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Original poster

I need an extra pair of hands

45 replies

Restyourwearyhead · 15/08/2023 07:31

Or am I ridiculous?

Newborn daughter and toddler son. Newborn just cries whenever I put her down, this topped with no sleep is really getting to me. The house is a tip and toddler is going feral. I desperately need someone to look after her but I don’t know if there’s any sort of newborn nanny service that would only be for a month or so and plus it would be horribly expensive, wouldn’t it? Sad

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 15/08/2023 07:33

Can you stick her in a sling? That would help free up hands, is her dad around? Could he help more? Am sure you can get nannies who would do a night shift, or help through the day but as you said wouldn’t be cheap especially when only looking at short term. Good luck

TeaKitten · 15/08/2023 07:34

Guessing you are single? Can the toddler go to nursery at all?

Original poster
Restyourwearyhead · 15/08/2023 07:40

Dad at work 7-7. The sling doesn’t really let me deal with toddler particularly effective and she doesn’t much like it either.

OP posts:

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talkitup · 15/08/2023 07:43

Get a cleaner, short term, to help manage the house. Any mum/sisters/aunts who could take your toddler out for an hour or two to help? It does get easier x

coreas · 15/08/2023 07:52

Or am I ridiculous?

Yes, you are being.

A newborn nanny? Sad

Guavafish1 · 15/08/2023 07:56

it's tough....

WhisperingHi · 15/08/2023 07:59

It's so hard but it does pass, I promise.

Does your toddler go to childcare? Can either set of parents help?

I'd try to get out as much as possible, assuming she's happy in the pram?

BMrs · 15/08/2023 07:59

It's a really tough stage. Can you get a cleaner to help with other things that may be distracting? Can your husband take any leave to give you a little reprieve?

HappyAsASandboy · 15/08/2023 08:03

There is help available.

If you want someone to clean while you do other things, then get a cleaner.

If you want "another you" who can play with toddler, hold baby, wash a few dishes, prep some vegetables, pick up some toys, fold a bit of washing etc to help move things along, you need a mothers help. Look on childcare.Co.uk

A mothers help is essentially "another pair of hands".

spitefulandbadgrammar · 15/08/2023 08:04

It’s awful, I know. But it’s only a few weeks (dependent on the baby…) before the newborn is less screamy and more content being plonked on a mat with a baby gum activity thing above them. In the meantime: let the house be disgusting and messy, live off oven food, plan to sort the chaos out later (an unspecified later).

Rather than pay for a newborn nanny, can you pay for: Cook frozen meals, a cleaner, pickup laundry service (which somehow makes it easier to put away as it’s all folded neatly), something else that would resolve the chaos so you can focus on the impossible juggle of newborn and toddler?

nb there are maternity nurses/newborn nannies/night nannies etc but they are ££££ compared to a few weeks of nice freezer food, a clean house and some clean washing.

MBM18 · 15/08/2023 08:23

I feel you OP, I was considering putting a post on my local fb group asking if anyone wants to come and just hold my baby (she only contact naps at the moment) so I can get on with a few things! Decided against it for obvious reasons...
She's nearly 3 months now and once my older DD is back to school after the summer holidays I'm going to really try and break the contact naps. Appreciate it's harder for you with a toddler at home but I believe once they're developmentally ready for it, it becomes easier. The "fourth trimester" is so real and hard.

MBM18 · 15/08/2023 08:26

Just had a thought (don't know why I didn't think of this for myself) - what about a local baby sitter? You'll be in the house anyway so from a trust point of view you wouldn't have to worry and it'll just be a case of them holding the baby for a couple of hours whilst you crack on and do things (assuming you're after someone to help with the baby and not the house).

Original poster
Restyourwearyhead · 15/08/2023 08:32

A cleaner would add to rather than take away from the stress as I’d have to somehow clear away multi layers of mess to actually let them clean. No one around to help. Toddler does have some time in childcare but still have to get him washed and dressed and get him there (with baby screaming) and back again (with baby screaming) and bath and bed (with baby screaming) you get the picture.

OP posts:
MuggleMe · 15/08/2023 08:34

You need a mothers help. It's a thing, so they help you rather than being responsible. But I'm not sure where to look sorry.

MuggleMe · 15/08/2023 08:35

Does your baby have reflux/milk allergy? All that screaming isn't normal.

Original poster
Restyourwearyhead · 15/08/2023 08:35

Not sure … I don’t doubt they exist but not round here. I was looking at past natal doulas but it seems to be about birth rather than please let me get stuff done!

OP posts:
Original poster
Restyourwearyhead · 15/08/2023 08:36

Of course it is normal, they don’t like being put down. But it is very draining.

OP posts:
BG2015 · 15/08/2023 08:39

I'm sure a good cleaner wouldn't judge you & the mess that's created by a toddler/newborn/stressed mum.

I'd come and help you, so there must be someone near where you live who would, mothers help etc

BlackBean2023 · 15/08/2023 08:42

To those saying the OP is ridiculous- I can only assume you had lots of family around or lowered your standards (which is fine, but obviously not helpful to this OP's mental health). OP do you have any local friends who could come and help?

In lots of cultures mothers helps are definitely a thing- not just for newborns. For me personally, my DM was at my house at least 4 hours a day for the first month cleaning, taking baby so I could nap, cooking and popping meals in the freezer. She loved it and for me it was a god send. I could have done it without her of course but you know, it takes a village. It seems to be a very British thing to matyr yourself rather than ask for help.

My DM is no longer local but if I had another baby and could afford it I would 100% hire a mothers help for those first few weeks post paternity leave.

Original poster
Restyourwearyhead · 15/08/2023 08:46

I don’t care about them judging me but they do need to be able to clean and at the moment they couldn’t! I wish I knew where to find someone. Right now DD needs to nap but the toddler keeps screaming and has now thrown her sling on the mop.

OP posts:
smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 15/08/2023 08:46

I was a fully single parent of a tot and newborn (widowed) and I got a nanny from 4 weeks. Otherwise I would have lost on my mind.

It's a temp nanny from agency you need OP. There's plenty about. My nanny held baby for contact naps.

TeeBee · 15/08/2023 08:47

When I was suffering from postnatal depression, my health visitor said that trainee health visitors have to volunteer a certain number of hours and can do those hours helping mums with young children. You can't leave them alone with the children but they can help around the house, run errands and play with your toddler. Worth asking your health visitor for advice?
It really is a difficult time; don't beat yourself up. It will pass, it will pass, it will pass.

Caterina99 · 15/08/2023 09:01

My friend hired a teenager (neighbours daughter, so not a total random) to help in this situation.

Mostly the girl played with the toddler in the garden or took him to the park. She just came for a few hours 4-6pm ish a few days a week but I think it saved her sanity

ScottBakula · 15/08/2023 09:07

talkitup · 15/08/2023 07:43

Get a cleaner, short term, to help manage the house. Any mum/sisters/aunts who could take your toddler out for an hour or two to help? It does get easier x

Or dad /brothers /uncles

Strawberryfieldsforeverrr · 15/08/2023 09:14

Do you know any students home for summer? I paid a friend's daughter who was in her summer break from a social wirk degree as a mother's help. She just worked in the house when I was there, so under supervision, to hold the baby, peg out some washing, play with toddler etc.
I gave her cash of £50 a day, we were both happy with the arrangement. Imagine the joy of washing your hair or having a poo in peace?!

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