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Original poster

ExH driving dd8 (124cm) with no car seat

46 replies

PotaytoesPotahtoes · 31/07/2023 21:03

ExH is spending a few days with his parents a couple of hundred miles from where we live. I drove my kids up to near there to catch up with some friends, he took the train and the plan was the kids would go to him for time with his family , and now has them at his parents. When we met to hand over dd8 and ds13, he arrived in his parents' car with no car seat for DD. She is 8, and 124cm. My understanding is the legal requirement for no car seat except in an emergency, or where one can't fit, is 135cm.
His mother has tried before to drive my kids without car seats, I had to stand firm obviously and they found a car seat from a relative eventually.

He told me he'd get one sorted, but it's day 3 and my son has just texted me saying his little sister is still without a car seat.

Now exH has them, he's insisting it's legal and that I'm wrong. He got really angry with me when I said it was illegal.
Am I?! I'm sure I'm not.

What would you do?

They are coming back to me on Friday, so that's four more days of driving with no car seat.

OP posts:
Original poster
PotaytoesPotahtoes · 31/07/2023 21:04

To add, his parents have several grandchildren, several of whom will be out of car seats and they could easily have stored one for such occasions.

OP posts:
Original poster
PotaytoesPotahtoes · 31/07/2023 21:05

He's also been there for several days, before handover, so plenty of time to get a car seat sorted.

OP posts:
cheeseandketchupsandwich · 31/07/2023 21:07

When a child can travel without a car seat
A child aged 3 or older can travel in a back seat without a child car seat and without a seat belt if the vehicle doesn’t have one.
In most cases, children under 3 must always be in a child car seat.

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cheeseandketchupsandwich · 31/07/2023 21:07

Sorry, that was from gov.uk

cheeseandketchupsandwich · 31/07/2023 21:09

Also this:

Children aged 3 or older can sit in the back using an adult belt.

Blueskysunflower · 31/07/2023 21:10

It’s absolutely not legal - it’s hardly a short, unexpected and necessary journey. She’s well under the height/age limits. Even a backless booster cushion would be better if he won’t get a high back booster, and they’re dirt cheap and take no space at all.

I’d be incandescent.

Blueskysunflower · 31/07/2023 21:12

cheeseandketchupsandwich · 31/07/2023 21:09

Also this:

Children aged 3 or older can sit in the back using an adult belt.

Only in certain circumstances, which don’t appear to apply here. Ordinarily child must be either 12 years old or 135cm to travel only using the adult belt, whichever comes first.

octoegg · 31/07/2023 21:12

www.gov.uk/seat-belts-law

They can be fined up to £500 apparently.

CFornot · 31/07/2023 21:13

cheeseandketchupsandwich · 31/07/2023 21:07

When a child can travel without a car seat
A child aged 3 or older can travel in a back seat without a child car seat and without a seat belt if the vehicle doesn’t have one.
In most cases, children under 3 must always be in a child car seat.

This applies if the car doesn’t have seat belts eg classic cars.

OP. It’s illegal and unsafe.

Blueskysunflower · 31/07/2023 21:14

Did you drive up with the kids OP? Would it not have made sense to handover your seat alongside the child? You shouldn’t have to but…

Original poster
PotaytoesPotahtoes · 31/07/2023 21:15

Blueskysunflower · 31/07/2023 21:10

It’s absolutely not legal - it’s hardly a short, unexpected and necessary journey. She’s well under the height/age limits. Even a backless booster cushion would be better if he won’t get a high back booster, and they’re dirt cheap and take no space at all.

I’d be incandescent.

I am. I'm absolutely livid. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
PotaytoesPotahtoes · 31/07/2023 21:17

Blueskysunflower · 31/07/2023 21:14

Did you drive up with the kids OP? Would it not have made sense to handover your seat alongside the child? You shouldn’t have to but…

Yes. He is getting the train back though, and didn't want to have to lug the big carseat back to me. He said he was getting one to borrow from his brother that day. Basically a lie to get me to go away.

OP posts:
Original poster
PotaytoesPotahtoes · 31/07/2023 21:17

octoegg · 31/07/2023 21:12

www.gov.uk/seat-belts-law

They can be fined up to £500 apparently.

I wish he'd get caught.

OP posts:
Original poster
PotaytoesPotahtoes · 31/07/2023 21:19

CFornot · 31/07/2023 21:13

This applies if the car doesn’t have seat belts eg classic cars.

OP. It’s illegal and unsafe.

Show quote history

This is exactly my understanding. I'm so so angry about it. How dare he risk my children. He has always been slack. They are safer with me. Sadly, they know this too.

OP posts:
booksandbrooks · 31/07/2023 22:34

Trunki boostapack kid's backpack booster seats are great for situations like this. Not much help right now, but might be worth picking one up that you can send up with her another time?

bumbledeedum · 31/07/2023 22:49

Personally I'd report them to the non emergency police line.

Original poster
PotaytoesPotahtoes · 01/08/2023 00:15

booksandbrooks · 31/07/2023 22:34

Trunki boostapack kid's backpack booster seats are great for situations like this. Not much help right now, but might be worth picking one up that you can send up with her another time?

We have one! He didn't take it. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
PotaytoesPotahtoes · 01/08/2023 00:16

bumbledeedum · 31/07/2023 22:49

Personally I'd report them to the non emergency police line.

I am so close to doing this. He'll know it was me, obviously.
Do you think they'll send someone out to the house?

OP posts:
Deathbyfluffy · 01/08/2023 00:20

PotaytoesPotahtoes · 01/08/2023 00:16

I am so close to doing this. He'll know it was me, obviously.
Do you think they'll send someone out to the house?

Show quote history

Send an officer to the house… to see them not sat in the car?
They can only prosecute if a crime has been committed, and the word of your DC won’t be enough

Original poster
PotaytoesPotahtoes · 01/08/2023 00:22

Deathbyfluffy · 01/08/2023 00:20

Send an officer to the house… to see them not sat in the car?
They can only prosecute if a crime has been committed, and the word of your DC won’t be enough

Show quote history

Well this is what I'm asking! How can I ensure the safety of my child, when their own father doesn't care? What do I do?

OP posts:
Morewineplease10 · 01/08/2023 01:00

You could ring 911 and ask?
I doubt they'd do anything but they might.
My ex does stuff like this all the time.
Arseholes.

RotundRuby · 01/08/2023 01:15

Report to the police?! I think you've lost all perspective.

Thatboymum · 01/08/2023 01:42

I think you’re being very melodramatic now op. It’s almost like you were just looking for something to pick at him about

JockTamsonsBairns · 01/08/2023 02:02

Of course the police aren't going to come out because they heard that some kids weren't wearing the appropriate seat restraints earlier.

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