Life wobble…..pack it all in and move to the countryside?

[3isthemagicnumberrr]

Just that really. After a traumatic few years life is much happier. We live in a lovely London suburb and have lots of friends.

BUT

I have a niggling feeling that there is a calmer, slower pace of life with a lot more greenery that might be a good next step.

Life feels HECTIC with 2 busy jobs and long commutes and 3 pre school children, and I fantasise about moving out and calming down a bit. Totally unrealistic?

Any advice? Is my countryside dream worth it even though we’d have to start again with friends/ support network? Help please!

Do it when at least 2 of your kids are at school. 3 pre school kids is harder in countryside and with no network. The countryside itself will be no less hectic unless it means one or both of you will be working or commuting a lot less?

It depends.

We moved to Oxfordshire from London in 2010 (had kids a couple of years later). It’s lovely here but you can’t get a Just Eat (village) and I use the car a lot. Schools are excellent and pace of life is fairly relaxing (DH does 3 days in London; I work at a school near home).

Where were you thinking of moving?

There's a wide spectrum between London suburb and 'countryside'.
Nobody can answer this - you need go to some places. Small towns, semi-rural, see what suits you.

However if your problem is 'busy jobs and long commutes' this isn't going to disappear moving elsewhere... unless you're thinking of a complete career change? If you can WFH surely you'd do so as a first step before thinking of moving.

Life feels HECTIC with 2 busy jobs and long commutes and 3 pre school children, and I fantasise about moving out and calming down a bit. Totally unrealistic?

Imo you need to think about what about living in the countryside would actually make your life less hectic. Plenty of people who live in the countryside still have busy jobs, long commutes and small children to look after.

Three small children will feel hectic anywhere. As PP said, going from London to a farmhouse on a remote Welsh hillside is probably a tad dramatic, why not look at small towns?

I live rurally with two small children, DH and I both have Big Jobs. It's still hectic - that's small children! We just spend a lot more time in the car than our London friends because everything is further away. And less time at the theatre, museums, etc, because there aren't as many. (Well, no theatre at all).

There's less wraparound childcare here - There's less demand because grandparents do so much.

The challenges are just different.

If you can drop a job and have a SAHP then maybe, but will the SAHP be bored? How long would the other parents commute be then? What about when the kids are older and need you less day to day?

No. Don't move to the countryside. You'll be isolated and have to drive everywhere and will still have a long commute or have to give up on your job.

Things are always hectic with small kids but once you have preteens and teens, they will love being near the city and able to travel to friends and events etc easily. And you can enjoy those things too.

Do you really think people in the countryside don't have busy jobs, long commutes?

If doing this will shorten your commutes or comes with the option for a career change then it might be worth considering

But if you plan on still having busy jobs and long commutes then just living in the countryside won't magically slow your life down

I think the issue is 3 young children and that will pass - and if you move to the country then when they're older bear in mind you once they become independent you may have to drive them everywhere until such a time as they can drive, so that's a few years' more effort as well.

Yeah like previous posters I'm wondering how moving to the countryside will make life less busy. Will you also be giving up your jobs? Going part time?

We moved from London to the shires, then to the rural Northwest. It had nothing to do with a slower pace of life really, because that's based on what you do, not where you are. It was because of house prices, the cost of living, and the fact that everywhere just felt so crowded. We had the kind of jobs you can do anywhere.

Have you ever watched Kate Humbles - A Country Life For Half The Price on channel five (I'm sure they're on My5 still) I found it fascinating, families just upping sticks and moving to the country in search of a better work/life balance. It mostly worked out from the ones I saw but I think people who do this must be so brave and adventurous if I'm honest.

I prefer being semi rural but any further out you will be driving your children everywhere until they have their own cars. Rural buses are few and far between.

How will your life be less hectic in the countryside? Remember your life is hectic with small kids now but hopefully as they get older, they will gain more independence and your own life will become less hectic. However in the country, the transport links may be poorer so they may always be dependent on you

If you want a less hectic lose, it would be useful to identify what is making your life hectic at the moment and it it has the potential to become less hectic elsewhere

Be prepared to spend half your time in the car being a taxi due to lack of public transport. The country is not all it’s cracked up to be (see recent post re village life). Will you have supermarkets nearby? Decent schools? Do you enjoy non English takeaways? Will you miss friends? What will you do for work?

I grew up in the countryside.

Maybe move somewhere a little less hectic but the real issue is 2 FT jobs and 3 little children. That’s why you are knackered.

Would you still have 2 FT jobs? you will still have 3 children. Now imagine having to be better organised because to pop out for supplies means a drive always or often and maybe that drive is a few miles.

