Life wobble…..pack it all in and move to the countryside?

[3isthemagicnumberrr]

Just that really. After a traumatic few years life is much happier. We live in a lovely London suburb and have lots of friends.

BUT

I have a niggling feeling that there is a calmer, slower pace of life with a lot more greenery that might be a good next step.

Life feels HECTIC with 2 busy jobs and long commutes and 3 pre school children, and I fantasise about moving out and calming down a bit. Totally unrealistic?

Any advice? Is my countryside dream worth it even though we’d have to start again with friends/ support network? Help please!

I think I know what you mean. I live in London with 3 older kids now. And I absolutely love the countryside. There is always an extra layer of 'hectic' in London. It's hard to put into words. But I perceive that life outside London is slower paced. Just things like not hearing sirens and smelling fresh air and hearing a sheep baa instead of a fox fight outside my window. I always imagine if I lived outside London (small town or country) it would always have a slight holiday feel to it. And my friends who have done it have confirmed up to a point this is the case. However i have no regrets staying. My teenagers have great opportunities, I still do all the London things I enjoy. And we spend lots of time away in holidays. My kids are more outsidey than many of my country friends thanks to cubs and scouts!

I have this dream too. The reality is though, your kids will require you to drive them everywhere as teens to see their friends. And it may feel stifling after living in London. Honestly, I’d love to live in a lovely London suburb. If you really need to get out, you could go somewhere like Guildford or Farnham. I know it’s cliche to do that, but do you really want to give up all those ‘things to do’ in London?

I never understand on threads like this why people talk about living in the centre of London vs in the middle of nowhere, with nothing for miles around, no public transport and miserable, bored teens. As if those are the only two options...both of which sound equally awful to me.

There is a huge swathe of happy medium. Most of us live in it rather than at either extreme end of the spectrum!

@Marmiteymuffin glad that you understand what I’m badly trying to articulate! We’ve just been away for a week in the countryside so that isn’t helping, and had an unfortunate London experience (bomb scare) a few weeks ago. Maybe it’s all grass is greener thinking.

@SternJosie we are in a suburb, so not central London and feels very suburbia apart from the London buses etc! We probably are the in happy medium really, just to get the sense of space (literally and metaphorically) and to reduce the hecticness of life, we would need to move out (so I could stop working).

If you need to live near Leicester (which would certainly not be a commute I’d want to do from London) Loughborough is nice.

I’m having the opposite life wobble! Recently had the chance to work in a major city for a couple of months and it was amazing! So much to do, so much culture, so many people with similar interests, so much in walking distance. Now I’m back home in the middle of nowhere and I’m really struggling with it. No close friends, small and rather judgey community, beautiful landscapes but very little to do here. Its also rained nonstop since I got back 😭

I wouldn't uproot myself from a good support network. You can't purchase a new set of friends and social connections when you buy a new house.

Holidays generally do feel calmer/better than everyday life, that's sort of the point of them. Living in your holiday destination won't feel the same.

Can't you focus on reducing the stressors where you are now without chucking everything away?

In the short term I am always so much less content in london when I return from trips to family in the country or 'peaceful' towns. Been like this for 15 years! And then the discontent fades again after about a week, and i settle back into city life! So I would never make any big decisions straight after a holiday!

The countryside might well have 'a lot more greenery', but unless you live near a national park or something like it, a lot of it will be privately owned and inaccessible.

Rural life can be isolated, insular and lonely. Public transport, pubs, shops are all precarious and can't be relied upon to be there in a year's time.

Escape to the Country and other such shows have made this a real trend, but I often wonder exactly how people's lives change for the better. The revisits always seem to show people who've aged, put on a lot of weight and spend their days making jam. I say that as someone who moved to a small rural town aged, put on a lot of weight and made jam. I'm back in the city now and there's never been a more grateful city dweller.

Depending on the suburb you often get the worst of both worlds. Needing to go 'into London' for everything so nothing nearby.... min 30 min tube.
That was my experience when I lived there anyway - I couldn't afford to live in a 'nice' suburb with plenty going on.

