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Original poster

Holiday hell

40 replies

Sunflowers223 · 06/08/2023 17:54

Just need a handhold really I suppose. I dont know who to talk to, I cant think of anyone I can talk to. I'm on holiday (self catered caravan) with my mum, we are sharing one caravan and then my sister, brother in law and 3 kids are sharing another caravan. My mum and sister have a very tumultuous relationship which has got a lot worse in the last year or so. They have had a MASSIVE argument today and now are not speaking at all. Sister saying to me our mother is a psycho etc, my mum is sobbing hysterically in her bedroom saying my sister is abusive. I'm literally just in the middle not knowing what to do.

OP posts:

MichelleScarn · 06/08/2023 23:09

What's happened @Sunflowers223 ?

PrincessFiorimonde · 06/08/2023 23:20

It sounds tough, OP. Hope you are ok

BungleandGeorge · 06/08/2023 23:30

What did your mum spend hours sobbing over in your childhood? I think that’s unusual for a parent unless she had lots of very traumatic events? It makes me wonder what she expected from her daughters as most parents would try and hide that sort of response from their kids so as not to burden them with looking after a parent.
you’re stuck in the middle because whether you stay or go you’re not going to please both of them.

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TakenRoot · 06/08/2023 23:40

None if this is your responsibility OP, they are both adults.

Be firm and clear that it is nothing to do with you, you have no argument with either (do not discuss or listen to any more info about the argument, just stick, broken record, to ‘nothing to do with me, you are adults’. But tell them that you find it hard to be around them when they are arguing so you worry about what it must be like for the kids.

If your Mum goes home: her choice, hers alone, just tell her you are sorry to see her go.

Of course you don’t have to go too. But staying doesn’t mean you let your Sister mouth off about her to you.

Why should you cut your time short ?

isthatmyage · 06/08/2023 23:47

Sunflowers223 · 06/08/2023 18:46

I just feel so sad. Just been on a walk and all families are enjoying their time away in their caravans. Wished I could join a different family.

This sums up my childhood....hope you're ok OP xxx

WhereshallIwander · 06/08/2023 23:48

I had a sobbing mother too OP. She still does it now from time to time.
Not sure if yours is similar but my mum is quite the histrionic.
I am learning to not entertain it bit by bit.

My sister sounds like yours. She tells her straight and is a lot more assertive than I am. I am always the peacemaker. 😒

EmmaPaella · 06/08/2023 23:55

This sounds really stressful OP. Poor you. Sending hugs.

CJsGoldfish · 07/08/2023 00:04

WhereshallIwander · 06/08/2023 23:48

I had a sobbing mother too OP. She still does it now from time to time.
Not sure if yours is similar but my mum is quite the histrionic.
I am learning to not entertain it bit by bit.

My sister sounds like yours. She tells her straight and is a lot more assertive than I am. I am always the peacemaker. 😒

Similar here. I could NEVER argue or criticise my mum no matter how valid because she would cry. There was a whole lot of bottling up done to not upset her which was pretty unhealthy in itself.
We have a very superficial relationship now, years of walking on eggshells and trying to make her happy has done that. The one thing I do not do is pander to her. I guess that is where your sister is at. As hard as it may be, try not to do the same. I'm sure you know that that is the quickest way to ensure it's a long drawn out issue.
I'd leave tbh if your mum can't get it together.

WhereshallIwander · 07/08/2023 00:10

CJsGoldfish · 07/08/2023 00:04

Show quote history

Oh gosh no.
If I make the slightest attempt to disagree, it's an attack on her and she'll end up sobbing all night.

I was really quite ill last year and she'd come to look after the kids one night.
My DD1 told me how my mum was crying on the sofa so I thought she was upset as I was very ill. I was actually going through the 2 week cancer referral pathway.

DD1 said no, it was because the guy who was going to put in her new kitchen had just told her he couldn't do it anymore as he was ill and off work. 😳

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/08/2023 00:10

WhereshallIwander · 06/08/2023 23:48

I had a sobbing mother too OP. She still does it now from time to time.
Not sure if yours is similar but my mum is quite the histrionic.
I am learning to not entertain it bit by bit.

My sister sounds like yours. She tells her straight and is a lot more assertive than I am. I am always the peacemaker. 😒

Yes. Only strong boundaries and age have taught me to deal with it. She seeks out opportunities to get upset too. It's a minefield.

OP I'm sorry. It sounds awful. But don't prioritise your mum. Enjoy your holiday.

EleanorLucyG · 07/08/2023 00:25

Sunflowers223 · 06/08/2023 18:40

Complete waste. No because my mum will miss her Grankids, she's meant to be on a holiday with her kids and grandkids.

Well she's gonna miss them if she goes home too. So that comment is nonsense (I know it's not you making that comment it's your mum).

my mum sobbing for hours takes me right back to my childhood

What's the story here? Has your mum got form for being a drama llama?

BlueSkyAndButterflies · 07/08/2023 00:42

Sunflowers223 · 06/08/2023 18:56

I don't think my sister and her family will be going home. I think my mum will go home and then I'll be left with the decision whether to let her leave on her own or to go home too. We live hours away from each other so we won't be together if me and my mum both go home.

Then you stay and enjoy your holiday, surely? There's nothing to be gained by you going home as well.

Either listen, but be non-commital, to your sister or tell her the subject of mum/the row is off limits because it's supposed to be a holiday and the argument was nothing to do with you.

Don't say anything to your sister about her kids, especially if you're not going to listen to anything about the argument/mum. That's a sure fire way of ensuring your sister goes no-contact with you as well as your mum, because that's likely where all this is heading. Your sister has had enough of your mum's theatrics and manipulation.

I'll bet the only way your sister can not get into a row with your mum is if your sister doesn't stand up for herself when your mum treats her badly, or for your sister to pander to your mum when you mum tries to make absolutely everything all about her. The way to protect her kids from it is to go no-contact, not for your sister to put up with your mum's crap.

Your mum sounds like someone who can't stand it if she's not the centre of attention, so picks fights with people and takes offense over nothing so she can be the victim and everyone fuss round her.

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 07/08/2023 00:49

What has BIL said about the argument?

Personally I would knock both their heads together, tell them to paste a smile on their faces for the little ones and see out the week.

Dibbydoos · 07/08/2023 00:54

Going through the same thing with my DS abd DM at the mo. I've told them both it's their relationship, not mine so they need to sort it.

My DS can be acidic. My DM is 84yo and has always told stories that aren't quite accurate, so I can't get near the truth.

As your in a can with your DM, just depend time with her if you can.

toomuchlaundry · 07/08/2023 00:56

Who thought this holiday would be a good idea?

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