What does your pre-teen do while you WFH in the holidays?

[longestlurkerever]

This is the first year I haven't booked any clubs for dd1 (12). She's not home alone as one or other of us is WFH each day but we don't have much bandwidth while working to interact with her other than occasionally answering yes/no to snack requests and a short lunch break. Am worried she's just moping around the house doing very little which is ok for a few days but the summer is quite long and I actually think she could get pretty depressed just loafing about, although we do have a holiday booked in the middle though that's just with family too and pretty remote. I've tried to prompt her to make plans with friends but she's very reluctant/socially anxious and claims they're all away. They're probably not all away but they're newish friends and I don't think she feels confident to initiate things. Should I chill out or try and direct her activities more?

Do you have any family or close friends nearby she could have the odd day with? My 12 yr old will be spending a day every other week with his aunt and cousin and is also “going away” to granny’s house for a
week next month (she’s over 2 hrs away). If not family then could you talk to her friend’s parents
to set things up?
we are still using a couple of club days - his cricket club is running a 3 day camp one
week and the tennis club has a course another week.
plus we take as many odd days and time off in lieu as we can to do days out with the kids a few times over the holiday.

Ps otherwise there is a lot of screen time,
he has some chores todo each day, some homework to do once a week!

We sat some not-normal chores. Cleaning the car, sorting bookshelves, making trips to the shops by bus or walk if we needed something outside the normal grocery ones.

Library challenge, her school actually set it as well.

Research holiday day outs

But yes, it was a lot of screen time. It got better when she was a bit older and more happy to meet friends.

Yes, I'm perhaps making things sound worse than they are. Her DGM is coming tomorrow for a couple of days, and it's her birthday next week (she is in fact not quite 12 yet) so we'll do an outing for that and her younger cousins are joining us for that on their way back from holiday.

I have at least one day off each week in fact, in addition to 2 weeks on holiday so can definitely do day trips though she's at the age where our old favourites don't appeal so much. I am more thinking she could do with company her own age but she seems very reluctant to seek it out.

I could organise things with her old primary friends' parents and have offered to do so but I don't know her new friends' parents really . In any event she's telling me that's all wrong and I don't understand how things work. Maybe I should just book her into some clubs despite her protests but that could backfire.

Mines doing a climbing club this week but for an hour and a half a day so he still has plenty of time to vegetate /see fri nfd

Then a week's full holiday club (watersports), a week with grandparents, 2 weeks holiday (away) and another week of mooching about with friends with climbing club at lunchtimes

My DC1 is also 12yo and is at guides camp this week. She is only going because her primary friends are. There are still clubs around for up to 14yo. Is she interested? I know what you mean about them not waiting friends around. It will be much easier if they are happy with it. When do you finish work? Can you start earlier so you can take her out at something at 6 or 7?

I am thinking things like ninja warrior, trampoline park, ice skating etc. They have evening sessions. There are also shows in the evening. Have a think if you can take her out after work if there are too many days without anything on during the day?

DS is about to turn 12 and we've just given him his first smartphone so we're trying to encourage him to make arrangements with friends 2-3 days a week. He saw one friend at the weekend, other friend and DS seemed to get a bit shy of making an arrangement themselves so asked me to call friend's mum and they are seeing each other tomorrow at friend's house. Otherwise kind of allowing screen time, he also just got Pokemon Go so went out to the local park with that today and I will encourage him to do that on other days. Between residential summer camp and holidays there's only 3 unstructured weeks, so I'm hoping he'll get used to sorting himself out a bit before next year!

No, she's very reluctant but I might have to insist a bit. She might do something art related if I can find something that looks a bit more like proper classes and less like holiday club. Her watersports club is still running sessions several times a week. Without her bestie she'll be pretty reluctant but I could just tell her. I don't want to make her more miserable by forcing into situations that make her anxious, but I don't want her to just give up and wallow. It's hard to get the balance right. She's been seeing CAMHS due to anxiety and potential depression as a side issue to her ADHD so it's a complicated picture. Was just hoping to get inspiration/context from what others were doing.

Mostly on screens tbh. But I'm working, don't have any childcare and therefore have no choice.

I take them out one day a week. They are online with friends and sometimes friends come over.

It is what is it.

