I need an extra pair of hands

[Restyourwearyhead]

Or am I ridiculous?

Newborn daughter and toddler son. Newborn just cries whenever I put her down, this topped with no sleep is really getting to me. The house is a tip and toddler is going feral. I desperately need someone to look after her but I don’t know if there’s any sort of newborn nanny service that would only be for a month or so and plus it would be horribly expensive, wouldn’t it?

No chance of your DH taking some annual or parental leave? Or at least reduce his hours, maybe work half time for a few weeks and WFH if possible to minimise the time he's unavailable?

There isn’t anyone who can help! It’s definitely a tad challenging - managing just about but it would be helpful to have an extra pair of hands on the days I have them both. Feel guilty toddler is being neglected

ODFOD

@BodegaSushi

How mature of you

OP asked if she was being ridiculous to consider a newborn nanny. I said yes. If you don't agree that's absolutely fine, normal in fact, but I'm not sure you need to be telling me to FO rather than either discuss (as is the forums purpose) or ignore.

Still, if you got something out of that I'm delighted for you.

I think you can advertise on sites like Childcare.co.uk or round here people who want to for others (gardeners, people offering to do shopping etc) advertise in the post office window.

Or dads/brothers/uncles? 😉

Of course they exist. Not ridiculous at all , not everyone can breeze through this stage.

My friend is a postnatal doula. She does whatever is needed to make the mum and baby comfortable. That might be cleaning or childcare though is less usual.

You want the Organised Mum (Gemma Bray). She's a postnatal doula as well as being a cleaning and decluttering whiz.

She'd be able to help you with your DC and also whip your house into shape, or encourage you to do it.

@BarbaraofSeville

Urgh someone patronising a struggling mum sounds awful!

@greyhairnomore

Of course they exist. Not ridiculous at all , not everyone can breeze through this stage.

I didn't question their existence, I agreed with OP asking if it would be ridiculous. I also said nothing about breezing though this stage. Please don't take my very simple response and add legs to it.

And I think your reply is ridiculous. Sorry it touched a nerve. Bet you were a superior mum who could manage it all

@BodegaSushi

And I think your reply is ridiculous.

That's absolutely your right, people don't always hold the same opinions, but telling me to FO is also ridiculous, so your high ground has fallen.

Sorry it touched a nerve.

No nerves touched here. Juts pointing out that telling to someone to FO rather than engage in a discussion or ignoring the opinion you don't agree with is immature.

Bet you were a superior mum who could manage it all

I hope you didn't bet too much...

Your repeated, detailed replies tell me all I need to know

Maternity Nurses do of course exist and are quite commonplace. They usually stay 6 /8 weeks but sometimes up to 3 months.

Also temporary nanny jobs abound, Norland College have a jobs board which often features short term jobs just like this as do lots of other childcare agencies.

@BodegaSushi

Your repeated, detailed replies tell me all I need to know

They haven't told you anything other than what I have said. Also they are not detailed at all. You crack on though, just remember, I'm not the one telling people to FO because I don't agree with them.

And I'm not the one shaming a mother struggling to cope by saying shes ridiculous for wanting help and putting a sad face. That's far more offensive

@BodegaSushi

And I'm not the one shaming a mother struggling to cope by saying shes ridiculous for wanting help and putting a sad face. That's far more offensive

I wasn't shaming her and neither did I say she shouldn't try to access help.

She asked if it was ridiculous to get specifically a newborn nanny and I say yes.

I did not say she was wrong to want help and I wasn't trying to shame her at all.

I'm very sorry OP if that is what you thought because it didn't even cross my mind it could be taken that way until this posted said it now

Many years ago😉 when I was a teenager my first full time job was mother's help to a mother with 6 children, youngest 17 mths and newborn when I started. I did whatever needed to be done, laundry, cleaning, occupying toddler so mum could look after newborn more easily......could you advertise for this? You may get a youngster who wants work experience prior to deciding what they want to do. One of my adult children did 6 mths in a nursery before choosing their career path (not with children after that 🤣)

I found this stage excruciating (baby now coming up for 1). Like you, I was doing the baby and older child on my own because H was at work (in my case, until much later). High needs baby who hated being put down, screaming constantly and cluster feeding.

Luckily my DC1 is a bit older (5). I'd leave the baby to scream for 10 minutes, make older child some beige oven food, plonk it down in front of older child in front of the TV, bathe baby (I found this helped DC2 to sleep), feed and rock baby to sleep and then go down and encourage older child to eat their (now stone cold) dinner. Then try and do the school reading, bedtime stories etc. before the baby woke up and started screaming again. Often my older one didn't get to bed until 9/10pm on school nights and I learnt from their teacher that they'd sometimes nod off during carpet time at school.

Mornings and having to get out in time for the school run were an absolute shitshow.

I got through it by essentially neglecting my older child. Let's face it, a screaming baby is always going to win out over a fairly independent, chilled 5yo. DC1 watched hours of TV. Still has too much screen time tbh. I tried to make it up to DC1 at the weekends when H was around/family were visiting.

What have I learned from this? Firstly, that DC1 is an absolute star - has had to put up with a lot but still adores their baby sibling. Second, I'm pleased not to have had to do this with a 2/3yo. Third, if I did have to do it with a younger child, like you do, I'd get help in a second if I could afford it.