Medical termination (sensitive). Looking for a hand hold?

[Liverpoolgirl50]

So, what a mess. Let me know if I need to move this somewhere else, I really wasn’t sure of the right place.

I’m 30, happily married, home owner, one year old DD. Last week I found out I was pregnant again. Total shock, used contraception but I guess I was lazy with my pills, missing a couple here and there (as I had been many times in my 10 years of taking them and never a slip up before, no excuse though I know).

We agonised over it but I had such awful PND with my first I just couldn’t bring myself to do it again, for fear of what would happen to me.. to my DD. It’s also an awful financial climate and whilst we get by at the moment, another would undoubtably add more pressure. I need to be the best parent I can be to her and so we decided on this path.

Only my husband knows. My sister can’t have children and my mum is very much against termination so absolutely cannot tell either of them.

I had a scan on Monday with BPAS. Lots of tears but absolutely lovely nurse, only to be told it is in fact too early.. I must only be 4 weeks and I have to wait another week and go back for another scan. Has anyone else experienced that? She made me do a test to confirm it was positive, it’s just dragging on and each day is so emotionally painful.

I presume when I go through with it finally I’ll be about 5.5 weeks.. I’ve read so many things. I think I just need to know it’s all going to be ok, because I really can’t tell anyone and my heart is breaking even though I know it’s the right thing. X

Thank you @LatteLady - it started about 2:30 and I think it might be over. Thankfully my husband got home just as it was getting bad.

It was absolutely excruciating and I couldn’t help but sob and my poor DD must have heard downstairs. This whole thing is such a mess. Thankfully he’s occupying her now with milk!

All I know is this is never going to happen in my lifetime ever again x

Based on my own experience, let me offer some gentle advice: I had a medical termination in my teenage years and it led to PMDD, it's possible that you may be more prone to postnatal depression or PMDD after giving birth, experiencing a miscarriage, or going through a termination as I am and other women I've met who have gone through similar things are. Prepare for the possibility that your mental health may be affected, regardless of your decision to continue or terminate a pregnancy. I hope this doesn't happen of course 💗

Just to say, am thinking of you. If you can get to bed and sleep with a hot water bottle do that. The tears are to be expected, hormones will be racing through you and well, let's be honest, it's an upsetting time.

Nothing to say other than be kind to yourself, and the very best to you and you DP. You’ll be ok.

Just wanted to add that whilst I had crippling PND with my first child, I didn’t at all with my second. So if/when you do feel ready it doesn’t necessarily follow that you will. The experiences were like night and day.

How are you doing this morning? Take care of yourself, listen to your body and acknowledge your thoughts and emotions. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Sending love

Thank you all for being so kind ❤️ I slept really hard and the pain is much more manageable today.

Honestly, I’ve had a really difficult day with DD.. the start of tantrums, and all I’ve felt today is relieved we aren’t doing this again so soon. Then guilty for feeling relieved…

I imagine I’m going to go through a whole range of emotions yet x