Can’t get over MIL reaction

[swissrollisntswiss]

I know I need to get over this but for some reason I can’t.

PIL came to stay with us for the weekend. On the first night, DS (2.5yrs) woke up crying and said he felt ill. I got a syringe of calpol but he refused it and fell asleep again. I put the syringe up on the chest of drawers in our bedroom in case he woke again. DS was absolutely fine the next morning. I went off to work and everyone else stayed at home.

That evening, MIL spoke to me when we were alone. She said that DS had come into the kitchen with sticky hands whilst I was at work. He had taken his step stool and got hold of the syringe. She said she tried to ask DS lots of times if he had had any but didn’t get an answer. The part I can’t get over is that she kept repeating that she wouldn’t tell DH what had happened.

I would have expected her to have just mentioned it to DH at the time. Her saying she won’t tell DH is driving me crazy. Does she think I have put DS in such danger that he would be angry? Of course I have told DH anyway. I agree that I shouldn’t have left it there (although it was less than a full dose so no harm would have come) but also he was meant to be under the supervision of 3 adults, including her, all day. We live in a flat, if he drags his heavy step stool anywhere you know about it.

Am I downplaying this or was she over dramatising? I should probably add what I was 35 weeks pregnant at the time in case it’s relevant to my reaction.

Your MIL is being an arse. It's a minor forgivable mistake and no harm was done. The stuff about not mentioning it to your DH is weird and says a lot about her relationship with her own husband. If I were you I'd say to DH in front of her, "son managed to get half a dose of calpol off the shelf. Not sure how he manoeuvred the step with no one noticing. But it's all fine"

Just ignore her. You've told your DH (not that it was a big deal anyway, it's not like he got hold of the whole calpol bottle and was swigging from it). She's trying to make a drama out of it, so the best thing you can do is ignore it.

I agree. I'd have mentioned it in front of them both.
She thinks she's got one up on you by saying she wouldn't mention it to your DH.
What an odd woman she sounds.

She's trying to shame you.

It's paracetamol, not heroin. Bloody hell.

She either (wrongly) imagines something quite serious has just happened...or she's fucking with you for her own entertainment. Which, I don't know.

Ignore it before casually bringing it up with both of them in the room.

Would her own husband have had an angry over reaction if she’d done it when her children were small? Maybe she’s projecting.

Who was watching him when he self-Calpoled?

She's projecting her guilt onto you. She knows they should've been watching him

Was she telling you but not DH coz she should have been watching your DS at the time but wasn't and is scared of your DH. Or is she shit stirring

If it makes you feel better, I walked in on my DD3 chugging calpol like tequila from a bottle that I accidently left open after she too climbed up to get it.

I don't agree with this either. She didn't know the calpol was there.

There's no fault here...it's just one of those things. And it's only calpol.

I would have told husband in front of mother in law. Showing them that you aren't afraid of owning your mistakes and a reminder for all that a child can use his step stool to reach things that people may think are high enough up.

May be worth checking where things like razors, scissors, packet paracetamol etc are kept if nobody heard him moving it to stop him.

2 options
1st she is having a go at you has she done this prior?

or how is FIL with MIL when things go wrong?. Is it possible she did not want "drama" and if MIL was in that position FIL would kick off?

Surely if she should’ve been watching him then it’s her mistake as much as the fact it was possible for him to get hold of it (which, tbh I don’t think is a huge drama).

I’ve had similar from MiL and it came in her case from a fear of what her DH would say. If a person’s partner is the sort of person to tell you off/shout/educate you/chastise then eventually that becomes the norm and they expect it for you too. Maybe she thinks your DH will do the above?

She's bigging up the drama. Obviously wasn't ideal that he got hold of the syringe of Calpol, but as you say, it wasn't even a full dose so no harm done.

Why on earth did she think she was doing you some sort of huge favour by not telling your DH? Does she view the man as the head of the household who rules with an iron rod? That ridiculous old fashioned view?

Well done for telling DH yourself and probably taking the wind out of her sail.

You could ask how it turned out that the three of them were totally unable to supervise one small boy?

But he's 2 and a half. He should be supervised at all times. Whether or not she knew the Calpol was there is irrelevant.
OP you left a 2.5 year old being supervised by 3 adults and they missed this happening, between them. You are at no fault whatsoever here and what your MIL is up to is anyone's guess, but if I were you I'd be like, ok, why was no-one watching him that he could accomplish this? And luckily he wasn't in any danger from a tiny dose of Calpol, but it could have been something else!

Ignore her. She’s trying to shame you. How does she even know it was you and not your husband who left the syringe?

I don't know about you, but I never tracked my kids around their own bedrooms when they were tots. They came and went in them as they pleased, while I kept a deek out. I'm sure yours did too.
No granny didn't follow a foot behind him every single place he went in his own home that day. No one does.

It was in the OP’s bedroom. I’d expect some level of supervision so that he (or the duvet cover) didn’t end up caked in blusher.

No I agree not literally monitoring every step, but OP says he dragged a heavy stepstool to stand on to get it. He's 2.5, you keep an eye on them. This should not have been missed by the other THREE adults who were in the house at the time!

So...OP was very mildly careless and granny was also very mildly careless. Nothing happened as result of either. It's non issue even if granny wants it to be something more.

This one can easily be flicked away.

Best comment and totally agree!

Thank you all for your thoughts, they’re along the same lines as mine. Afterwards I thought of ways I could have responded to her but I’m never very good of thinking of them in the moment. Telling DH in front of her would have been the best way of dealing with it.

FIL is a very difficult man so it’s possible that this reaction comes from her experience. DH shrugged it off as no harm done and a lesson learned for us both.