Now I live on the outskirts of Manchester. 20 min to the city. 20 min to the start of the Peak District. Cows and sheep in fields 5 mins walk, horse riders always going past... I've seen deer in the woodlands across the road.

My only quibble is our town centre is a bit run down but I rarely go there anyway.... Not because I don't want to but because my mates are scattered across Manchester it's easier to meet in the city centre. Just moved here so not many local friends yet.

Also plenty of takeaways etc.. there are two major towns within driving distance.
I absolutely rate it here, don't regret leaving London at all

*10 min drive that should say

I’d look for a market town to live in. I live very rurally and life is constantly busy. If you live near a shop that is open 7-11, don’t have to drive to post a parcel in an inpost locker and can walk to a park it’s handy. We forget the milk and do without. DP wanted to move somewhere more isolated (20 miles to nearest town) and I refused. I happy with 6 miles away.

If I was you I'd move to Rutland. But then I moved from London to rural Cambridgeshire...it took me about 2 years to adjust and now I'd never go back. We're an hour to central London by train and can easily go for a fix. I think my dc had a better life than we could give them in London.
I love London but we couldn't have afforded a similar lifestyle.

What about somewhere like Stamford? It’s on the Train line to Leicester which is 45mins and also fast train to London KX in 1hr3 mins if you get a good connection. Cambridge also within striking distance. Stamford itself is very pretty market town with good schools.

We live on the countryside ish (big village near the Cotswolds) and life is full-on and very hectic… I think life with kids is just busy!

There's no takeaway and no-one delivers.

This made me chuckle - What I wouldn't give for deliveroo/just eat/takeouts - see them advertised on the tv all the time - no chance!

I grew up in a village so the taxi thing doesn’t bother me hugely, although I do worry about DC being less independent than they would be here, where secondary aged kids take the train or bus to school.
On the contrary, DC always found London acquaintances less independent. They might know how to zip around London on trains or buses but were absolutely clueless about the rest of the country that they lived in. They existed in a bubble.

Leicestershire is hardly the back end of beyond!

although I do worry about DC being less independent than they would be here, where secondary aged kids take the train or bus to school

I live fairly rurally and there are school buses or kids walk to school. Some have stations not too far away and take the train.

How much time do you spend in the countryside now? I almost moved to a countryside village when pregnant but due to split from baby's father stayed in my city. I was sad about my baby not getting rural life but too scared to move away from my support system alone. I have vowed to regularly take him in the car out to countryside for walks and to see the animals etc and all the things I wanted for him there, but still maintain my support system in my city.
My brother lives in suburbia- that's what I couldn't do! I could afford a hoouse there now a flat, but I don't like it- all houses houses houses and no high street or cool restaurants that you can walk too. Weird that I only want city centre or village not suburbia.

I would try it out with eg air bnb for while of summer holiday next year and see how that goes

There is always an extra layer of 'hectic' in London. It's hard to put into words. But I perceive that life outside London is slower paced. Just things like not hearing sirens and smelling fresh air and hearing a sheep baa instead of a fox fight outside my window.

That's hardly just a London thing unless you think the centres of Birmingham, Manchester, Liverpool, Bristol etc are full of sheep. Its not London or tiny rural villages, there are other cities, suburban areas, large towns...

I think London is quite hard to get out of to access natural spaces. I'm so jealous of Scottish central belt folk who have that at their fingertips.

We are lucky that we have good access to green space. Lots of little parks nearby, rugby club and football club within a 5 min walk (so green space that is useable during non match time), a woodland walk etc. I think its the density of houses and lack of feeling of space. I don’t know….

I love the idea of an air bnb in the school holidays to see what it could actually be like.

First thing for a quiet moment later today is to think about other things to make life less hectic in the short term. Meal planning is first on my list.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum I guess proper countryside only when we visit my parents every couple of months. We go for walks here to the playgrounds, a woodland walk near our house and to pick blackberries but these are all just off the main road.

Sounds like you have come to a good compromise despite it not being what you had planned :)