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Ridiculous but can you help me with what to do day to day

37 replies

dahliaaa · 22/07/2023 19:16

I've always worked full time apart from maternity leave but I'm going through some kind of breakdown and I've got a lot of time at home and I don't really know what to do.
I know that sounds completely ridiculous but I'm just not used to having that time.
I'm getting medical help but I also need to 'schedule' my days to help with the depression and anxiety. I don't have any motivation at all so need to write a plan for each day.
Life has always been a whirlwind of work / kids activities / running from one thing to the next. (They are grown up now.)
I just wondered what people do ...
I've always been terrible at housework - doing it because it needs doing but never seeing it as something I enjoy.
Needs to be quite basic because I'm struggling at the moment but would be good to see some examples of how people fill their days.

OP posts:
LindorDoubleChoc · 22/07/2023 19:22

It's a cliche but I think you need to prioritise getting out of the house every day. If you have no work and no dependent children making a claim on your time, you are free to go out for hours in the daylight (hopefully sunlight) and just get away from the 4 walls hemming you in.

I have been a sahm, which I didn't particularly enjoy, but at least with little children you are more or less forced to go out every day. I think this is healthy and something you should continue to do as much as you can.

Velvetbee · 22/07/2023 19:26

What makes you feel good? For me it’s gardening, sleep, walking in nature, art galleries, long hot baths, theatre..
Spend some time just nourishing yourself, schedule it in because you deserve and need it.

imapterodactyl · 22/07/2023 19:26

I'm naturally massively disorganised but find that when I get up and get showered and dressed straight away it gives me motivation to do more with the day. If I feel put together I can face more.

For housework I tend to write lists or schedules which help me focus on what needs to be done or when I need to be somewhere, you could tailor that to break your day down maybe?

dahliaaa · 22/07/2023 19:26

I think that's a good point about getting outside. I could easily just sit in the house all day not doing a great deal which I know won't help. The rain recently hasn't helped.
When I'm ok I'm normally very active but the depression at the moment means I've got zero motivation. I know it's a vicious circle and this this makes things even worse.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 22/07/2023 19:29

There is a woman online, fly lady she has a website that can help with tasks around the house in baby steps.

all the very best to you x

BibbleandSqwauk · 22/07/2023 19:29

Don't use the rain as a reason not to go. Umbrella or decent coat, decent shoes and go.

Schedule meals and break the days up into slots..read, make food, knit or whatever.

kizziee · 22/07/2023 19:29

Thank you for the ideas.
In terms of what I enjoy - the problem is that at the moment I don't enjoy anything. It's like I've lost my whole personality.
But I read something that suggested to still try and do the things you would enjoy normally because hopefully eventually your usual thoughts will kick in.
The irony is that normally I am very happy with a simple life. I like nothing more than a hot bath after a busy day. Reading a book. Going for a walk etc.

Cuwins · 22/07/2023 19:30

I agree I would schedule some time to get out everyday. Particularly if it involves fresh air and some exercise as both will help your mental health, or seeing friends/family as that will also help.
I think setting a regular alarm to get up and having regular mealtimes would probably also help- (although I have to say I didn't take my own advice when I was off with my mental health!) as it will keep your body in a regular routine.
Maybe have an ongoing project you can work on in the house- a puzzle, art project etc.

kizziee · 22/07/2023 19:30

Sorry I didn't realise that the app had selected a different user name and then opted back. That's still me.

kizziee · 22/07/2023 19:32

Thank you for all these. Just helping me to pull together ideas.

Changingplace · 22/07/2023 19:32

I agree with getting up, showered & clean clothes every day so you feel fresh & ready to face the day ;)

And also I agree with having a reason to leave the house each day, do you enjoy exercise? Art galleries or museums? Do you know someone who’s dog needs walking? You could go to the library & read, just for a change of scenery maybe? Go to a local cafe for a coffee & buy a paper/read a book?