Evening outings not a bad shout. One of us can finish early most days actually so wouldn't even be that late. Think I'm just lacking inspiration in general now a trip to the playground and the free museums don't fulfill her every need! The other things are £££ but we can stretch to some. In fact that's what I hoped she'd be up to with friends. We have ice skating, bowling and cinema within the range she's allowed to go by herself.

Lots of online too here but we also have friends over and I take them out once a day for a walk to the park or to town for a coffee and cake or a quick bike ride. Unless it’s raining we go out every day. Could you squeeze in a hour after work? Also at 12 she can stay up later so maybe the odd dinner out/trip to the cinema?
I remember being 12 and the long summers. I read and watched a lot of TV. It’s a funny age. She will be out with friends soon enough no doubt

Yes she's gone out with DH now in fact but to Sainsbury's! Not exactly thrilling but she'll probably talk him into popping into tk maxx

I don’t have a 12 year old but can see this coming up (dd age 10 is getting too old for most clubs)

Some ideas - what about some of the online exercise programs like Yoga with Adrienne that lasts 30 days? Or there is a free Delia Smith online cookery course. Would you be happy with her going out alone and taking photographs locally, if she has any interest in that direction? these are still screen time but “productive” iyswim.

I would definitely encourage the watersports, even without her bestie.

DD11 spends a lot of time playing out with her friends. When she's at home she'll watch TV, practice gymnastics and dance, draw and workout

I went through this last year with my son when he just turned 13 and now with my younger son who has just turned 12. Given the chance, they would sit around and do nothing but I give them until 11 on their computers, now they wake up a bit later and kick them out of the door. Once they're out, they find other kids and it's hard to get them back in again! They do have each other with can be good or bad, depending on the day. I try to start work early, before they get up and work for a while and then take a break to get them moving and organised and just have a longer lunch break to get them off screens and do something with them then to break up the day. It really is an awkward age.

*which can be

If you get stuck you could see if she would try online classes on somewhere like Outschool?

I haven't used it since the pandemic but they still seem to run stuff, and mine loved it then and did all sorts of art /science classes with children from all over the world

Mine has done the odd club (been off for 3 weeks so far) and we've been abroad for a week. She goes on bike rides with friends or for an ice cream or the park (2-3 times per week). I'm also flexible with work so have taken her and her cousin to cinema/ swimming. She's also good at occupying herself and likes making clay beads/ crocheting. I gave her jobs to do around the house (clearing and sorting bedroom etc).

You could try to get her volunteering at your local library to help out with the summer reading challenge.

It is a hard age if they're not socially motivated. If I wasn't avaliable get mine out in the day, they would just fry their brains on screens incessantly. I've put a block on 12-4 to push them on to do something real for a chunk of every day. DS1 always loathed things like sports clubs anyway. He hasn't got any friends (ASD, y7) to even suggest doing something with.

The evening suggestion is sensible, and it means places aren't rammed with younger children either.

We have someone off for the duration, as you say it's not about childcare but entertainment. Though on other days he's been off when I'm working it's usually a mixture of tech, knocking on friends' houses, or there are a couple of places about a mile away I'm happy for him to bike to with friends (cinema, leisure centre, skate park).

Mine is off on scout camp for a week and then we're away for a couple of weeks.

Other than that at that age the occasional class/ club to break up the day/ week - so nothing that feels like full on holiday club, but maybe an art/ sewing class or something like that. Just stuff to break up the screens essentially!

Mines a year older. We’ve booked a few golf lessons - many golf and tennis clubs are doing lessons - not “childcare club” for teens, so if you could drop her off / pick up that would help.

have you said she can invite a friend over? At this point it does sometimes need pointing out they are allowed to arrange things themselves. If there’s a friend who she’s close to whose parents you have contact details for, you could contact them and effectively do a play date.

sadly while I’ve been organised for my older one, I’ve been thrown by all my younger child’s friends being on holiday this week.

Due to strikes, there have been a number of days when my socially awkward DD (12) has been at home while I'm out at work and DH is WFH. I know it's different, as it's occasional days rather than long chunks of holiday, but I used to leave a list of things DD could do (pretty pedestrian stuff like 'Read for half an hour' or 'Clear out under your bed') and a list of 'must do' things (emptying the dishwasher, walking the dog etc). DD also likes running, so would take herself out for a run each day.

The evening activities idea is a good one.