How much energy do you have and how do I get some

[spitefulandbadgrammar]

42 next month. Two DC – DD4 about to start school in September, a firecracker livewire high-energy kid. DS seven months – has finally started sleeping, hallelujah! From 15-20 wakes a night to sleeping through (mostly) in his own room, fully night weaned. But I’m still exhausted 😭

I definitely sleep better before DP comes to bed like a herd of elephants. If we had a spare room I’d take it over in a heartbeat but it’s not an option.

Is it age? Recovering from the oh-so-very-bad sleep? (it’s only been a couple of weeks and he’s not a guaranteed sleep-through so there are a few 4am resettles 😴.) DP’s snoring? Two children under 5? The relentlessness of small babies needing meals and breastfeeds and nappies and entertaining all day? Postpartum depletion? Perimenopause?

I’m up c. 6.30am with one or the other DC. DD goes to bed at 8pm. The chores/house reset takes til 8.30-8.45pm then I crash completely at 9.30pm; anything beyond that I’m just a brain-fogged husk. But in my old life I was a novelist on top of my day job and my agent wants a new book from me. I thought once DS slept I’d stay up burning the midnight oil but I can’t! I want to but my decrepit body can’t even doomscroll after a certain time.

Tell me your secrets to energy, mojo, vivacity! Vitamins? Exercise? Woo? Sleeping alone? The end of maternity leave?

I feel your pain. I've only got DD4 (also starting reception this Sept). She mainly sleeps through now-ish, but after years of crap sleep and feeling on duty 24/7 I am also a 44 year old husk.

I'm up at 0630 to work, break to do DD and the school run, then pick her up and 1630, supper for her, housework, supper for us and crash. I'm trying to work 8 hours a day too.

I have been attempting to fit in more exercise - trying (and often failing) to get up even earlier to do couch to 5k. And I try to ensure I have some fresh air outside every day. I do eat pretty well, probably have too many glasses of wine vainly trying to wind down at the end of yet another exhausting day.

But as for my pre-child self, there is very little left.

I went away with work recently - full on networking schedule etc - and found I had much more energy than I ever do at home. I think it was a combination of actually being off duty when I'd finished work and doing something different so that my brain was active and I didn't feel like it was groundhog day.

Feel your pain =but no answers .I don't have any secret. I am 45 and knackered, eating shit. Busy life and losing enthusiasm for most things.
All the threads I seem to be watching are about this atm.

Wind down in bed with no phone or TV at 9.45 latest with aim to be asleep at 10pm.
Wear eye mask or ear plugs.
Swap booze for herbal tea of an evening.
Have a good routine of nice pjs, teeth brushed, skin care done so you wake feeling a bit fresher.
Shower in morning to wake you up, do a walk - dog walk or school run etc if possible.
Drink more water and eat less crap and you'll feel less sluggish.

Are you bf? Getting enough calories? Have you considered asking for a blood test with your GP? You might need B12 injections, this is very common with women in their 40s/50s so I’ve been reading. You can get B12 injections, there’s a Facebook group that tells you how to/where to buy them. I would prefer the GP route, tho.

I take women's vitamins religiously to boost iron.
100% if you can sleep separately do it, I love my new sleeping arrangement having bed to myself.

Similar circumstances here. Small children are relentless, mine have been at my sisters' since Sunday and I have so much more energy (even though I am working full time). I agree with pp who said when you finish work that's it. And the worrying about how to entertain them all the time is exhausting.

48. Single. Up at 5.30...either run 5k or do a strength YouTube vid 6 days a week. Full on day at a very full on active job. Home. Deal with teens, which take a special sort of energy. Sort house. Weekdays, bit of work some evenings or out to a friends/they come to mine. Bed around 11pm.

Weekends I'm often out Friday and/or Saturday evening. Last weekend was Friday evening, Saturday evening and Sunday lunchtime until evening. Great weekend!

For me, the kickers are a daily big dose of evening primrose oil and another of iron. Following years of just scraping through the iron test before giving blood, my 40s health check indicated I'm not good at keeping my iron stores high. I feel really tired without enough iron.

Keeping active...if I don't, I have less energy and feel more tired.

And making sure I put things in the diary. If I don't, then I stay home. I don't like cancelling on people, so if it's in the diary, it's happening.

Now that's an interesting bit of formatting Mumsnet has applied to my above post. Who knew? 🤣

I have no idea but it sounds like you maybe trying to work without childcare? This is the root of madness. Does your youngest still nap? In September start having a nap too.

Also all the normal ‘boring’ shit help, drinking water, losing weight (if your me and need to), exercise, health food and not too many carb.

