How do you adjust to being older?

[Tara24]

I'm 50 in a few months and for the first time I feel old.

I feel a bit out of sorts about it.

In my head I'm still 22, but feel I should somehow be different. More grown up.

I feel like I need to think about my behaviour a bit more. I went to see Blur recently and spent the night dancing like I was 25. It was only when I saw th photos that thought WTF am I doing ?!?

I'm wearing jeans and T-shirt and looked at myself and thought I should be more 'together'.

We still have a significant mortgage. I'm wondering if we should sell up and move to get rid of it.

I don't know what I'm trying to say really. My dad died 3 months ago, so it's odd to think it's just mum, and then I:m the oldest relative in our family.

I'm also almost done with the menopause. Suddenly having huge gaps between periods. It's all just a bit overwhelming.

I want to press pause and have more time.

I want to go back to my youth and do all those things I didn't. The times I missed out because I was too damn shy to say yes.

The only good thing about being old is that I'm no longer afraid to say yes.

The other thing to add is that my eldest goes to uni this year. My youngest is now 16 and has become very independent. It's lovely to see, but I so miss being a mum to young children.

Do you know what- dance to the damn blur concert. Do whatever you feel like. Don’t let age bother you. I have relations in their 70’s who are extremely young at heart. They both went to Glastonbury this year and danced like crazy amongst people of all ages. I also know a couple who are 81 and still out and about enjoying so many ‘younger persons’ things. They would call you young!
Dont waste another moment thinking about your age. Be the best 50 year old version of you that you can be. Never take health for granted. All the while you can dance, dance. Each year you are alive is truly a blessing and one that so many don’t get the privilege of enjoying.

Quite a few of my friends saw Blur at Wembley. I’m 52, as are they! Just go out, enjoy yourself, do the things you love. I don’t have either of my parents now and I know exactly the strange feeling of suddenly not having the older generation to turn to. You get used to it. It’s almost like a next level of adulthood. I learned when mine died what was really worth worrying about so I try not to let trivial worries get to me these days. As long and my loved ones are happy and healthy, I am happy. My son often reminds me that 50 isn’t old and I like to believe him.

Sounds like you're doing fine but have notions of what it means to be 50 and these have made you become doubtful and stiff critical. Set those aside and have your fun!

Well how old are Blur themselves?! Don't worry about your age. We are all getting older.

Damon Albarn is 55 so you're in good company.

Just lost a post. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy feeling 22 with the advantages that more experience brings. Have fun!

Age has never bothered me, I will be 60 next year and still go to festivals etc... few things that I feel sad about, I have arthiritis quite bad , knees and hips , so limp and use a stick and youngsters treat you as really old (which I am to them), I look back on things I should have done differently, and I do miss having small children/babies, you can sort all their problems out for them and you are so needed . But I am blessed I am loved by many as an oldie. So it's not age that bothers me, but the looking back on things that do.

Funnily enough I looked up how old he was. It just such a strange feeling to suddenly realise there is an end to all this life business. That I won't be here forever. If I'm lucky enough to be around it will be marked by ageing.

That's the other thing. I've always managed to look a bit younger than my age. But that's not the case now, I've got two horrid wrinkles on my chest so I can't wear low cut tops ( not that I ever had my baps out mind). My face looks puffy and drained.

Maybe I need a makeover.

I think the fact that you are approaching a major birthday with losing your dad and your kids being independent is a bit of an identity crisis for you. It's the end of an era of parenting and being needed i that way, and the bereavement and all the sadness and awareness of mortality and the fragility of life that comes with that.

I am in my late 30's, but had a similar realisation than you when I went to a family event last year, and was no longer at the 'kids table', and it felt very much like I had moved up one rung of the ladder (and not in a good way)..it was weird. But that's life I guess, we can't slow it down.

And maybe this means you get to reinvent yourself, which could be amazing. Like you said you have far more confidence than before. You get to do what you want, you will have more freedom, maybe talk to your husband about what you want the future to look like.

I can relate to all you've said! I'm 50 next year and feel weird about it. In many ways I still feel like the rather self conscious 15 year old I used to be. I don't feel mature. I don't feel how I think a 50 year old woman should feel. I still blush like a teenager if I talk to an attractive man. This makes me cringe - what must they think seeing a nearly 50 year old woman blushing over them! I'm not very stylish. I live in jeans, t-shirts and trainers. This weekend I'm off to see a 90s indie band I loved in my youth. I always looked young for my age but now I keep catching glimpses of myself and I look older and tired. My daughter's nearly 13 and just shuts herself away, getting very irritated if I try and make conversation. I miss the sweet little girl she was and all the happy times we used to share together. My parents are old and frail which makes me sad. I'm scared of rapidly aging after the menopause.
So there you have it! A stream of consciousness. I know how you feel.