Hope you’re feeling better soon x

AlisonDonut · 22/07/2023 19:34

Get some waterproofs for walking outside.

When I was unemployed I would go to the allotmentfor a couple of hours, then come home and make a coffee. Then scan for jobs and write down which to apply for.

Then apply in the afternoon and then make dinner.

Now I'm retired, I get up and go feed the garden cats. Then make breakfast and do a couple of hours of garden work. In th winter I do wood work, so chopping wood, pressing kindling etc. Or shaping garden beds. Or turn compost.

Then cook a main meal for 2pm.

Then when it isn't too hot, set back outside to do some more outside work. All year round I'm out there until the hour before sundown. I might watch TV with my OH for an hour before a hot bath and then bed.

I literally cannot stay indoors for too long. I need to be out. I'm just off back out again to plant some more beetroot.

We schedule housewwork for rainy days and I do bathroom stuff whilst the bath is running. He does the kitchen when he does the dishwasher.

Best thing to do is to turn the bloody TV off and just do stuff.

Fudgewomble · 22/07/2023 19:35

I read advice once: get up, showered and dressed down to your shoes and socks (or socks and slippers if you’re a shoes off household). Getting dressed very important.

  • up
  • bathe
  • dress (fully)
  • make bed
  • breakfast
  • breakfast dishes / clean kitchen
  • laundry on
  • plan meals for day
  • out to shops to buy fresh items for meals
  • back home : hang out laundry/unpack dishwasher
  • Tidy rest of house
  • lunch prep
  • eat lunch
  • 30 minute walk after lunch
  • read news / read book/ admin (banking , taxes, book appointments)
  • message 3 friends / family
  • watch news
  • prep dinner
  • eat dinner
  • clean kitchen
  • ironing / put away laundry
  • watch tv programme
  • bed
Mommasgotabrandnewbag · 22/07/2023 19:35

Goblin tools

Namechanger1002 · 22/07/2023 19:35

When I had depression and struggled to motivate myself I would set my phone alarm for 10 mins - in that time I would do whatever I could manage whether that was a shower or unload the dishwasher or even a walk. When the alarm went off I stopped whatever I was doing and did nothing again for 10 mins. And carried on like that throughout the day. It sounds stupid and small but it really helped me.

Firecrest17 · 22/07/2023 19:36

I’ve been In similar situations in the past. I think making a schedule the day before is good, and I needed to stick to mine almost no matter what because if I lost belief in the schedule, everything else crumbled.

id have to get up, dressed, showered and fed right away. Even 5 minutes in bed after my alarm could trigger my getting stuck. And then a walk somewhere, anywhere, just to get out of the house. Most recently I just chose a 15 minute loop from my house and did it religiously rain or shine right after breakfast. I’d call my mum or send a voice note so it wasn’t so lonely. I also found achieving something small - even just neatening a drawer or shaving my legs helped me feel in control. Where possible, seeing someone for a cup of tea or even a phone call or chat to a shop assistant was good. Allowing a nap but not until after lunch and then being strict with the times. And another short walk - often to the shop for dinner groceries in the evening.

I found choosing a regular live radio show to listen to was good as well - gave structure.

Cuwins · 22/07/2023 19:37

Changingplace · 22/07/2023 19:32

I agree with getting up, showered & clean clothes every day so you feel fresh & ready to face the day ;)

And also I agree with having a reason to leave the house each day, do you enjoy exercise? Art galleries or museums? Do you know someone who’s dog needs walking? You could go to the library & read, just for a change of scenery maybe? Go to a local cafe for a coffee & buy a paper/read a book?

Hope you’re feeling better soon x

Ohh finding a dog to walk would be a great idea

DontMakeMeShushYou · 22/07/2023 19:39

I agree with getting out every day. Learn to enjoy the rain. Go out and feel it on your skin and your face. Breathe in the air and the smell of the rain. Then go home, get dry, and snuggle up with a hot drink and a treat.

