Do you have friends outside of your social class?

[tolatola]

I hadn’t realised what a bubble I live in. I’m privately educated, come from a very upper middle class family, went to Cambridge, and now work in an ‘elite’ profession. I live in an expensive area of London. Naturally, my friends or social time is spent through people met through work, university, or family members.

I went on holiday recently to a seaside town. We rented a house on the seafront. We went to a local pub and got chatting away to a lovely couple. They were from London, but very very working class. We had a lovely evening chatting. But it made me realise that I live in a real bubble. How many people have friendships that span class boundaries?

Yeah same.

Private, boarding, and state background. Ordinary middle class.

Of course friends outside of my social class, but then reverse snobbery exists and some people can't get past the accent. Though I remember from school the vicar's daughter being deemed 'not posh enough' so it's not quite black-and-white upper versus working class.

@toltolatola I'm kind of in the opposite position to you.

I'm probably middle class, but a single parent working part time. 2 of my closest friends are millionaires, one with a 6 bedroom country house and the other with a husband owning multiple companies and a Lamborghini.

It's never affected our friendship in any way, they never treat me any differently. Thank god as I'd be horrified if they ever thought they needed to pay for me when we go out or whatever 🤦‍♀️🤣

I don't even know what "social class" I'm in

I seriously never thought about it. The thing is, it's just so easyily done, 'staying in your own lane', that is. School friends were the same demographic, university friends were the same demographic and so it is at work. I've never felt stultified or that my world is somehow contrained or less rich for it, but perhaps it is.

Yes, I'm very poor but work my fingers to the bone on 2 jobs as a single parent so dc can ride horses which transports you on to a very different world in general. I also was very lucky to find a just affordable v small flat in a very mc area for dc school.

I come from the other side of town, from a northern working class estate in an 80s abandoned town. My mother was barely literate, but I got sent to private school for the crime of being found intelligent and cooperative with schools, under the old assisted places scheme. You might guess from that word ‘crime’ how I ended up feeling about it. It is extremely hard to cross that boundary of expectations and social reassures: I would say impossible as a youngster. I can deal with individuals as individuals but the constant ignorance of privilege, mostly finances, and how the other half have to live, usually gets on my nerves. Even now, or recently at least, I can be talking to someone I’ve known for years when suddenly the cultural gulf opens right up in front of me. No we do not all have the ‘it’s only this much’ or ‘it’s just that’ that you think is so essential to me not being a social pariah or an outright evil person, and please god don’t send any more landlords whining about having to pay for repairs or laughing delightedly about the amount they’ve just ripped some poor sod off by, my way. So I cross class structures all the time, but friends? Not really - you can’t build up much common ground or trust.

I grew up Northern working class, went to the local comp (which made headlines across the county for fighting with a rival comp and 'terrorising local residents'), worked hard and was the first generation in my family to go to uni. Now I earn 6 figures in the City so mix in a very different world to the one I grew up in. I live in a very poor part of East London where I am most definitely an ethnic minority and have lived here for many years now. More middle class friends are horrified and tend not to visit (I get invited to them instead) but maybe that says something about their prejudice.

I studied overseas and have lived and worked overseas in a variety of countries and companies. I do voluntary work (currently for a wildlife charity but previously I was a Samaritan in the Soho branch) and have done since being a child. I also competed in a sport that is considered quite middle/upper class but my club was actually famous for being a "working class" club that included a few Olympians as well as a quite a few "dodgy geezers" with some very dubious connections.

This all means I have a very wide circle of friends and connections from all backgrounds and countries. From people living in abject poverty to a friend who can't understand why his mother prefers to live in their 3 bedroom apartment in Monaco when she could be in their house in Gstaad instead. 🙄Race/colour, gender, class, I get on with most people. I don't care about your background or what you have (or haven't). What matters to me is the person you are inside and how you treat people.

Someone I know is a classic ‘lefty liberal’. He reads the Guardian, gets irate about the Tories and thinks he’s really championing the rights of those less fortunate. He doesn’t have a single friend who isn’t from the same background ( Cambridge educated parents, bought a flat by his Mummy, never really worked until his thirties). He was home educated
and has never known a WC person on a personal level. His wife has the same outlook but was desperate to get her children away from their state school because it was close to a council estate. They are very happy in a very expensive middle class area now. I just find their attitude so incredibly hypocritical.