I'd say it's largely the children. When mine were your age, I felt very much like you, just totally exhausted and done in.

They're 10 & 12 now, I get up and go to the gym for 7am (and I'm not actually one of 'those' people) and generally feel lighter and brighter throughout the day. Once the children become less 'labour intensive' you will feel better, hang in there!

Mine are 7 and 3 and I'm only just finding the energy starting to come back!

Secret? Hang on until your kids are a little older. It gets easier.

I always feel more energetic when I give up sugar and refined carbs.

Caveat - I don't have kids so feel free to ignore
But i do have some medical conditions that cause fatigue
The most energetic and healthy I've ever felt is when I exercised regularly - like I'd get aches and pains/ DOMS from exercise and sometimes my fatigue would flare up for a week or so and I'd have to take a break, but I generally felt loads better and didn't feel low- level shit and lazy all the time. I felt strong and flexible and ready for anything.

I'm 48 and feel pretty energised, but I do have grown children so it's easier to take care of myself.

I do a lot to feel good though - I eat no junk, I exercise every day, I take magnesium, vit K/D3, I have a good sleep routine. All the classics. If I were to pin down one thing that made the biggest difference, it was food. I remember distinctly the moment I weaned myself off junk food about 8 years ago - I had terrible withdrawal from the sugar/crap for about 4 days, then the next day having come home from work (FT), I weirdly found myself completely ready to tackle jobs and do things around the house. Prior to that, coming home from work, I was in zombie mode, barely conscious with no energy at all. After this short withdrawal period (which was hell), that was it, it was like my energy just ramped up 3 gears, and that was enough for me to never let my diet get the better of me again and 8 years later, I still have a lot of energy and very rarely tired....at all!

Heavens, no! I’m on maternity leave from day job but usually I have DD in nursery, and come September, school. Then baby will go to nursery when I go back to work. Writing has always been in addition to day job and very few novelists I know are able to do it full time, we’re all burning the midnight oil on top of day jobs and children.

Already go to bed early, wear an eye mask, don’t drink alcohol and haven’t for years, eat healthily – always hit my 5 a day and often more, only have a morning cup of coffee, have weaned myself off sugar, get fresh air daily (can’t not with small children), walk miles daily (ditto), drink pints of water (we have a SodaStream), DP shares night wakings and early wakes and does a considerable share of housework (eg all the laundry, which is relentless, not just easy jobs like once a week wheelie bin!)

I need to up my structured exercise – I used to do Zumba and swim and yoga, it’s choosing what to give up to make the time for it. Don’t want to go to bed at 10 every night, that’s the point! I made it to 10.30pm last night and got a solid 90 minutes of writing done and felt truly myself for the first time since getting pregnant.

Still breastfeeding five times a day and I suspect that’s part of it. But also as I feared, it’s “life with very small children”. Definitely the friends I know whose children are a little bigger have buckets more energy. Thank you for those who’ve pointed this out! 😂 I mean I was hoping expensive vitamins would solve it rather than “give it five years”, but it’s useful to know. I feel like I’m on a hamster wheel and I’m not even back at work.

Will look into B12. And winning euromillions, that would help enormously I imagine.

I think small children are energy vampires.

Your energy is directly inversely proportional to their own....

@Globules I enjoyed the formatting, I thought I might have missed 47 salient points though

Evening primrose oil! I’m now the age my mum was when she took it so I’ll add it to the rattling vitamin jar. And St John’s Wort I think she took. Minesweep the shelves in Holland & Barrett.

47 salient points 🤣 Are those the 47 years that came in my life before this one?

EPO...cheapest in Savers, not H&B. And take 3000mg a day. I take 3 massive tablets each morning. I don't know how much good it's doing, but I'm not stopping it to find out!

I remembered after posting that I cut out caffeine a long time ago too. If I accidentally have caffeine now, I get a momentous high, which my colleagues can spot a mile off!

@Globules 'special kind of energy' oh man I HEAR you! I a different kind of knackered then I was when they were little. But also, far more reliant on a glass of wine so my head doesn't explode.

'this isn't my mess' YES IT IS, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO PUT WEETABIX IN A SMOOTHIE!!! 🙃

I got my bloods check had low iron stores and was prescribed high dose folic acid. I've been on it for two months now and am starting to feel I have more energy. Have also started taking a multivitamin that includes vit D and iron.

I think for most it’s unrealistic to have two very young children, work full time and have enough enjoy on the side to have enough job. It gets better when they are bigger but make sure your DP is taking on their half on the mental load because that is energy sapping.

Ps st john wart stops hormonal contraception working. Just in case you didn’t know.