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Original poster

Are children always sad to move house?

42 replies

Esgaroth · 31/07/2023 23:45

Mine are 8 and 6. We told them today that we had an offer accepted on a house and they both burst into tears.

It is not far away from where we currently live so they don't have to change school.

I didn't really expect them to be particularly happy or excited as of course it's a big change but they both seem devastated 😕

How can we make this transition easier for them and is it just to be expected that kids hate moving house?

OP posts:
Original poster
Esgaroth · 01/08/2023 21:41

I asked them if they wanted new beds and it was a firm no, because they have apparently spent years putting all the cool stickers on them!

My daughter was a little more positive when I told her she'd be closer to one particular friend and she's said she'd like blue and purple for her bedroom. So I think she's coming round, though I expect there will be more ups and downs.

My son is still tearful about 'leaving his best friend' even though I have explained that they can still go to each other's houses and they'll see each other every day at school anyway.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 01/08/2023 21:45

It's good they view their current home so positively and you can reassure them that they'll get to make the new house a home too.

As a child I hated moving but we regularly moved areas. It wasn't the change of house that upset me, but the regular uprooting.

Janieforever · 01/08/2023 21:49

They have no say in where they will live, so just upsetting and disrupting for them to see loads of houses, imagine living there, then find they won't be

see I always gave mine a say, took her house hunting, asked her opinion, made her part of the process, the discussions. Sure she didn’t get the financial side, but yes, we always always made sure her voice was heard. Never had an issue with her being upset.

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TeenMum87 · 01/08/2023 21:56

We moved when kids aged 5 and 7 1/2. 7 1/2 year old would ask when he could “go home”. It was heartbreaking and it went on for a couple of years, especially when tired. They visited the house several times before we moved in and I got them little teddies and cards, the teddies asking if the kids would look after them in the new house. It gave them something to focus on initially. Also a best friends gave each of them a cushion, a unicorn and spiderman, why they cuddled every night.

Original poster
Esgaroth · 01/08/2023 22:00

Ultimately it was always a decision we were going to make as a couple, though. We could have pretended to want their input, but unless they coincidentally agreed with us, what about when we then ignored them? We'd just have been pretending, wouldn't we? They can't see the big picture, they're just little.

And we've been house hunting for at least 1.5 years, including multiple nailbiting unsuccessful offers. It's been an absolute emotional rollercoaster and seemed to us like a very adult problem. I have felt sick with the stress of it at times and liked to see them blissfully ignorant.

OP posts:
stargirl1701 · 01/08/2023 22:29

No, not always. I moved a lot as a child to various countries which I believe is called a Third Culture Kid. My own DC would be very upset as they are emotionally and socially rooted in the house they have always known.

tattychicken · 01/08/2023 22:34

CinnamonBunAndCoffee · 31/07/2023 23:50

My children got upset when I told them we were going to move house. When we talked to them about it, it turned out they thought when you move house you have to leave all of your stuff in your old house! Once they realised they would be taking all of their possessions with them, they were fine. I’d not even considered they would think we had to leave the whole lot behind.

This. My Daugherty was devastated at leaving all her things behind. Much perkier when we explained they would all come with her, and spent a long time "extra specially" packing her belongings.

QueenCamilla · 01/08/2023 22:37

We moved house when I was 6yo. I was so very excited!

OP, are you happy to move? Is there something they're picking up on?

Original poster
Esgaroth · 01/08/2023 22:51

I'm mostly happy/excited with a tinge of sadness to leave a place where I know all our lovely neighbours, but I'm completely sure it's the right move for our family and I know we will thrive there.
I'm pretty stressed about packing, getting rid of excess belongings, deep cleaning, unpacking etc, so I would say I'm not looking forward to the process but I'm very much looking forward to the end of it all.