Just thinking of the Bohemian friends of this couple who live in another expensive MC area who were horrified to hear that a relative is living in Birmingham! You would think Birmingham was the equivalent of the Gorbals in Victorian times according to them.

I know loads of people with a wide variety of backgrounds, mainly due to mutual interest in a particular hobby. It has never occurred to me to think about what class anyone is. Occasionally I might come across someone with a vair posh accent, but I don't hold it against them!

I do have one working class friend that I have kept in touch with from primary school and also some cousins (I am middle class professional). My primary school friend is lovely my relationship with her is her is more like a cousin... she gets very anxious at my big events or celebrations where I mix friendship groups, she's said before she thinks people will look down on her because she didn't go to uni etc and gets very shy to the point she comes across as rude in these situations. I'm fine with her friends who are a mixed bunch.

You sound utterly insufferable

I went to Cambridge and most of the students were from lower class backgrounds, with wealthy working class parents who'd sent them to private schools.

If someone goes to private school and then Cambridge then they are not lower class by any normal standards. They may not be the poshest of the posh, but definitely middle class.

I guess I don't tend to think of class "sticking" in the way some other posters do. My friends are all highly educated and in skilled jobs and now live a middle class lifestyle. The fact that our families had more or less money/education/culture/connections doesn't change the fact that we're all similarly middle class now.

Yes I do.
I found my upbringing in a middle class bubble ( village ) stifling and went immediately to uni in two northern towns where I met a lot of different people, then went travelling, then worked as a social worker for years.
Live in a city and have friends from all backgrounds. Married a working class very intelligent man. We are now divorced but have a mutually respectful friendship.
When I go and see my sister who lives in a bubble (umc or even upper, she married up 😂) I find the conversations and even listening to the accent exhausting!

Me and DH both grew up very working class and pretty poor with single mothers. I am the only person in my immediate family to have gone to university etc. I have a very broad accent that is somewhat polished but very obvious.

We now live in a very middle class area and have a fairly large home and am comfortable financially. Met a few women recently on a hen do and I was staggered that more than one thought I was 'posh'. Apparently the way I dress and hold myself. I was floored!

My DH has a pretty high profile job though and because of this he mixes with some very very wealthy people so our circle literally includes those in social housing, right to multi millionaires. I like to think we can fit in with everyone.

I came from a family who thought they were better than anyone else, does that count?

In actual fact they weren't they just had a business or two.

I wasn’t born in the UK so I have never been enmeshed in the British class system, and as such have no clue where any of my friends ‘belong’ in this system, nor do I care.

It’s bizarre that in 2023 so many have nothing better to do than classify themselves, their friends, colleagues and family. Class systems should belong to history.

Yes very much so. But I'm a member of a church with a huge range of backgrounds and I have good friends there across the spectrum.

When will this ridiculous class system die? Most people are transient and mix with people from all walks of life just fine. I think the "lived on a council estate" thing is dated. I went to university, had a professional job but bought an ex council house because it was huge, cheap and meant I could work pt when the dc came along. It never crossed my mind I would be a fish out of water or mixing with different people because believe it or not, working class people like museums galleries, and books too. 😱

I've a few that I'd consider "working class" and some that are "upper class". Doesn't really bother me, you just alter the plans to what they prefer.

I'm very much working class, possibly even underclass if that's a thing. Middle class people don't want to be friends with people like me, but are happy to talk nonsense about our situations and interfere. The biggest problem that is happening in my social group is housing, and uncontrolled immigration has a massive effect upon that.

Another thing I've noticed is that we are much more racially mixed than middle class people. Yet still get accused of racism. But the lack of wanting to make friends, now the middle class people have moved to my area is very much from them. They stay within their social groups.

I come from an extremely privileged background and my children are actually very embarrassed . They went to great grammar schools but actually felt humbled by their friends at Uni ,Nottingham ,Leeds and Lancaster . Myself and my children have friends from many backgrounds..It’s healthy to have a mixture of friends..we all have something to offer at the table.

You sound utterly insufferable

It made me laugh. Talking to someone and all the while gauging their social class then starting a thread about it. I wouldn't have thought twice about it I hope.

Very lower-middle behaviour, OP (tongue-in-cheek ). Sorry!