Can’t get over MIL reaction

[swissrollisntswiss]

I know I need to get over this but for some reason I can’t.

PIL came to stay with us for the weekend. On the first night, DS (2.5yrs) woke up crying and said he felt ill. I got a syringe of calpol but he refused it and fell asleep again. I put the syringe up on the chest of drawers in our bedroom in case he woke again. DS was absolutely fine the next morning. I went off to work and everyone else stayed at home.

That evening, MIL spoke to me when we were alone. She said that DS had come into the kitchen with sticky hands whilst I was at work. He had taken his step stool and got hold of the syringe. She said she tried to ask DS lots of times if he had had any but didn’t get an answer. The part I can’t get over is that she kept repeating that she wouldn’t tell DH what had happened.

I would have expected her to have just mentioned it to DH at the time. Her saying she won’t tell DH is driving me crazy. Does she think I have put DS in such danger that he would be angry? Of course I have told DH anyway. I agree that I shouldn’t have left it there (although it was less than a full dose so no harm would have come) but also he was meant to be under the supervision of 3 adults, including her, all day. We live in a flat, if he drags his heavy step stool anywhere you know about it.

Am I downplaying this or was she over dramatising? I should probably add what I was 35 weeks pregnant at the time in case it’s relevant to my reaction.

My daughter fell between the boards of a picnic table while camping. My (now) EX husband was quick to blame me tho 4 adults were literally in arms reach. He was stopped short by the only other male…hey no blaming when kids fall or get hurt. Instead of looking to place fault (MIL) or who should have been watching (MN and valid point) it’s simply yes I won’t leave it there again and a reminder to her dc is active curious and creative. Blaming creates this environment where “harmless accidents” must be kept secret which I suspect is where your MIL’s mind lives. My ex would say “what did he fall off of” and I would say his FEET.

She seems to be implying your son got the dose of calpol. Which assuming it's one dose won't be a problem. The not telling your husband is due to the myth that men are superior and he may be annoyed with you

I know it was less than a full dose, so not dangerous to DS in any way. But if she thought it was such a dreadful thing, to make such a fuss about, I'd be quite unhappy that she hid it from your husband when he was the parent present, and delayed potential medical treatment had it been needed. (again, I know no treatment was at all necessary, but it really sounds like MIL may have, with her reaction?!)

If he'd pulled a heavy thing onto his head that you'd left lying around, would she have come sidling up to you telling you she 'won't tell DH, but DS pulled your hammer onto his head earlier' or whatever? I don't like the way she seems to think things should be secret to protect the adult iyswim? Surely the priority should be the child?

Tbh, if it was me, I'd probably have immediately asked why on earth she hadn't told DH, because it would have genuinely made no sense at all to me why she hadn't. I wonder what her answer would have been?

I'd also agree with you that 3 adults should have noticed him climbing up to high surfaces in an adults bedroom. There could have been things up there like scissors, or adult meds, or as PP said make up or nail polish that would have not been good for him to get at. You obviously had it as a mental 'out of reach of DS space' hence putting the calpol there.

I can’t quite get my head around some of these replies.

MIL probably thought she was saving you from having an argument with your husband.

FIL is a very difficult man so it’s possible that this reaction comes from her experience

I suspect the above is true. If she was trying to shame you, she would have said something in front of everyone. I think she was trying to protect you, even though it wasn’t needed.

Just say you've already told DH, & there's no point in carrying on this guilt trip

All the people saying she felt guilty-why should she, she wouldn't have known there was medicine lying about!!!

MIL probably thought she was saving you from having an argument with your husband.
I'd totally agree with this, while it's a backward notion to not tell the other and I don't think you should be grateful, I think you shouldn't be thinking any way badly of your mil. And I think you're downplaying this-it was medicine, had she not told you and you'd forgotten and given more you wouldn't have known you'd given double the dosage

@Dotcheck I do agree that she was well meaning in that respect but, by making it a secret, she insinuated that my actions put DS in so much danger that DH could react badly. Her worry about how much DS had consumed was irrational. I wouldn’t expect her to know that he can have 7.5ml at his age but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that there wouldn’t be more than the recommended dose in the syringe. It was all over the drawers too so at most he licked some off his fingers. If he’d got hold of the bottle it would have been a different story and I would hope she would have told DH straight away.

@stayathomer I completely agree that she was right to mention it but she could have just mentioned it to DH at the time. It’s a shame she doesn’t DH well enough to know that it wouldn’t have caused an argument. We’re open with mistakes that we make with the DC even if the other isn’t around so we can both learn from them.

It sounds like your relationship is healthy, but I think someone who has never experienced healthy, they may not have perspective/ balance.

I did exactly the same at that age! My mum was horrified but no harm done

You are missing possible bit where when she tells her son her DH may become involved in a drama

3 adults in the flat
Dh is working so not to blame
FiL is not mothering so can not ever be blamed
MiL is to blame
So it is not at all about Dh and how he reacts.

Ask your DH how PIL managed arguments

Really stupid of her not to tell him, because what if it has been more than a dose / what if your DH had already given him some without her knowing?? Would she just wait and not say anything about a possible overdose for fear of his reaction??

Your DH's reaction of "no harm and a lesson learned" was obv the right one though so at least he's more logical than she is!

A complete non issue, so what if he’d taken one dose of calpol? Ooo what’s it going to do other than soothe a headache?

now my DS told me while I was driving on a motorway that he was enjoying some calpol straight from the bottle in the back seat of the car which was sheer panic. Hubby had put in side pocket and lid was loose. Luckily he only had three gulps but now that is something to feel way more guilty about!!!