What defines "class" in a family?

[chatenoire]

It got me thinking as my DH would be considered WC on his own (manual work low salary, GCSE), whereas I come from a more middle class (parents went to uni, I have a master's). Our joint income is just above £100k. So my assumption is that as a family we're MC.

Joint interests are going on mini breaks, a bit outdoorsy (but no camping!), the arts, but we also like going to your average indie gig.

No, pudding is middle, words like lounge, sweet, dessert, etc are wc but trying to sound posh.

Class was simply a means of oppression in times gone by. It's completely meaningless now and has been since the emergence of the middle class, who were seen as nouveaux riche upstarts in the 18th century.

Why do people want to classify themselves in this way, still?

No, it's not relevant <boggled>

Ok, so class my family:

DH parents WC industrial Birmingham. Hard life, no exams. Dad ended up Chief Executive of large publicly listed company.
DH no uni, Director in Consultancy.
My parents UC landed farmers. Mums side Italian never worked, had peasants working the land. Dad's side UK gentleman farmers. Local authority chief executive.
Me no Uni, twenty odd years in project management, SAHM ever since.

We are a fantastic mix over those three generations.

I don't want to. I don't define myself as a woman, as middle class, as white, as a mother, as a charity worker. I define and identify myself as thecatsthecats on MN, and other identities in the real world.

But how you visibly and behaviourally are identified by others is unavoidable, still has an identifiable impact on other's perception of you.

I've mostly been singled out positively for being a naice middle class girl, but I'm not blind as to how that limits other's understanding of me. The working class staff at my last office were just as surprised by some of my traumatic childhood experiences (it was relevant to work, fyi) as the upper class trustees were to learn that I am rather well connected - better than them, as it happens.

There's no valor in being blind to class or naive as to its continued effects.

According to them I've impoverished myself with my husband of choice, so don't talk to them about it all anymore.

Your parents are snobs then, as they are looking down on your husband just because of his origins.

At home when I was growing up we talked about it all the time, my dad read philosophy at uni and my DM history, so it did come up all the time.

of all the interesting issues and topics you could have been discussing instead of… class 😞

We also talked a lot about Kant, Descartes, the French Revolution, even the g Spot!

I think class is very muddled and only really relevant (if at all) amongst the higher classes.

normal mc and normal wc are much of a muchness. Builders/plumbers have similar income if not higher if self employed to office workers.

There are people who fit the stereotypes but many much greyer areas.

Oh Op

According to them I've impoverished myself with my husband of choice, so don't talk to them about it all anymore.

Your parents sound a bit thick and stuck in the dark ages so can’t imagine the conversations were particularly enlightening

My parents were quite cool until I started dating.

You're an adult now, op. Why are you continuing to let your (frankly obnoxious) parents make you feel so insecure?

Well sure

you were under their domain and you were a child / teenager

then their dark age mentality emerges when those dinner time liberal chats aren’t in the abstract anymore. Their daughter is actually out there living. And there bias and nonsense stance emerges

Why are the so called middle class so obsessed with class still? I work with people from all different backgrounds (from people grew up on council estates to people who went to boarding school) and the only people who seem to mention class are the self identified middle class, I assume it’s some kind of inferiority complex and a way to feel superior.

A philosophy lecturer with the views your father holds about your husband…. I’m guessing it wasn’t an RG uni

The thread will inevitably end up full of people either arguing class isn't really a thing or that it's only a thing on Mumsnet.

In reality it's complex and a lot more complex than it used to be generations ago. Social mobility, or lack of, is affecting our children. The Sutton Trust look at the impact of children's backgrounds on their futures and it's interesting.

But it's fun for people who are probably more privileged than most to pretend that there's no such thing anymore.

Why is it important to you to label yourself as a family? My DH is a university professor, I'm an administrator. Could care less what class we are as a family.
In the unlikely event that anyone will label you as a family, they'll probably think "He's a working class bloke who's married a middle class woman". But I think it's much more likely people will just see you as "Phil and Sarah" or whatever your names are! Except of course for your parents who seem very hung up on class.

Pretty certain the only British people who care about class are the Aspirational Middle Classes, so this must be you.

@Karwomannghia What do MC people call the lounge?
what do they call the sofa?

Is it true they call a patio a terrace?

@imactuallyfine , pudding is def. more upper-crusty than dessert (2 x S). And ditto than ‘sweet’.

@imactuallyfine , sitting room, or if you’re very upper-crusty (or trying to make out that you are) drawing room.

And it’s a sofa. Settee is frowned upon by those who concern themselves with such things.

The only time class is mentioned in this house is when we roll our eyes at our middle class
children discussing the merits of different flavours of houmous or asking for a halloumi wrap for their packed lunch… I didn’t taste either of those until I was at least 25 and packed lunch was always a cheddar cheese sandwich and packet of crisps! That might be more an age thing though.

I am so glad I live in Ireland and none of this exists. If I said ‘middle class’ it would be considered an insult. ‘Working class’ or any of those phrases I have never even heard a person say in real life here.

we obviously all earn different amounts and live in different areas but most people with jobs are ‘respectable’ people and that’s the only thing I have never heard here.

is the class ‘thing’ just in England, or does it exist in other countries?
It seems really complicated, are you always trying to figure out where someone fits in?

I meant to say I’m glad I live in Ireland because I would be in the wrong ‘class’ definitely 😂not because I think it’s bad or anything.
it’s really fascinating how you do it