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Original poster

Are children always sad to move house?

42 replies

Esgaroth · 31/07/2023 23:45

Mine are 8 and 6. We told them today that we had an offer accepted on a house and they both burst into tears.

It is not far away from where we currently live so they don't have to change school.

I didn't really expect them to be particularly happy or excited as of course it's a big change but they both seem devastated 😕

How can we make this transition easier for them and is it just to be expected that kids hate moving house?

OP posts:
Market1 · 31/07/2023 23:46

well, they are clearly very happy where they are, so that shows you have made a happy home, which is great, but this is the cost, grief at losing it - this is the cost of loving anything.

they will be fine once they have resettled, you are clearly good at making a happy home

Market1 · 31/07/2023 23:48

Make it easier for them by letting them choose the colour and decoration in their new bedrooms, letting them help pack up their things, being clear and honest with them, and communicating every step of the way. They can be planning how to arrange their new rooms with computer simulators, etc

CinnamonBunAndCoffee · 31/07/2023 23:50

My children got upset when I told them we were going to move house. When we talked to them about it, it turned out they thought when you move house you have to leave all of your stuff in your old house! Once they realised they would be taking all of their possessions with them, they were fine. I’d not even considered they would think we had to leave the whole lot behind.

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LeavesOnTrees · 31/07/2023 23:52

Have they visited the house ? It must be bigger / better than your current home which you could show them.
You could try getting them excited about their new bedrooms with decorating, paint colours, rugs etc.

Also make sure they're clear in their heads that they aren't changing schools.

Children are afraid of the unknown, the more you involve them the easier it will be.

Original poster
Esgaroth · 31/07/2023 23:54

CinnamonBunAndCoffee · 31/07/2023 23:50

My children got upset when I told them we were going to move house. When we talked to them about it, it turned out they thought when you move house you have to leave all of your stuff in your old house! Once they realised they would be taking all of their possessions with them, they were fine. I’d not even considered they would think we had to leave the whole lot behind.

My son probably did think this as he asked whether he could take his bed with him, but even once he understood we'd be taking everything he was still sad.

He does live next door to his best friend at the moment which I understand will be a wrench for him to leave but we are really not going far. I suppose when you are 6 it feels further.

OP posts:
Original poster
Esgaroth · 31/07/2023 23:57

Thank you, this is a lovely way to look at it ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
Esgaroth · 31/07/2023 23:59

Ugh that was supposed to quote the first reply from Market1.

OP posts:
mrsfollowill · 01/08/2023 00:00

I moved a lot as a child- really a lot- I went to 5 different infant/primary schools but I was fine with it. I was lucky our house was always a happy home wherever it was thanks to my lovely mum. We moved so much in a short time because of my Dad's job- he kept getting promoted and each promotion meant a move- on average 12-18 months in one place.
We settled in one place once I got to senior school age and they bought a house (previous places came rented with the job) and stayed there whilst me and my siblings went through seniors/sixth form. Dad still moved around but to places in easy reach of the family home.
I didn't mind it at the time - but that said DH and I have lived in our house for 25yrs and DS has never lived anywhere other than this house and he is in his early 20's. If I win the lottery we'll move but other than that we have enough room for us all and we are happy staying put!

dreamonlucid · 01/08/2023 00:02

My older teens are still grumpy with us for moving!, I think all ages get settled and don't like being moved.

Mind you we knew there would be some resistance but it's 8 months in and panning out really well so far after a bumpy start.

SadButStillTrue · 01/08/2023 00:02

CinnamonBunAndCoffee · 31/07/2023 23:50

My children got upset when I told them we were going to move house. When we talked to them about it, it turned out they thought when you move house you have to leave all of your stuff in your old house! Once they realised they would be taking all of their possessions with them, they were fine. I’d not even considered they would think we had to leave the whole lot behind.

Hilarious. Mine were exactly the same - I thought it was just their peculiarity! Perhaps it's actually a thing then.

I remember being so excited to move house but I was a bit older than yours and life was very, very dull so it was the highlight of the year.

But I think, in the words of my own DC: "it's all I know".... that can unsettle a child. They don't want the disruption and can almost feel they their childhood memories will be left behind.

They love our new house btw. And I am so so happy here. Even the most reluctant mover eventually settles and it will be alright. They just need time.

mrsfollowill · 01/08/2023 00:07

Let them make their rooms their own- they will have their own beds and things like bedcovers and cushions. I was always excited to make my 'new bedroom' my own. I used to share with my sister when we were under 10 - we got on so it was very reassuring to have company in the night. We sorted 'our room' how we liked it. We also had the same furniture as the rented places were unfurnished so we had the same sofa/chairs/dining room etc just in a different location. It's good they stay at the same school as well so continuity there.

Original poster
Esgaroth · 01/08/2023 00:11

LeavesOnTrees · 31/07/2023 23:52

Have they visited the house ? It must be bigger / better than your current home which you could show them.
You could try getting them excited about their new bedrooms with decorating, paint colours, rugs etc.

Also make sure they're clear in their heads that they aren't changing schools.

Children are afraid of the unknown, the more you involve them the easier it will be.

