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Original poster

What message app for 11yo not Whatsapp?

63 replies

unlikelychump · 16/08/2023 12:27

Any suggestions. It seems like Google hangouts isn't a thing any more. DD wants to send picture messages but they cost money as mms. I am not going to let her have Whatsapp yet unless I reaaaaaalllly have to.
Is there anything else? Does Google have a chat app that works on data?

Not apple people so that is no good

OP posts:
Hiphopopotamonster · 16/08/2023 12:29

Why would a different chat app be different to WhatsApp? What is it about WhatsApp specifically that you don’t like? Surely a chat app is a chat app?

newusern1 · 16/08/2023 12:30

Even if there was another app her friends would also have to have that app.

Redglitter · 16/08/2023 12:31

Why don't you want her to have WhatsApp but you're OK with her having another similar app

Original poster
unlikelychump · 16/08/2023 12:40

Thanks for such helpful responses. All fully answering my question! For starters what app is for 13yos plus and she is 11. Next up, Whatsapp groups for children are toxic.

But it would be nice for her to be able to send picture messages to some friends and to her grandma and us.

I was wondering if there was a commonly used alternative such as a new hangouts etc.

OP posts:
stealthninjamum · 16/08/2023 12:41

Op just install software so you can control their phone and its apps and then give her restrictive access to WhatsApp.

Personally I think WhatsApp is the least bad of the apps that they could ask for - Instagram, Snapchat, tiktok so you’re best off starting her on WhatsApp and restrict her usage of it because it will set a precedent for the next app.

I have an apple, dc have Samsungs and I control dd2s phone with the Family link app.

Original poster
unlikelychump · 16/08/2023 12:43

What is restricted access to WhatsApp? Can you put controls on it? That would be good

OP posts:
stealthninjamum · 16/08/2023 12:52

Sorry I wasn’t clear, I restrict usage of my daughters phone to 2.5 hours a day and from 7am to 8pm using family link. In the holidays I give her more but during term time she has to ask for more.

The restrictions are time based so she is allowed YouTube for a short period of time - it might be 15 minutes, Instagram, Snapchat for 15 minutes. She has to ask for extra and I get to see how long she spends on the various apps.

if you’re worried about toxity on WhatsApp children’s groups then you could go for something like Skype that is uncool among children (as far as I know!) and set up family groups. Other than that I don’t know how you would give her an app to share photos that doesn’t become available to friends.

ellyo · 16/08/2023 12:56

Why don't you just allow her WhatsApp and prevent her from joining the groups, if that's your worry? You can spot check to ensure she's not joining any.

CatsOnTheChair · 16/08/2023 13:03

You can configure whatsapp to prevent you being automatically added to groups by people not in your address book. And with a bit more effort you can prevent anyone adding you to a group. Might that help?

Honestly, whatsapp is the lesser of several evils when it comes to messaging apps.

Doremisofarsogood · 16/08/2023 13:08

My DD 10 has WhatsApp but nothing else in terms of social media. It's a good opportunity to teach her about phone etiquette, groups etc and how to handle things. Her phone is heavily restricted in term time (screen limits, apps blocked etc) and I can track it using Family Link.
If you're worried about toxic groups, check her phone to see what's going and talk to her about it.
My DD has ended up refusing to join any groups as she can't be bothered with them, she just wants to talk to friends individually.

SportsAndExerciseMedicineDoc · 16/08/2023 13:10

Another vote for WhatsApp here. Definitely the least problematic.

Snapchat is hell - FOMO intensified as they can see their friends hanging out with other friends on the map.

LucifersPain · 16/08/2023 13:13

WhatsApp is highly toxic and insecure, but the other message apps are not much better, the main difference being less data-scraping sent to china with some alternatives.

If you use iPhones she can use iMessage to send picture messages for free and it’s much more secure.

isthismylifenow · 16/08/2023 13:22

Oooh no, definitely not Hangouts.... On the few occasions I have been guided to use it, was by spammers. It doesn't have a good reputation.

Whatsapp would be the best option imo. There are a lot more features on it now than there used to be. Like blocking of groups etc.

But the best app for your dc to use would surely be the one that your family uses so everyone is using the same app for the messages/photos etc? You could make a family group, and then as you will be on it, you can see everything that is messaged.

