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Original poster

16 should be able to sort own food out??

86 replies

Freezinghot666 · 16/08/2023 23:11

16 year old is doing my head in over food. When ever he's hungry he comes into the living room . Going on and on at me . He just won't stop and it stresses me. I have told him If he's hungry to make himself something. I don't care what he does I don't restrict him in anyway.

I do cook for him when doing family meals. But if he does not want what I'm cooking or he's out. Or asleep. Unless it's the type of meal that can be reheated/saved then he has to sort himself out .

Also if he wants to eat before I'm ready to cook then also I tell him To sort himself out.

I just think at 16 he's old enough not to go on at me like he does .

OP posts:
EconomyClassRockstar · 17/08/2023 01:03

I don't know if this helps at all but I joined Hello Fresh for the sole reason I could batch cook on a Sunday and leave the meals in the fridge for everyone to help themselves to so they didn't do this. It didn't affect our actual dinners together (which were really important to me) but it meant there was healthy, fresh food in the fridge for all the other times, especially in summer when we are all on different schedules. And if they didn't like that, they can buy their own damned pizza.

FrazzledHippy · 17/08/2023 01:05

My six year old makes her own breakfast and on occasion, will make herself a sandwich for lunch. At 16 DC should be more than capable of making anything they want to eat!

EconomyClassRockstar · 17/08/2023 01:08

FrazzledHippy · 17/08/2023 01:05

My six year old makes her own breakfast and on occasion, will make herself a sandwich for lunch. At 16 DC should be more than capable of making anything they want to eat!

6 year olds and teenagers are very different beasts. Sometimes, it seems like they just forget their "training".

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Agapornis · 17/08/2023 01:17

Freezinghot666 · 17/08/2023 00:53

That does not work for me. There is always stuff in the house my cupboard never become empty there's always snacks, lunch dinner's obviously gets low near shop day but there's always something. Also if there's something needed I would allow him to hrt it from the shop.

I know its often advised to get teens involved with the shop but he gets quite demanding I'm on a budget and it will just cause me more stress.

Show quote history

Why not teach him about budgeting simultaneously?

Original poster
Freezinghot666 · 17/08/2023 01:19

Agapornis · 17/08/2023 01:17

Why not teach him about budgeting simultaneously?

Show quote history

Because I don't want the stress

OP posts:
Ihateslugs · 17/08/2023 01:22

When my son went to university, he was the only person in his shared accommodation who knew how to cook!

When he went to 6th form ( age 16) he got a part time job which meant he worked different rotas. I was on teacher and on a diet so meals and cooking became difficult. I decided to split our fridge in half, only me and him at home in term time as my other kids were also at university or in the Army, and I bought him stuff that he wanted and things just for me. He wrote his shopping list according to his plans for the week ahead and I either did his shopping with my things or gave him money to go for himself.

Sometimes I cooked for both of us, eg roast dinners or casseroles, I’d he was going to eat with me but otherwise he cooked for himself and I cooked for me. It worked very well, he learnt to plan ahead and get food in, I did not cook dishes that got wasted and we enjoyed eating together when we were both in.

I made sure there was always bread and butter ( for the non stop demand of toast!) and biscuits, crisps etc and he enjoyed learning to cook and to prepare a meal for me. He now lives with his partner and fully shares the cooking and shopping, I love chatting to them both about recipes they have tried. In fact, I think he is a better cook than myself!

I was a single mum of three teenage swotting full time as a Head teacher so my kids needed tomgrow up quickly and it paid off!

calmcoco · 17/08/2023 01:23

Do you not have family mealtimes?
I don't understand your set up.

I would just have a chat with a 16yo about what is available for eating whenever and they would also join family meals.

Original poster
Freezinghot666 · 17/08/2023 01:38

calmcoco · 17/08/2023 01:23

Do you not have family mealtimes?
I don't understand your set up.

I would just have a chat with a 16yo about what is available for eating whenever and they would also join family meals.

I'm not sure what you mean?

OP posts:
calmcoco · 17/08/2023 02:00

Freezinghot666 · 17/08/2023 01:38

I'm not sure what you mean?

Show quote history

What do you not understand??

When is the family meal time? Does he not eat with the rest of you?

Original poster
Freezinghot666 · 17/08/2023 02:22

calmcoco · 17/08/2023 02:00

What do you not understand??

When is the family meal time? Does he not eat with the rest of you?

Show quote history

Some times he does depends if he's here or if he wants what we are having.. we don't have strict meal times.

OP posts:
sashh · 17/08/2023 03:10

How about making a meal plan (ideally he should be doing it) with a list of snacks / quick meals?

Monday - beans on toast
Tuesday - cheese and crackers

Stick it on the fridge and when he asks tell him to look at the list.

Give him a cupboard and a shelf in the fridge with all the ingredients.

Original poster
Freezinghot666 · 17/08/2023 03:24

sashh · 17/08/2023 03:10

How about making a meal plan (ideally he should be doing it) with a list of snacks / quick meals?

Monday - beans on toast
Tuesday - cheese and crackers

Stick it on the fridge and when he asks tell him to look at the list.

