Met this woman today

[Lostinplaces]

Accomplished, intellectual, awesome career, financially secure, highly educated.
I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others and we’re all different and contribute to the world in different ways but I felt such pangs of jealousy, inadequacy, just a complete and utter failure at life.
Happy for her of course and her achievements, she’s a lovely, lovely person but fuck I wish I was her. Hate feeling so shit and jealous and crap, crap, crap. There’s not much I can do to change my lot for various shitty reasons. This too shall pass, right?

I’m sure you have many good traits. Focus on those? I think you’re being really honest to admit you feel this way, you see the wrong in it which is great - I bet lots of people feel jealous of others more than they let on and exhibit unhealthy behaviours because of this. Least you are aware of it. It will pass, you’re not inadequate, she may well feel the exact same about you.

Argh gosh, this resonates with me so much! I feel like an utter failure in every aspect. I'm jealous of everyone 😂

For me I always believe in myself, are there people better more successful etc yes.

We all have our uniqueness.

I get it. I feel like a right loser when I meet people who have great jobs, big houses etc. I think that they really must have it all together and I don't. I feel envious at times, too.

But then I remind myself I'm only seeing a snapshot of what they present; I don't know what their home-life etc is like, how stressful their impressive or high powered their job might be. And I remind myself I'm beyond lucky to have my wonderful husband, and how he means the world to me. Try to take my mind off it, I guess.

You might think that about me OP, but I've not washed my bra or bed sheets for weeks.

You're seeing what you want to see!

From the outside you might say I have a lot of those things. I am really bloody lonely though, and feel like a failure a lot of the time. But I dont think you would see that if you met me.

In what capacity did you meet her? Could you reframe it that you met an inspiration/ mentor?

You see what people want you to see. People don't show vulnerabilities, they show you their successes.

Don’t compare the inside of yourself with the outside of others @Lostinplaces

She may well have been comparing herself unfavourably to you at the same time, wishing she had beautiful hair/ a lovely family/ dress sense/ interesting hobby/ less stressful job like you.

Often with high achievers comes a lack of self confidence (a need to prove their work through endless achievements), anxiety, perfectionism etc. I bet she could have provided a long list of her own flaws and perceived shortcomings if you’d have asked.

You’re all too bloody fabulous, was expecting an arse kicking for sure for being a twat. This is 100% about me and not her at all. I’ve fucked myself up and made some awful choices that have put me in the position I’m in today and just seeing her and hearing her talk about her life (not in a bragging way) really hit it home for me what an absolute fuck up I am 🤦🏻‍♀️ for context she’s a fellow parent from DC’s school, met up today for a play date. She just radiates confidence and ‘togetherness’ and I’ve made myself feel an inch tall in response because I’m a silly bastard.

OP you might just be underestimating yourself here. I've just read your last post and you are so very likeable.

@DoubleTime thank you. I try to be a good person, to have compassion and kindness for others, it’s a massive hurdle for me to practice that for myself.

I know logically I’m being daft, maybe I’m getting my period or something. I’m just an emotional wreck today and my mental health is in the toilet. My resilience is clearly at an all time low. Hopefully will feel better after a good nights sleep. Thank you all.

Ha, I was thinking maybe you met me, except I am fat and menopausal and a bit old so probably not.

Seriously though, I have a good job, a good salary, a lovely husband, 2 delightful teens, a great house BUT I see myself mostly as fat. That won't be most folks first impression, I am a size 18, not HUGE. But that is how I see myself. Mostly fat! FFS

and always have thanks to my parents, even when I was size 12

So you dont know what's inside OP

You’re all right of course, I have absolutely no idea what is really going on in her life (though I hope nothing bad) people don’t tend to blurt out their troubles at the first meeting do they? We all put our best faces on and keep our business to ourselves.
I will shake this off I’m sure, she is inspiring me to do better I just need to find a way how.

You're right to remember that the inside doesn't always match the outside.

After years of knowing someone, they recently said to me something along the lines of how I'm always so confident, really driven and ambitious and organised (ha fucking ha omg they should see my house) and that they've always been intimidated by me and how easy everything seems for me.

I was like - are you kidding, I'm a fuckin mess hanging on by a thread?!?

You could be describing one of my oldest friends and I too get occasional pangs of envy when I see what she's up to on Instagram. It's hard to not feel a failure. But I would find her life exhausting, there's no way I'd swap. We're quite different people.

She's bloody brilliant though, she's worked her arse off and deserves all of it. And when we get together (all too rarely, sadly), we immediately revert to the teenagers we used to be.

Comparison is the thief of joy and all that.

Yeah, I bet she was sitting there thinking "wow, that lost is a lively friendly person, look how good she is with her kids, I wish I had time to be patient with my children like that" or some such. You should talk to her about how you feel! And you'll find out where you see confident togetherness she feels like julia-from-motherland

Love this! 🫶🏻

I had a similar convo with a friend years ago who said "you always make me feel so inadequate dropping the kids off, looking all smart and ready for work. You must think we are a lazy bunch hanging round the school gates chatting". I was like, my inner narrative is "fuck I'm late, where is Charlie's packed lunch, why is everyone else's children dressed up, fuck I'm late, I can still get there in time if I don't hang around, oh fuckit I've laddered my tights" or similar.....

I would be absolutely mortified if people knew who I really was. My house is a shit tip with clutter and general disorder. I was rotten with cold and had no make up on yesterday, hair scraped back and bags under my eyes from lack of sleep. I wasn’t my best self and that probably didn’t help matters!

Glad it’s not just me, it’s so hard not to compare yourself to others especially when they seem to be everything you wish you were!

Thank you, I must have some good traits in me somewhere. I have a good sense of humour and I’m caring wish that could pay my bills 😆

Self belief is so important, I wish I knew how to do it. I’ve always struggled with my confidence and self esteem I’ve never been able to change that, sadly.

I will try to think like this thank you, it’s true we can never really know other peoples struggles unless they tell us. I do have many things in my life I should be grateful for lovely husband and three amazing children, just wish so much I could be better for them.