ShitImPregnant · 16/08/2023 13:23

Why is WhatsApp toxic? It's the users of any app that are toxic, not the app itself. Surely it's your job to be monitoring and weeding out the toxicity. Every app requires that much from a parent.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 16/08/2023 13:25

stealthninjamum · 16/08/2023 12:41

Op just install software so you can control their phone and its apps and then give her restrictive access to WhatsApp.

Personally I think WhatsApp is the least bad of the apps that they could ask for - Instagram, Snapchat, tiktok so you’re best off starting her on WhatsApp and restrict her usage of it because it will set a precedent for the next app.

I have an apple, dc have Samsungs and I control dd2s phone with the Family link app.

I agree. I'd far prefer WhatsApp to Instagram, Snapchat or Tiktok.

I'd be grateful that's all they want tbh.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/08/2023 13:27

Dd has WhatsApp. Rules are - don't say anything you wouldn't say to someone's face, don't delete anything you send, don't send pictures of anyone else at all apart from direct to the person in the photo. And I can and will look through your chats at any time.

RenegadeKeeblerElf · 16/08/2023 13:29

I agree with those saying to let her have WhatsApp but monitor it. From what I see with my teens, WhatsApp is not really that popular anymore, my 15 year old only uses it to contact us, it's all about Snapchat. Apparently you don't exchange numbers with a boy/girl you fancy, you get their snap 🤣 Snapchat is much more worrying for me to be honest but we talk a lot about sensible phone use and I've grown to trust them.

RenegadeKeeblerElf · 16/08/2023 13:31

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/08/2023 13:27

Dd has WhatsApp. Rules are - don't say anything you wouldn't say to someone's face, don't delete anything you send, don't send pictures of anyone else at all apart from direct to the person in the photo. And I can and will look through your chats at any time.

My rule is don't say/send anything you wouldn't want posted on a noticeboard at school, or that you wouldn't send to your grandmother 🤣

MonsterCalling · 16/08/2023 13:33

10yo DD has an iPhone but will not have a SIM card until she starts secondary school. She uses her Apple ID for iMessage.

Original poster
unlikelychump · 16/08/2023 14:05

Thanks all (for tips on Whatsapp on the whole) although no real alternatives coming up. I have found a Google chat so we have installed that as a start.

She hadn't asked for Whatsapp, she knows it is awful as she watches all her friends fall out on it and has heard various bollockings in y6. It might be better than other apps but that isn't really relevant either as none of those are in the picture.

She just wants to not be charged to send a picture.

OP posts:
Original poster
unlikelychump · 16/08/2023 14:09

ShitImPregnant · 16/08/2023 13:23

Why is WhatsApp toxic? It's the users of any app that are toxic, not the app itself. Surely it's your job to be monitoring and weeding out the toxicity. Every app requires that much from a parent.

Surely it is my job to decide what she can have and then monitor it if required? Hence the post.

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 16/08/2023 14:14

unlikelychump · 16/08/2023 14:05

Thanks all (for tips on Whatsapp on the whole) although no real alternatives coming up. I have found a Google chat so we have installed that as a start.

She hadn't asked for Whatsapp, she knows it is awful as she watches all her friends fall out on it and has heard various bollockings in y6. It might be better than other apps but that isn't really relevant either as none of those are in the picture.

She just wants to not be charged to send a picture.

What about Telegram?

I know a lot of people in UK don't seem too keen on it, but it is quite big here. I use it alongside Whatsapp personally.

I am just thinking that if it isn't one of the more popular apps there, then most of her peers (those causing problems) won't be using it. Then you and your family just download it for communicating with her?

Runningover · 16/08/2023 14:18

The problem with WhatsApp for that age is the group chats. If your daughter just directly messages friend/ relatives then it's just the same as SMS really, as long as you check everything

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 16/08/2023 14:21

Agree that it depends from group to group what the main platform is.

For my younger DC it's Snapchat. So she has just that, no others. We lock it down as best we can, and I do spot checks. IMO that's the best you can do. No socials is of course the other option, but by secondary school age this does risk getting left out of meet ups etc.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 16/08/2023 14:22

Oh, re sending photos. I don't have any messaging apps other than SMS, so use Google photos sharing.