Being the ‘poor part’ of the family

[Swartzie]

Is anyone else the poor relations?

When I was growing up, my parents were the poor relations. All my wider family were richer and better educated.
My parents were both privately educated at boarding school, became left wing, and became state school teachers. I was sent to a state school.

When they went on skiing trips and over to Florence for a weekend, we waited all year for a beach holiday to spain. When they large detached houses with live in cleaners, we lived in a 3 bedroom terrace house. I never felt adequate.

What does that mean we are not most people
Are you just wanting to wind people up 🤔

Ops parents did put op first.

They worked full time as teachers.and op had a yearly holiday.

I think op is comparing their own life to a super wealthy life.

Cant see how you can say they didnt out oo first.

Just wow. Can you actually hear yourself OP? Perhaps while you were getting through your poor, hard-done-by life, you could have spent a few minutes learning some self-awareness.

Growing up I never really felt that different to my family or friends. By high school, when my social circle widened, I realised that my family were relatively poor.

I decided that I wanted better so made choices in education, career, men, spending that would make that outcome more likely.

I am financially better off than my siblings and wider family. I have a variety of friends and guess I am somewhere in the middle when it comes to wealth but that is only a guess as we don’t really discuss finances.

You aren't poor OP. I raise my son in a 2 bedroom housing association flat on my own. You had 2 parents in professional jobs and a 3 bedroom house and holidays abroad.

Clearly. How dare you be lumped in with the rest of the plebs. Surely everyone must see how far above most people you are and your life style should have been two.

i fee for you. Must have been awful.

Agreed.

You being far more avaricious than them doesn't mean the life they chose was wrong.

What do you mean you are not most people?

You actually are most people aren’t you? Everyone has varying levels of income. You are in with everyone else?

How did you grow up with such a sense of entitlement? What makes you think your family is so different to ‘most people’?

You OP, is a bit confusing. Do you still consider yourself the 'poor relation' and 'inadequate' even though you went to Cambridge?

We are the rich relations and the better educated relations but I'd be deeply offended if anyone suggested I look down on my less well off and less educated sibling. I'm not a jerk!

If it's monetary things that make you happy then dive in but it won't last. Poor or rich I couldn't care less my family is my world and yes we save for holidays each year but guess what the excitement we all get I love it

I came from a very poor upbringing. However I was never especially aware of this, it's only in the fullness of time I have realised how little we had.

I've never been especially money oriented though. Compared with my siblings I am the only one in social housing (yes am fortunate ) they all own and have paid off mortgages etc.

I worked as a nurse, married someone who developed a disability and am the parent of an autistic adult son. I work full time still but will retire in the next year or so. Joined the NHS way back when the pension was better.

Aged 57 now and definitely notice the difference as family take some things for granted which would be luxury for us. They then don't always understand why we can't join them.

But life is okay.

I don't think of myself as the 'poor' relations but I certainly made life choices that led to a different life than my family. My parents are very comfortable, have worked all their lives and achieved a lot for themselves. They've had several foreign holidays a year since I was mid secondary education and have been mortgage free for as long as I can remember. They definitely don't check the bank account before going shopping 🤣

Extended family are equally comfortable with cousins in professional careers with 2 who play sports at a professional level. My youngest loves he can be my cousin on fifa.

I left school after college and had our eldest at 18yrs. Worked in what would be classed as low paid jobs for years and we had 2 more children before I went back to education as an adult. I now have a MA and work in a professional job with a good wage. We live on a council estate and holidays are yearly at a caravan park. Ultimately though we're very happy and whilst we don't have luxury trappings we owe no one and have everything we need. The greatest thing my parents ever taught me was a work ethic as Ultimately it is the desire to do the best you can and achieve that helps us to get where we want to be and you don't need class or wealth to have it!

OP, I, finding it very hard to understand what the issue you want to chat about is.

Is it that you and your parents were seen as inferior to the wider, wealthier side of the family?

Is it that you had those well off connections which (by association) set you apart from your peers at school?

Is it that you had to work harder and without the benefit of public schooling to achieve a place at Cambridge?

Is this still bothering you and affecting you now? Are you embarrassed at your upbringing compared to your cousins?

I'm the poor relation now if we're talking about material wealth. But I'm happy, enjoy my job, am fortunate that at the moment my health is good and have enough money to pay my bills and buy what I want, within reason. I'm in my 50s and have made peace with what I have. I may not be as posh or rich as some of my friends and family but it's a good life.

Op you need to catch a grip.. you are coming across as entitled and snobby.. even your language is crass! (Polytechnics indeed..!).

As a state school teacher i applaud your parents for teaching in and sending you to state schools!

Private schools should be scrapped imo! Eduction is a RIGHT not a privilege regardless of class or income!

"A bit hypocritical, like most of the elite Left.” So why not call out the OP to use her Cambridge education and pull herself up by her bootstraps to become fabulously rich and self made as per the elite Right? If she feels "inadequate" surely that's her own responsibility, not society's? Elite Right somewhat hypocritical by not recognising social mobility works two ways.

We were considered the poor relations because we lived in a less desirable area of the county and didn't have the enormous houses and money and cars.

It was all about money with them. The irony was that this branch of the family had 'made good' and grew up in a council house with their parents. We were more middle class, and just as well educated, if not more, but we lacked the money (I went to private school at different stages).

I was used to them constantly talking about what they'd seen in the newspapers about our area, but the final straw for me was when I was 14 and at one of their houses one of these relations, thinking to be chummy I should imagine, the tone was confiding, asked if we smoked. I was 13 or 14 then and my sister 11.

It didn't make me feel inferior, it made me cross. I wonder if it was based on insecurity because of their background. Their behaviour was vulgar, impolite and intended to make you feel uncomfortable. I vowed I would never treat people like that or behave like that if I ever became wealthy myself.

I dropped contact with them eventually. One still persists; every couple of years he sends a long boasting missive about the accomplishments of his family, a bit like a long round robin. I don't ever reply or even acknowledge but they send them still.

Longer than intended!

I'm afraid you lost my sympathy here. The misplaced, snobbish tone.

The OP must be on a wind up.

Wind up thread for sure.

Me too!

Agree

Your family doesn't sound very nice if you felt they looked down on you as being 'poorer.' My family has a range of incomes but that doesn't affect our relationships. My brother and his wife, for example, earn a lot more than my husband and I do, and therefore live in a very different area and house, but I am honestly happier in my house and area than I would be in theirs, and I can see how fortunate I am compared to them in other ways. If your family are all snobby due to having more money then I would be pleased that my upbringing ensured I didn't turn out like them.

🙄

This.