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Original poster

Medical termination (sensitive). Looking for a hand hold?

32 replies

Liverpoolgirl50 · 09/08/2023 20:55

So, what a mess. Let me know if I need to move this somewhere else, I really wasn’t sure of the right place.

I’m 30, happily married, home owner, one year old DD. Last week I found out I was pregnant again. Total shock, used contraception but I guess I was lazy with my pills, missing a couple here and there (as I had been many times in my 10 years of taking them and never a slip up before, no excuse though I know).

We agonised over it but I had such awful PND with my first I just couldn’t bring myself to do it again, for fear of what would happen to me.. to my DD. It’s also an awful financial climate and whilst we get by at the moment, another would undoubtably add more pressure. I need to be the best parent I can be to her and so we decided on this path.

Only my husband knows. My sister can’t have children and my mum is very much against termination so absolutely cannot tell either of them.

I had a scan on Monday with BPAS. Lots of tears but absolutely lovely nurse, only to be told it is in fact too early.. I must only be 4 weeks and I have to wait another week and go back for another scan. Has anyone else experienced that? She made me do a test to confirm it was positive, it’s just dragging on and each day is so emotionally painful.

I presume when I go through with it finally I’ll be about 5.5 weeks.. I’ve read so many things. I think I just need to know it’s all going to be ok, because I really can’t tell anyone and my heart is breaking even though I know it’s the right thing. X

OP posts:
Lookitaahhh · 09/08/2023 21:10

Oh my lovely, that must be absolutely heartbreaking for you and your husband. I have no advice except to say that I absolutely agree that you need to be there for the child you already have who you obviously love very, very much to have made this decision. I’m sure there will be better words of wisdom coming from others but I just wanted to offer a handhold and a hug ❤️

daffodi · 09/08/2023 21:27

Hand hold right here. I’ve been through it and I know it’s the crappest of crap. Sounds like you are doing the right thing. Remember, to continue with this pregnancy now would mean committing to that choice forever. Whereas with the termination you can see how things go and if you feel up to another in the future, so be it, you can - there’s no pressure for you. I had one with BPAS just over six months ago, they sent me the medication before 4 weeks and I didn’t need a scan. Completed at 4+3. You will feel a mixture of emotions, just be kind to yourself and focus on distractions. Only a PM away if you want someone to talk to. X

daffodi · 09/08/2023 21:28

^ push for them to see you sooner without a rescan, the wait is unbearable and I couldn’t have gone through with it much last 5 weeks I don’t think. X

LatteLady · 09/08/2023 21:31

I am so sorry you find yourself in this position and my thoughts are with you. No one takes this decision lightly, you have just a had a contraceptive failure at a the wrong time. No judgement, just a hand hold and a hug to use when you need it.

Original poster
Liverpoolgirl50 · 09/08/2023 21:32

Thank you so much @Lookitaahhh ❤️

Thank you too @daffodi 💖 and I’m sorry you had to go through the same thing. Her reasoning is it could still be a chemical pregnancy/miscarriage and so they have to wait til the 5 week mark, which is horrible really. Apparently a lot changed through covid. Each day it grows I just feel more guilty, so I’m praying that by next weekend it’ll all be over. Luckily have a very mischievous 1 year old to keep me distracted! X

OP posts:
Original poster
Liverpoolgirl50 · 09/08/2023 21:36

Thank you @LatteLady I really appreciate that 💖

Thank you all for being so kind.. these things are just shrouded in shame and it’s crap x

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 09/08/2023 21:38

I had a surgical abortion at just under 6 weeks a couple of years ago.

I knew it was the right decision, and I don't regret it, but I didn't want it to be the right decision, if that makes sense.
Like you I'd had very bad PND, which I was only just coming out of (DD1 was only 11 months, I have since had a second child), plus it was June 2020 so height of the first lockdown, no idea what was going to happen with our jobs or anything.

I'm surprised you needed a scan though, I thought they could still do pills by post? The only scan I had was while they were physically doing the procedure.

Piscesmumma1978 · 09/08/2023 21:40

All I can say is thank god we still have the choice in this country. You don't have to tell anyone.

If it's not right, it's not right. Good luck xx

daffodi · 09/08/2023 21:44

Liverpoolgirl50 · 09/08/2023 21:32

Thank you so much @Lookitaahhh ❤️

Thank you too @daffodi 💖 and I’m sorry you had to go through the same thing. Her reasoning is it could still be a chemical pregnancy/miscarriage and so they have to wait til the 5 week mark, which is horrible really. Apparently a lot changed through covid. Each day it grows I just feel more guilty, so I’m praying that by next weekend it’ll all be over. Luckily have a very mischievous 1 year old to keep me distracted! X

Oh no. It’s so odd it’s so inconsistent though, mine was early 2023 with them and they didn’t say any of that. I’d ask for a second opinion x

namechangerpo · 09/08/2023 21:45

@Liverpoolgirl50 sending you a hug- I have been in your shoes, it really is a horrible decision to make.

Please don't worry about the actual termination. When I was in your shoes I read lots of horror stories and scared myself so much. The difference with me was that I didn't tell my husband I was pregnant/ for quite a few reasons. He never ever would have agreed to the termination and would have thought I cheated (which I never would and never have).

Anyway, I took the tablets and just said I didn't feel well. It was over in a few hours and the cramps were similar to period pains, no worse. I just took it easy and was back to work the next day.