AlisonDonut · 22/07/2023 19:45

Yes never get up in the morning and start doing stuff in your PJs. Always get dressed.

Oioicaptain · 22/07/2023 20:01

You need a balance of achievement, exercise and pleasure in each day to keep the endorphins raised. Motivation doesn't come unless you first do something and then it starts to grow. If you sit procrastinating and expecting to feel motivated, you won't.

It's also important when you schedule your day to actually say when and in what order you are going to do things. A to do list on its own won't be enough.

If some tasks seem overwhelming just commit to 10 minutes of them. You'll find that you end up doing more than your allocated time, usually. Another technique is to switch tasks mid flow. So, if you avoid making a phonecall, for example, you can start doing a smaller easier task that requires less thought, such as putting the washing on, then immediately make that call.

There's lots of good tips on procrastination and motivation online.

When you plan your week, code each activity as an A (achievement), E (exercise) and P (pleasure), then after each activity, write a number out of 10 to rate each task in terms of how good you felt about it after you had done it. This helps build up a picture of what works for you. As a rule, use pleasurable activities as a reward for achieving things or doing exercise. It can be things like watching a TV show for a certain amount of time, reading a book, having a cup of coffee, reading a magazine, meeting a friend. Exercise doesn't have to be too arduous. It could be a walk to the post box, a bit of gardening, housework, swimming, yoga etc. Basically movement/keeping active.

I've been going through the same. I plan each week on a Monday morning. I've also taken up pottery, which I am thoroughly enjoying and it has really helped with my mood. Setting up activities can be really hard to start off with, esp when you have low mood and motivation. For example, everytime I tried to join a pottery class, I'd missed the start of term, or it was full, or I had to call back on a certain day etc, but forgot. For me, finishing off/sticking to tasks have been hard, so you might need to persevere a bit and come back to things another day/follow them up. But make sure that you're not putting them off or avoiding certain tasks.

I would definitely recommend doing something creative, such as a class or course. You definitely don't have to be creative to enjoy the process. It doesn't matter what the end result looks like, although you will notice that with practice, whatever you do,you will improve.

Hope this helps.

kizziee · 22/07/2023 20:07

ThNk you so so much for all these replies. I am scribbling down things.

Oioicaptain · 22/07/2023 20:12

In terms of ideas if things to do - routine is best, so it's best to commit to something, even if meeting someone for a coffee.

Voluntary work ideas - food bank, charity shop, local pet shelter (you can be a volunteer dog walker/cat cuddler which is v. Low commitment), you could volunteer 3 hours a week to work as an Intel volunteer for the police (mostly going through FB profiles/CCTV etc), help out at a play group, community group, community cafe etc or a museum, or community allotment or a walking group. You could be a rewilding volunteer for the forestry commission. They have days where you can plant trees with a group. You could listen to children read at your local primary school. Think small. Something that you could do for a couple of hours a week. You could start out by just asking for any volunteering opportunities on local community forums.

kizziee · 22/07/2023 20:36

I don't think I'm at volunteering stage yet but definitely something would like to do in future. Will have a look to see what might be possible locally.

vicaragechristmas · 22/07/2023 20:56

When I’ve had depression, I found having the radio on helped me (talk radio, not music). It was a sort of background way of acknowledging the passing of time, the regular shows became familiar and when I found one I really liked, it was something to look forward to and to make sure I was listening properly and paying attention.

I’ve been well for years now and am much more likely to listen to podcasts these days, so I have lost that rhythm, but it was a really nice thing when I was unwell. I used to listen to Radio 4, then switched to the World Service, but there are so many options.

Bonfire23 · 22/07/2023 20:57

Can I recommend wild swimming? We have a local group, and it varies from proper swimming to paddling to sitting on the bank with a thermos and cake
I find it really relaxing by the water even if I don't swim, and somehow being in water seems to ground me