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Original poster

Friend irritating me a bit about money

29 replies

BingoBastards · 30/07/2023 22:04

He's a good friend, I stayed Saturday night so bought food and some other things about £40, and gave him £20 for a bottle of spirits - it came to £14 and he didn't give me the change!

Then before I left he asked if I could loan him £50 which I did, I knew already that it's his brother's birthday this week so sort of makes sense.

But this is the 6th time this year he's asked for a loan and I'm starting to feel a bit like a bank...he does pay back, few weeks late sometimes.

So to say nicely I just have to tell him things are really tight and I need to budget? Like I said he's a nice friend but am unhappy that this is becoming so frequent

OP posts:
freedome · 30/07/2023 22:13

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

SensitiveB · 30/07/2023 22:20

I wouldn’t get too worked up unless you are being impacted by it as he does pay you back. It’s still annoying though and you have every right to kindly say no you unfortunately can’t .

Totaly · 30/07/2023 22:21

Just say ‘I’m short this month too’ then they stop asking. Or find someone else.

Original poster
BingoBastards · 30/07/2023 22:22

I don't want him to look at me and think: cash point!!

I'll wait until Saturday when he says he'll pay me back then gently say no after that; he knows I have a specific saving goal to move so I'll say that next time.

OP posts:
tothelefttotheleft · 30/07/2023 22:49

You should add the change from the spirits to what he owes you.

Original poster
BingoBastards · 30/07/2023 23:10

@tothelefttotheleft I'm happy to pay a bit more when I stay, as a guest. It was just something I clocked!

I'll let that go but make sure he pays me back the £50 next weekend.

It isn't for an emergency.

OP posts:
Testina · 31/07/2023 02:00

So you spent £54 (that turned out to be £60 as he stole £6 - and he did steal it) - for one night visit?! That’s a lot.

I wouldn’t just stop lending money, I’d drop them for taking the piss stealing £6. Unless there is any way he could legitimately think it was £20 for pot including the £14 spirits, I’d find that unforgivable. If he went to the shop specifically to get the £14 bottle clutching your £20, and took your £6 then he’s really not a friend.

Testina · 31/07/2023 02:01

“I don't want him to look at me and think: cash point!!”

Yeah, too late.

VeganFromSveden · 31/07/2023 02:13

Think he may have worked out that you’re a people pleaser…
i don’t know how long you have known this person, but the earlier you make your boundaries known, the better.
Itll get harder to say no, if you’ve previously agreed to lend money.
Cost if living crisis is the perfect excuse to tell him that you need to keep a tight budget.
Have faith in yourself, you can do it.
if he shows he doesn’t like it, then he’s not a friend, nor does he respect you.

Original poster
BingoBastards · 31/07/2023 02:42

We've known each other for nearly 10 years but it's only been this year that he's asked for loans - I spent about £40 on food stuff when I stayed this weekend, which is fair, was a bit surprised he didn't give me back change from the £20, then wasn't very pleased when he asked me to lend him £50 on Sunday.

I'm not rich in the slightest but he knows I've saved up money to move. I'll get it back this weekend then just reiterate I can't do any more loans.

OP posts:
Bogeyes · 31/07/2023 02:52

I had a friend who did this...they were using cocaine.

MustBeGinOclock · 31/07/2023 02:58

I'm not sure I see the problem as long as he's paying what he borrows back. Obviously if he didn't pay it back by agreed date then it has to stop. Yeah the £6 change being kept was cheeky though.

NoisePolice5 · 31/07/2023 03:35

He’s paying you back and in good time. That’s hardly a cash point situation.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 31/07/2023 03:55

Just say "No" if he asks for another loan. Maybe add that you'd ŕrather not borrow from or lend to a friend but don't be all apologetic or feel you need to give an explanation

pineapple7peach · 31/07/2023 03:56

Everyone gets one chance when borrowing money off me, if they take the piss I make sure to never lend them money again

Lucy377 · 31/07/2023 04:18

Well forget about the food cost of £40.
You brought that as a gift and no one is counting that except you, so stop adding to his bill.

Sounds pricey for food for one night's stay at a very good friend's house, unless you bought luxury goods.

Why did he not offer to pay half of the bottle?
Did he not drink any of it?

mangochops · 31/07/2023 05:21

Start saying no to the loans then- pretty simple. Just say, "I cannot lend you any more money"- use the broken record technique if he asks again- I cannot lend you any more money. See what happens then, if he becomes distant you know 100% he sees you as an ATM

Ryvitas · 31/07/2023 05:27

Not a chance. I'd never lend money to a friend unless it was a life or death situation, I don't care what it's for.
Sounds harsh but I've been taken advantage of in the past. I don't buy friends gifts unless it's their birthday or an occasion like a wedding.
I don't pay for friends' drinks.
There are far too many leeches out there.

ZairWazAnOldLady · 31/07/2023 05:30

The change from the bottle is weird but possibly just an oversight. The cost of food isn’t an issue as you gave it to him as your contribution to the weekend.
The issue is he asked to borrow £50 for a week and you didn’t want to lend it to him but did anyway. Next time say no. Then you can just be happy.

WeightInLine · 31/07/2023 05:43

If he asks you something and you say yes, he won’t know it’s a problem. You have to say No.

The change thing is not good, but take it as a warning.

And, yeah, could there be drugs or gambling?

user1471505356 · 31/07/2023 07:35

Do not carry cash so much when visiting.

Original poster
BingoBastards · 31/07/2023 07:50

Lucy377 · 31/07/2023 04:18

Well forget about the food cost of £40.
You brought that as a gift and no one is counting that except you, so stop adding to his bill.

Sounds pricey for food for one night's stay at a very good friend's house, unless you bought luxury goods.

Why did he not offer to pay half of the bottle?
Did he not drink any of it?

We didn't actually drink very much of it so I took the rest back! I bought him a 4 pack of beer anyway.

The £40 on food and house stuff was a gift as he's lower income on me so I'm not totting it as such, just saying that I'm not being really stingy 😁

OP posts:
Lessonsinbiology · 31/07/2023 07:57

Say you have opened a long term savings account with higher interest without easy access so you can't access it without losing interest.

Newestname002 · 31/07/2023 08:53

Lessonsinbiology · 31/07/2023 07:57

Say you have opened a long term savings account with higher interest without easy access so you can't access it without losing interest.

Yes I'd be likely say this, in this circumstance, also. I'd maybe not mention the interest loss as it's not really his business- and he may well be someone who'll think less of you that you'll take loss of interest into consideration and not help a friend in need of cash... Perhaps your friend could consider taking on some extra work to help himself financially rather than borrowing from friends - many are having to take on more commitments during the CofL crisis. 🌹

atthecopa · 31/07/2023 08:58

I'm surprised he took the £40 for food and the £20 for wine.

If a friend stopped at mine I wouldn't expect them to buy the food and drink as they are a guest.

He could have (at least) given you half of that money!

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