How do you politely decline invitations to things you don't want to attend?

[Cycleforth]

I used to be such a people-pleaser but am getting better! I still have difficulty saying no to certain things and feel I have to give a reason- eg I got invited to the 50th party of an acquaintance recently, I wouldn't describe her as a friend and I really don't want to go. Should I give a reason or just say I can't make it?

I just say sorry I can't make it immediately and don't think about it again

Thank you for the invitation but I can’t come

Oh thanks so much, but sadly I can’t make it. Have a great time!

Never give a reason unless the person is a very close friend and would understand.

I think it's polite to offer a reason, even if it's brief and not entirely true. It's not nice feeling people just don't want to go.

"Thank you for the invite, we hope you have an amazing time. Unfortunately we're busy so won't be able to attend."

“Sorry I would but I just don't want to” 😁

Just say you can't make it. Tbh someone who doesn't know you that well really isn't interested in the why.

"Thank you for your kind invitation. I am unable to attend, but I hope you will have a very enjoyable evening".
Never apologise.
Never explain.

'Thanks for the invite, but I can't make it'. If you want to stop future invites go with something like 'hard pass, that sounds like my nightmare'.

If you've been cornered into something or it's a last minute invite there's good old diarrhoea to stop any conversation.

I've got something else on that day/evening. If someone asks me face to face I just say I have to check the diary and I'll get back to them.

This is perfect.

Also say no promptly do get in to “oh I’ll just check my diary and let you know” type scenarios. People are more willing to appreciate a direct No than someone fannying about not giving an answer.

I usually just say I have another event/commitment that day. They need not know it's Netflix.

Say you've got something else on

Yeah. Its like ripping a plaster off. The longer you leave it, the worse it gets.

I just say im away that weekend unfortunately.

Well done on confronting the people pleasing OP - it gets easier with practice! Something that helps me is remembering that people would rather have a polite 'no' upfront than loads of dithering or not replying or a yes but then backing out on the day. I always say I will check the diary and get back to them, and then text something like 'i wont be able to make it, but thanks for inviting me, and have a great time!'.

Someone else I know goes with 'I'd love to but I cant'. No further explanation

It depends - if it’s a social thing that’s not specifically for one person (eg a school event like a cocktail evening) then I happily say “I don’t really enjoy that kind of event so I won’t be going”. If it’s something like in your example, I too would just say I had something else on.
I used to make up excuses for things but now I happily say that I don’t want to go and it’s funny how many people say “oh I don’t want to either!”

I either straight say ‘sorry I can’t make it’ or make something up about other plans.

ignore the invite

Do what I do and say "Sorry, we have other plans" only for them to mention it to your DH the following week and him go "oh yes, we can come no problem" 😈

Oh sorry I can't make it have a lovely evening. You don't need to give a lengthy explanation that's when you start tripping yourself up
then end up saying I'll nip in for an hour after your "thing" then feel guilty so you're there before everyone else.

I mean not that I've done the above 😃

Just make sure that if your partner attends, he does not explain you absence with “she said she would rather poke needles in her eyes than attend your BBQ.”

even if it is true

HA! 😂

"No, but thanks!"

I just say thank you so much for asking me but no thanks. I hope you have a great time.
I think that saying no thanks I have other plans counts as giving an excuse and can just lead to you being asked why.