OP posts:
Doone21 · 02/08/2023 08:43

Earlier you move them the better I think, same with schools. Kids get less tolerant of change I think

ifonly4 · 02/08/2023 08:57

It's their family home. I knew the move was right, but I cried the night before leaving our old house. Might help if you say theirs will be the first rooms you'll decorate and ask them to start looking at accessories they might like for the room, or something new to play with in garden.

shockedballoon · 02/08/2023 13:00

Our DS was 7 when we moved and he was devastated when we had an offer accepted- had to sleep in our bed with me for a week level of upset.
Things that helped - him writing a wee note for "the next people who will love our house", picking out a bunch of Pokemon decals to go on the wall in his new room, and going round bed superstores & ikea (with meatball lunch) to pick out stuff for his new room.
On moving day he went round every room and kissed the walls goodbye, he's now 13 and absolutely mortified he did that bless him :D

Lastnightschips · 03/08/2023 22:39

I’m just about to move my three out of the home they’ve lived in for 17, 16 and 12 years respectively. DC1 lived in our first house but doesn’t remember it. I have to say I’m really struggling with the concept of losing the family home, worried they won’t feel like the next place is ‘theirs’ etc. We’re selling so their dad can buy somewhere and because the mortgage is killing me due to interest rates and it’s unsustainable.

But I moved loads as a kid and I don’t remember being particularly sad about it ever!

Sugarfree23 · 03/08/2023 22:56

Op it's just kids are creatures of habit and like familiarity.

I know a family who moved 3 doors away on the same street to a bigger house and the kids still cried over it and didn't want to move.

Don't stress you've done nothing wrong.

UsingChangeofName · 03/08/2023 23:43

We told them today that we had an offer accepted on a house

We moved when ours were a bit younger than yours. We didn't tell them until it was within their time frame to be 'concrete' and when we told them, we made a big thing about how exciting it was.
Mine also had the lack of understanding that they bring all their (our) stuff with us as we move. Mine was quite disappointed when he found he wasn't going to 'inherit' the toys of the boy that was moving out of our new house. Grin

I'm pretty stressed about packing, getting rid of excess belongings, deep cleaning, unpacking etc, so I would say I'm not looking forward to the process
Potentially they could be picking up on a bit of this too.

However, yes, it is human nature to be a bit wary of the unknown, and not want the comfort and security of what is known.

Lovegood · 04/08/2023 13:57

Esgaroth · 01/08/2023 22:00

Ultimately it was always a decision we were going to make as a couple, though. We could have pretended to want their input, but unless they coincidentally agreed with us, what about when we then ignored them? We'd just have been pretending, wouldn't we? They can't see the big picture, they're just little.

And we've been house hunting for at least 1.5 years, including multiple nailbiting unsuccessful offers. It's been an absolute emotional rollercoaster and seemed to us like a very adult problem. I have felt sick with the stress of it at times and liked to see them blissfully ignorant.

I agree with this. It's been SO stressful for us going through the same as you, and I didn't want to keep getting DCs hopes up/disappointing them etc. We've just had an offer accepted too, DC are 13 and so angry and upset, it's awful for us right now, but we know it's the right thing for us.

SadButStillTrue · 05/08/2023 09:45

Esgaroth · 01/08/2023 09:13

Hmm we deliberately didn't involve them in house hunting as far as possible because we didn't want them to have to think about it until something was definitely happening. It's been a very long time since we started looking, viewed loads, offers on a few and it's been very stressful for us so we wanted them shielded from that a little. Although sometimes we had to take them so it's not like they had no idea.

Maybe we haven't handled it well!

If you feel you haven't handled it well, part of the repair that DC may find helpful is to tell them this: 'DC, in hindsight I can see this is probably harder for you because you weren't involved. I think given what I known now, I'd have involved you more to help you get your head round the move going ahead. It's just that it was so uncertain and dragged on for so long, I wanted to spare you the headache! But I think I'd have given you more information than I did because I think that would have helped, and I'm sorry I didn't do that. It wasn't deliberate but just an oversight.'

These conversations can actually help people come to terms with big changes. Even if it doesn't, you haven't lost anything.

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