Now imagine the village you live in, some are really funny about outsiders. The place I grew up in is very funny about outsiders. Countryside can be very much very wealthy and dire poverty and less in between. Also people just bloody tend to know too much if you end up in a gossipy village. Obviously all villages are different.

Now imagine ferrying your children round till they get their own cars, plus rural roads, so many people are killed on them near where I grew up. Back home two weeks ago there were two more piles of flowers by the side of the road. Give me a motorway any day.

I grew up rurally, we all left for uni and/or work and never returned. I have also lived in London and Birmingham. I now live in a market town on the last road but one at the very edge. So open fields and forest is a 15 minute walk one way and a small parade of shops, plus post office and chemist and some take aways are a 15 min walk the other way.

Living in the countryside can also be hectic and stressful. Imagine you have a hospital appointment. The hospital is 45 minutes away. You set off, allowing an hour and ten minutes for the journey and parking.....and end up behind someone driving at 30 mph. So a journey which should take 45 minutes is now going to take about an hour and a half. You can't overtake, as the road is too narrow and/or twisty. There's no phone signal so you can't ring the hospital or your childcare (which shuts at 3.30 because your village only has a playgroup, not an actual nursery).

Things that in the city would be a minor nuisance ('The car won't start - we'll have to take the bus') are a major issue. No public transport or local taxis. A taxi will come from the nearest town, but that's £25 before it's even picked you up.

Countryside is lovely, but then you drive 25 minutes to the nearest petrol station and realise you've left your bank card at home and only have vapour in the tank.(I now keep cash in the car, just in case.) And when you are driving home from anywhere you have to calculate whether you have enough fuel to get you home and back to civilisation.

There's no takeaway and no-one delivers.

You will live in your car, particularly as the children get older.

It's lovely to be surrounded by greenery, but it's not all wafting about in a straw hat and a frock, growing vegetables and letting children commune with nature. They climb trees and fall out of them and suddenly being 45 minutes from A&E really does matter.

I would look at market towns, if I were you.

In my grand plan I would either stop working (dependent on house prices), or negotiate a day a week in the (London) office. DH’s head office is based in Leicester so rather than doing a 6 hour round trip a few times a week, could potentially change roles to be based there.

Location wise, it would be sensible to be within an hour of Leicester for that reason (probably no further north than Leicester, to not be miles and miles from Dh’s family).

I grew up in a village so the taxi thing doesn’t bother me hugely, although I do worry about DC being less independent than they would be here, where secondary aged kids take the train or bus to school.

I hope it didn’t come across badly to suggest rural parents don’t have hectic lives - small DC are the main cause I know! I guess I could be much more organised and that would help, but I still crave space and fresh air….will check out the Kate Humbles program!

I live in Cornwall.

Life is hectic and my dream would be to live in London, as I feel it would be so much more convenient.

My job is over an hour commute, so over 2 hours everyday.

My DDs childminder lived 20 mins in the opposite direction (fortunately she doesn’t need one anymore).

I went out with friends to a club a couple of weeks ago and decided to drink and it took 3 hours to get home using a mix of public transport and taxis.

Things like going to the gym or having an evening hobby are much more difficult because of the time it takes to get there and back.

My nearest supermarket is 10miles away.

There is no public transport where I live.

I literally dream of being able to walk out of my door and go to a shop or cinema or meet with friends for drinks.

I am very fortunate to live here but I can’t wait to leave 😁

If you moved you would still have 2 FT jobs and 3 pre school children (unless you’re planning to leave them behind) and so your life will still be as hectic, if not more hectic.

I’d think bringing up kids in the countryside would be more hectic than London. No clubs, activities on tap, friends are a drive rather than a walk away. And with three you’ll be literally ferrying them everywhere in a few years won’t you?

Also, please think very carefully before giving up an independent source of income/ career. You never know where life will take you

I feel life is so much less stressful living semi rural than in London. I would do it! But be walkable to a small town or large village, don’t go too remote.

We did it three years ago and we're putting the house on the market and moving back. We're 15km from the town where everything is: the kids' school, friends and activities, our jobs, shops, entertainment. It's too much. Even though we work from home four days a week, we still have to bring the kids to town for everything. There literally isn't a day in the week when we don't have to drive in and out at least once. I dearly love the countryside but it's the wrong place for us.

Most people choose not to live in the countryside OP and there are very good reasons for that.

God dont
Grew up in countryside an a lonely remote nightmare
Once your kids are 10+ in a city they can walk/ get bus to friends, activities, walk home from after school clubs, play football nearby, go to pizza / costa/ milkshake places with friends, get lots of pocket money jobs etc

Hang in there
Imagine age 9-18 all the endless driving ...!! No thanks

@dysfunctionsurvivor interesting point, and sorry you felt like that growing up. My overwhelming memory of childhood is of being lonely, and I put that down to not going to the local school rather than village life but maybe it is.