Give him a cupboard and a shelf in the fridge with all the ingredients.

I don't need to be doing that . He knows how oi get a snack do meals etc. I don't have fridge space for him to have a shelve in the fridge . Everyone else can manage no reason hw can't

OP posts:
Passe · 17/08/2023 03:46

Has he been shown how to make even simple meals/go shopping with a list for meal planning.?

I must admit I find your posts a bit confusing; you are frustrated at his pestering yet don't want to help him learn how to be independent?

BarbaraofSeville · 17/08/2023 04:37

I'm sure the OP has things like beans, bread and instant noodles in and as long as he has functioning eyes to read the instructions and hands to prepare the food he shouldn't need showing how to do it.

It sounds like he can't even be arsed to do such a simple task for himself so expects his DM to break off from her down time or when she is busy with something else to do it for him.

Whether it's extreme laziness or male entitlement it's not on and the OP is not unreasonable to expect him to make his own food.

manchesterbreak · 17/08/2023 04:46

Have you taught him to cook/prepare food. ? To plan his eating? Some people learn from observing what others do and some need it breaking down and explaining to them. I'd take him in the kitchen and talk him through what to do. Make sure he knows any rules such as certain no go foods or not cooking after a certain time. I'd give it a few weeks of lessons' then withdraw.

KateyCuckoo · 17/08/2023 04:51

You sound as awkward and inflexible as your teen.

CurlewKate · 17/08/2023 05:25

And in 10 years time the OP's dil will be posting on here about what a manchild he is and she blames his mother. Because it's always a woman's fault....

spitefulandbadgrammar · 17/08/2023 05:35

All sounds a bit chaotic. Maybe you should try set mealtimes? A rough idea of when meals are, this shelf is snacks, if you miss a meal which you know are at 8am, 1pm and 7pm, or whatever, and come moaning to me to solve your hunger issue, I’ll turn the wifi off for an hour for every moan.

aramox1 · 17/08/2023 05:43

Does he maybe actually want to talk to you ? How about you anticipate one chat like that a day so he has an idea what to do eg go to shop/ make beans /cook us all dinner from this recipe ? Unless it's just pointlessly moaning!

ApolloandDaphne · 17/08/2023 05:48

I think the point OP is making is that her DS is perfectly capable of making food and there is always plenty of stuff available but rather than just going to look and making stuff he bypasses that and goes straight to her and badgers her. She refuses to make him anything and tells him to go and make himself food but he persists in badgering her. I think it is his persistent asking and pestering her about food she is fed up with, knowing he is perfectly capable of sorting out what he needs.

MintJulia · 17/08/2023 06:09

My ds 15 is constantly hungry. I make sure there is plenty of bread, cheese, tomatoes, baked beans, frozen pizza, fish fingers, oven chips and fruit. Porridge oats, milk, jam & marmite. I also make a cake and a big batch of cheese straws on a Sunday morning.

Then tell DS to make his own breakfast, snacks and sometime lunch from that lot. I usually cook supper but he can do it and has done if I've been ill.

Just keep pointing yours at the kitchen, and tell him to help himself, you are too busy. And repeat - over and over. He'll work it out eventually.

Original poster
Freezinghot666 · 17/08/2023 06:22

BarbaraofSeville · 17/08/2023 04:37

I'm sure the OP has things like beans, bread and instant noodles in and as long as he has functioning eyes to read the instructions and hands to prepare the food he shouldn't need showing how to do it.

It sounds like he can't even be arsed to do such a simple task for himself so expects his DM to break off from her down time or when she is busy with something else to do it for him.

Whether it's extreme laziness or male entitlement it's not on and the OP is not unreasonable to expect him to make his own food.

Yeah this ^^ he knows how to cook. Basic things.and also if he wants other stuff other than very basic he knows how to do stir frys he can do curry's, he knows how to do a roast if he wanted to .he can cook most stuff to be honest

OP posts:
Original poster
Freezinghot666 · 17/08/2023 06:23

KateyCuckoo · 17/08/2023 04:51

You sound as awkward and inflexible as your teen.

He knows how to do all this stuff. He don't need me to helicopter him

OP posts:
Original poster
Freezinghot666 · 17/08/2023 06:26

ApolloandDaphne · 17/08/2023 05:48

I think the point OP is making is that her DS is perfectly capable of making food and there is always plenty of stuff available but rather than just going to look and making stuff he bypasses that and goes straight to her and badgers her. She refuses to make him anything and tells him to go and make himself food but he persists in badgering her. I think it is his persistent asking and pestering her about food she is fed up with, knowing he is perfectly capable of sorting out what he needs.

Yes 100% this. Only a few seem to get it.

OP posts:
Dentistlakes · 17/08/2023 06:33

DS (15) does this and I get how annoying it is op. I provide 3 meals a day and if he wants anything outside of that he has to get it himself. I make sure there’s plenty of easily prepared food available (sandwich filling,
fruit etc) and leave him to it. If he comes to me I tell
him he’s been fed and he knows where the kitchen is. It took a while but he got the message eventually!

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