This is a common realisation when we hit this kind of age, parents get sick, or die. Kids start leaving home… friends start getting sick too or divorced. Hormones change…

after a bit of a wobble two years ago, when my mum died and my dad became disabled, my husband had (and has) a burnout and quit his job, my kids struggled with exams, my best friend died of cancer…

I started taking stock of things, but for me it’s mostly positive. I’m 52 but still feel 25 (but with dodgy knees 😁), I still love DH and we’ll keep on having fun, I am pretty decent at my job, I have some very loved and wonderful friends, I get on well with my siblings, and there are lots of things you can do to improve your health. I’ve become mega sporty. On a good day I feel like I’m in my prime 🙂

I find that counting the positives, nurturing friendships, and getting really active and do fun things (dancing to Blur sounds great) really boosts your mood

I find a lot of comfort in a feeling of solidarity with other women my age. This is a normal phase in life, and these feelings are normal. We joke about going for walks to cry or scream in the woods, but some of us have actually done that … and it’s ok, let the feelings out

don’t spend too much time looking back and being regretful, take care of yourself

Mum is that you? Seriously 😂 my mum just recently turned 50 and sounds word for word exactly what she says. She had me young and everyone used to comment how ‘ hip and cool ‘ she was but now my friends still say the exact same thing. She loves going to concerts and dancing like no one’s watching, yes her nieces and nephews think she’s very silly but she’s definitely the favourite. She’s the most fun woman I’ve met and I love her for it. You be you

I think the thing about being young is having your life and all it's possibility ahead of you. By 50 a lot of us are already reminiscing over times gone by. But actually you probably have a good 30 years in you!

Keep making plans, going to gigs, seeing new places, doing new things, and make your future special and memorable for you to look back on in your eighties.

Aww, what a beautiful, thoughtful reply ❤ It made me cry a bit 😢

You only get one life, so live it how you want to ( legally )
If you want to dance at a Blur or any other gig, then dance without a care.
If you want to wear jeans and trainers or a ball gown with wellies, then go for it.
It's YOUR life, no one else's.
I won't see fifty again but I'm damned if I'm going to slip into old lady mode complete with a floral crimpolene dress with oh so sensible shoes and a cauli head perm.
I might wake up with the odd ache and pain from overdoing it the evening before, but it's worth it.
Live your life op and to hell with what anyone else thinks.

I'm a similar age and was also at the Blur concert dancing like a twat. I got so carried away that even bought that burgundy tshirt that gave me a chicken on each tit 😂

I'm sorry to hear about your dad.

Just to add, I kind of loved the fact that the stadium was totally packed with teenagers trapped in middle aged bodies. Including the band!

😂 at chicken tits 🐔🐔

Dear God, I'm 71 and I'd love to be 50 again. At that age you've got experience behind you and I found I had more of a voice and I really didn't give a shit about pleasing people who weren't worth my effort.
I still love northern soul still dance although not quite so energetically and whilst I've had health issues which I guess are age related I'm going to keep on keeping on and keeping the faith. Embrace your 50s, have a change of hairstyle and a makeover if you want. But keep on dancing. You've got a way to go yet.

Feels weird, doesn’t it?

brain still absolutely with it, if a bit frazzled sometimes, purely down to being sick of the bullshit from people/government/life. Coping with stroppy teenagers who you reluctantly have to admit, and own for your younger self, know very little. Vile
periods disappear, but snatch the sex drive as they depart. Skin and hair undergo violent changes seemingly overnight. Ears, eyes and joints act as betrayers, winding down the show too early, and making the show hard to carry on - definitely demanding a lesser schedule, and with more opt-out clauses. Sleep becomes something unpredictable and often inconvenient, only appearing capriciously at an unwanted time, only to vanish when darkness settles.

Turn the music up, keep the wine cold and enjoy being past the teenage angst and uncertainty.

I’d need a camping chair at a rave now. But in between the agony, I’m hands in the air. 56 next month, still hating these numbers, but choosing to ignore!

I'm 50 and I think we've earned the right to not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks. Dance where you like, wear what you like and be who you are. Unapologetically.

You know what … one day you’ll be 90, and will reminisce about 40 years ago when you were “only 50” and danced at the Blur concert. Enjoy it! 😁

@NooNooHead1981

Thank you that's kind of you to say x

Im 51 this year. My oldest is 26 and my youngest is 17. I frequently wander around my local town in galaxy or flowery leggings with a few non boring t shirts, one if which says 'we're all mad here', I also had some rainbow trainers but they fucked up my foot so I had to go back to boring coloured ones.
I'm not young anymore, I have aches and pains that tell me I'm getting older. I refuse to wear boring colours and if anyone doesn't like it, tough shit.
Even my youngest wears boring coloured clothes.