Yes, they actually did come with us when we viewed it as we couldn't get a babysitter. It is bigger and we think it's better. They won't have bigger rooms really but more living space, more than one bathroom, a nicer garden, bit closer to school and a spare room so we don't need to shuffle them round when we have visitors. But I'm not sure how much of that they will value!

We have lived in our current flat since my eldest was 11 months so it's all they both remember, which must be hard.

OP posts:
Silentmama2 · 01/08/2023 00:35

My regret was not walking my kids around the empty house to show them we took everything - to this day (10 years later) DD still mentions some little pet shop pieces we left (we did not leave anything at all)..

If you can't walk them round - video footage of empty rooms would be a close second.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 01/08/2023 00:43

My DSs have always been really positive about moves. However I always involved them in some way. They came to look at houses with me (when we had a choice) and I always explained the reasons for moving to them, in an age suitable way when they were younger and with more financial details as they got older.

Obviously the 'move to a bigger and better house' moves were easier, but even the moves to smaller houses were ok. They never felt it was done TO them, but that they were part of the move and had some input.

They've always responded better to change with lots of notice and a chance to verbalise feelings or concerns.

Last 2 moves were big ones, involving move overseas and then interstate in new country. I've promised them that we would, as far as I could control, not move out of the area so that they could finish secondary school without changing schools, but that once

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 01/08/2023 00:45

Oops, sent too soon.

Once they finished secondary school and were at uni (usual to live at home when at uni here) we might move a little bit further out (house prices in current area much higher) and they are both ok with that.

Catskidsandme · 01/08/2023 00:57

3 moves for eldesr dc and 1 for the youngest. Eldest loves moving and asks when we will move again. Youngest still mourns our old house.
During their first moves, both did think we left all our stuff and were upset about their toys. Once we explained that we took everything and were moving for more space or closer to school etc they were fine.
We did take them to viewings and allowed them to choose decor and help decorate.

Kittyhasababy · 01/08/2023 08:24

We moved to another flat in the same building and dd was still a bit sad! She was fine when we actually moved in though.

Original poster
Esgaroth · 01/08/2023 09:13

Hmm we deliberately didn't involve them in house hunting as far as possible because we didn't want them to have to think about it until something was definitely happening. It's been a very long time since we started looking, viewed loads, offers on a few and it's been very stressful for us so we wanted them shielded from that a little. Although sometimes we had to take them so it's not like they had no idea.

Maybe we haven't handled it well!

OP posts:
Market1 · 01/08/2023 09:24

Esgaroth · 01/08/2023 09:13

Hmm we deliberately didn't involve them in house hunting as far as possible because we didn't want them to have to think about it until something was definitely happening. It's been a very long time since we started looking, viewed loads, offers on a few and it's been very stressful for us so we wanted them shielded from that a little. Although sometimes we had to take them so it's not like they had no idea.

Maybe we haven't handled it well!

I disagree with this, no point in dragging them around lots of places. They have no say in where they will live, so just upsetting and disrupting for them to see loads of houses, imagine living there, then find they won't be.

I agree, you make the decision then let them know when the decision is made

I think you handled it absolutely fine

CornedBeef451 · 01/08/2023 09:36

@CinnamonBunAndCoffee my DS thought the same thing! He thought we had to leave the cats and all his belongings like when we go on holiday!

I'd have a chat with them and find out what's worrying them as it could be something really small and weird. Otherwise just big up the new house and let them choose colours for their bedrooms and that kind of thing.

Heyhoherewegoagain · 01/08/2023 09:41

My ds hasn’t forgiven us for moving a whole mile 2 years ago when he was 19 after we’d lived in the old house his whole life! This house is a different style from the previous, and dh and I are much happier here, ds has the master bedroom, but he hates change….we were speaking the other night about this potentially not being forever, we may downsize in the future, but agreed we won’t move again while ds is still living here

Chiswickgal · 01/08/2023 15:41

As another poster has said, their reaction is testament to the very happy home you’ve created so far and for them the house is like an old friend full of happy memories. It also shows that they are sensitive and imaginative, so no bad thing really. My advice is to get their rooms in the new house sorted and unpacked etc in priority to your own bedroom/living room/kitchen so that they feel settled with all their “stuff”
Within a few days, they will be fine! Good luck with the move!!

user1471538283 · 01/08/2023 16:06

I moved alot as a child and it didn't bother me. But I'm a military brat and everyone was moving.

My DS found moving very hard. He loved where we lived, he didn't change schools but he liked the community around him. He soon settled though. And now that move is his favourite.

FlipFlops4Me · 01/08/2023 16:27

My DF was in the forces and we moved a lot. We were just told which country we were moving to and when, and DM would help us pack our stuff. They set our bedrooms up first when we moved in and made them look as much like the previous room as possible so it seemed vaguely familiar. We got very used to it. I don't think it's done my DS and I any harm although I understand it's not for everyone.

Yonderway · 01/08/2023 16:29

Yes it is very common. Your house is all they have known and where they feel safe.
Get them involved in decorating /buying things for their new bedrooms.
And when you leave your old house take them into each room so they can say goodbye. Talk about the good memories they have and how you will make new memories.
Talk about the homes you have lived in and how you felt when you moved. And how soon you felt at home in your new home.
There are some nice children's books about different homes and also about moving house. It could be helpful to look at those together.

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