Hope you are okay and they can see you sooner so you can get it over and done with xx

LaLaLouella · 09/08/2023 21:46

I'm sorry you are going through this - it must be awful and the waiting even worse.

Don't feel guilty and don't feel you have to 'confess' to your DS and DM, it's none of their business and you don't need their input on this - you are doing what's best for yourself and your family.

Hugs, I hope it's all over soon x

JosieBee12 · 09/08/2023 21:48

For different personal reasons, I have had 2 medical terminations when I was young. I had one at 6 weeks and one at 9 weeks. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. Last one happened 9 years ago - the journey hasn’t always been easy… but I made it through

sending all the support I can muster because I know how difficult a decision it is to make. There is no wrong decision here. You do what’s right for you and your family. You’ve got this ❤️ if you need any further support I am always always always willing to help

SM4713 · 09/08/2023 21:52

I had medical TFRM, but also worked in similar area- so have some advice.

  • The meds can cause diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting and a high fever. I had a beetroot red face and felt like I was burning up. These are all fairly short lasting effects, and paracetamol and anti-sickness meds can help. They aren't allergic reactions, but common side effects and normal
  • At 5 weeks, I wouldn't expect you will have a great deal of pain, maybe mild period cramps. Obviously, everyone is different though and its recommended to take paracetamol before you think you'll need it
  • If the pill worked for you otherwise, going forward, you might consider the evra patch or nuva ring- which don't need to be remembered daily and are only weekly or monthly things or a longer acting contraceptive like the implant or IUD/coil.

Happy to answer any questions you have x

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/08/2023 23:13

Liverpoolgirl50 · 09/08/2023 21:32

Thank you so much @Lookitaahhh ❤️

Thank you too @daffodi 💖 and I’m sorry you had to go through the same thing. Her reasoning is it could still be a chemical pregnancy/miscarriage and so they have to wait til the 5 week mark, which is horrible really. Apparently a lot changed through covid. Each day it grows I just feel more guilty, so I’m praying that by next weekend it’ll all be over. Luckily have a very mischievous 1 year old to keep me distracted! X

I went through this with a 5 week they almost sent me away but then realized they could see it. I also had the feeling of not wanting it to grow any more and feeling like I would feel guilty and unsure if it did (I didn't want it to have a heartbeat - that was just my personal feeling/ timeline/choice).
Please stock up on good painkillers as just paracetomol won't cut it the cramping made me vomit. And prepare yourself that you might see or hear the pregnancy coming out into loo x

voltacup · 10/08/2023 08:22

So sorry you're going through this, I was shocked to find I was pregnant 2 years ago when I already had 2 children and definitely didn't want any more. I was so certain in my decision but it doesn't stop you thinking about what ifs and I felt very emotional. Bpas were great and sent me pills without scanning me. I was so nervous about pain but whole process was really manageable, hopefully it will be for you too as your are also very early on. I'm sorry you're having to wait, be kind to yourself Flowers

juneybean · 10/08/2023 08:28

My friend literally just had a medical termination with BPAS, she didn't go in for a scan, just sent her the pills by post after a 45 minute consultation. She was very early too. Surprised they haven't just given you the pills?

Original poster
Liverpoolgirl50 · 10/08/2023 12:38

Thank you all for being so kind. I really needed it last night 💖

I did follow this up today. I was sent for a scan initially as I had some bleeding and there were concerns it could be ectopic, hence the further scan next Monday to confirm it’s definitely a pregnancy they saw on the scan.

It’s really not ideal but I’m hoping one more week and I can try to move forward.

OP posts:
Original poster
Liverpoolgirl50 · 11/08/2023 19:58

I just wanted to come back on here. My sister rang me tonight. I said in my earlier post she couldn’t have children, she’s 42, couldn’t conceive naturally and had 3 failed IVF cycles.

She’s just found out she’s 8 weeks pregnant, naturally.

It’s given me such peace, that this is her time and not ours. It’s heartbreaking in a sense for what could’ve been, but doesn’t life work in such mysterious ways. I just wanted to say now I know I’m going to be ok 🌸 x

OP posts:
SM4713 · 11/08/2023 20:21

Thank you for the update OP ❤

Piscesmumma1978 · 13/08/2023 21:12

That's amazing news for your sister 💖I hope you're ok xx

Original poster
Liverpoolgirl50 · 15/08/2023 20:02

Thank you 💖 went back for my scan and they confirmed I was 5 weeks. I have my phone call booked for Thursday, and have a pill collection appointment booked for Friday so by the end of the week it should all be over.

Thank you again everyone for all of the support x

OP posts:
LatteLady · 16/08/2023 12:56

Just to say if you need to DM anyone on Friday, I will be around for any support you might need.

MoodyMom · 16/08/2023 13:19

My DD went through a medical termination yesterday, she was a bit further along than you at 8+3 and her circumstances are very different but apart from looking pale today, you would never know. Sending you love and a handhold. It is a difficult thing to go through, but for many people is the right choice.

Original poster
Liverpoolgirl50 · 19/08/2023 13:25

Thank you everyone. I’ve just taken the 4 tablets and waiting for things to get going. Husband is at work and have our DD to look after this afternoon so hoping it’ll hold out until he’s home later and I can tap out if needs be!

@MoodyMom i did actually see your thread the other day. I hope you’re all doing ok now 💖

OP posts:
LatteLady · 19/08/2023 13:31

Just to say, my hand is here if you need it.