How do you say 'no' without feeling awkward

[magicalkitty]

I find it very hard in certain situations to say 'no' when I don't want to do something. For example if a friend suggests something I'm really not keen on. So I'll end up just doing it anyway to avoid the awkwardness.

What's the secret to being assertive but not feeling awkward about it? I am fine saying no when it's close family members or partners, but find it harder with those a degree removed.

As a people-pleaser myself, I found the following helpful:

Please Yourself: How to Stop People-Pleasing and Transform the Way You Live by Emma Reed Turrell (available to read or audio)

You can train yourself out of this behaviour, though it's not easy. I understand.

We live in a very popular, central location. A friend and their family were visiting. And I knew they were trying to get an invite to stay with us. They were travelling from very far and costly for them but honestly that doesn't work for me. I said something like ' I would love to meet you guys but it's really hectic now with the baby and my other dc and stuff we have planned, so just let me know which days you are available/ don't have plans and we can try for those days. I'm sure we can work something out even if it's just a quick get together. Looking forward to seeing you all'

That put an end to any hopes of them staying.

I noticed on a WhatsApp group for a hen do recently several of the invited women just said "sorry it's a no from me this time" and left the group. No excuses as to why they couldn't make it. I was impressed and wished I'd done the same. I felt "obliged" to go and spent a lot of money and time doing something I didn't want to go to and still resent it now so going forward I'm going to do the same!

I noticed on a WhatsApp group for a hen do recently several of the invited women just said "sorry it's a no from me this time" and left the group
I bet they are MNers!! :)