How do you adjust to being older?

[Tara24]

I'm 50 in a few months and for the first time I feel old.

I feel a bit out of sorts about it.

In my head I'm still 22, but feel I should somehow be different. More grown up.

I feel like I need to think about my behaviour a bit more. I went to see Blur recently and spent the night dancing like I was 25. It was only when I saw th photos that thought WTF am I doing ?!?

I'm wearing jeans and T-shirt and looked at myself and thought I should be more 'together'.

We still have a significant mortgage. I'm wondering if we should sell up and move to get rid of it.

I don't know what I'm trying to say really. My dad died 3 months ago, so it's odd to think it's just mum, and then I:m the oldest relative in our family.

I'm also almost done with the menopause. Suddenly having huge gaps between periods. It's all just a bit overwhelming.

I want to press pause and have more time.

I want to go back to my youth and do all those things I didn't. The times I missed out because I was too damn shy to say yes.

The only good thing about being old is that I'm no longer afraid to say yes.

I’m 47, peri and the empty nest is almost upon me (fingers crossed for results day!)

I’m trying to see this as adolescence Mk II - a time of great change when I can decide what I want for the future and how I’m going to make it happen.

I still have a few fucks to give but am hoping I’ll have run out by the time I turn 50!

I am 45 and have started feeling the same. I think it did start when my Dad died. Plan lots more amazing things like Blur concerts to look forward to. That’s what I think is the answer anyway.

I think the fact that you are approaching a major birthday with losing your dad and your kids being independent is a bit of an identity crisis for you. It's the end of an era of parenting and being needed i that way, and the bereavement and all the sadness and awareness of mortality and the fragility of life that comes with that.

I agree with this.
I'm older than you, but very happy to go to the odd gig.
After all, I suspect the vast majority of people going to see Blur are likely to be your age too.

You are at a great stage of life.
A bit more money and a lot more free time, with your dc now being so much more independent.
Plana great holiday or trip, or create yourself a list of half a dozen or 10 things that you never did when you were young through being too nervous or through not having the money, and pledge to do them all during your 50s.
Don't waste your life worrying about what you look like. Get out there and enjoy living your life.

I think at mid fifties I’m peeved time is shortening with more years behind when I still want to do lots of things. We are going to buy a really nice motor home and travel round the UK and Europe in about 2 years. By then hopefully Italy and Spain will have been able to let Brits stay longer than the current rules allow. We also plan to travel extensively across Canada and America and have lots of relatives everywhere in America, Spain and Norway . DH could retire in a couple of months. I have already, but he just wants to finish off one last ruddy project at work.

I a, off to DS GF graduation in a couple of days, I look back with real fondness and wonder what happened to the lad in my year I had to buy a double vodka for because he managed to get a first. I have had a couple of friends die in the last five years and I count myself lucky I have the chance still to live to a great age.

@Tara24 like you I am soon turning 50 and was also dancing to Blur last week! They were a band from the 90s of course there would be loads of us aged 22 year olds there -that and you need the cash middle age brings to be able to afford the tickets and vastly overpriced pints to down like you did at 22!

Like you I also have that evil mirror, I try and avoid it.

But I am planning a holiday and a festival next year child free and with my new partner - who also happened to know me when I was actually 22 - so turning 50 ain't all bad.

Look forward and to he good stuff,the past stuff has built you to date but you got plenty more to go!

I am 60 in a few weeks and my lovely children took me to Niall Rodgers ie Chic at Stanmer Park in Brighton last week. It was absolutely brilliant and definitely was the wild one there ! You are definitely as old as you feel TBH !

I'm loving being middle aged and perimenopausal.

The relief at the invisibility and ability to just pass under the radar of the male gaze is something else, having spent 35 years being lusted after or appraised.

It is with so much gratitude that I see my wrinkles, photodamage and strange new wiry, silver-streaked hair, and think "Hail, Crone!"

So much experience and wisdom, a potent alchemy of all the hardships and challenges turned to gold in the crucible of these middle years. I'm still strong as an ox, and nimble on my feet and now so aware of how precious and finite this state of being is. My patience is oceanic and I'm so much more courageous than I ever imagined I'd be. My friends of a similar age and I really love each other, and much to our DC's disgust, we care so much less about superficial markers of decorum than they think decent.

Only 50. Make the most of it. At 49, I was fit and strong and ready for anything. I was helping take care of dad who was dying of cancer, but I knew I had time left for me and DH to live our dream plans. abroad, eventually. Now, I'm 59, tired and slowing down, and my mother is showing disabling signs of dementia and now we are looking after her. I have just realised, mine and dh's plans will never happen. We can never leave this country and do what we were goingto do. I may be taking care of Mum until I'm 75 or I might even die before she does. Make the most of your life now.

l am 54 and have no fear of aging, l could live to be 100, l don't want to look back at this time and regret wasting it worrying needlessly.
I accept I' m looking older but am still happy with how l look. I don't dress to look younger but dress to look best version of who l am at this stage.
I feel society encourages women to fear aging, but you gain a lot of insights, you see things through fresh eyes, l am more comfortable in myself now than at any other previous age. I have no desire to go back to a certain age, l still have a lot to look forward to.

50 next year and me and my girlfriends truly say this is the best time of our lives. Accepted our bodies, not chasing biological clocks or fathers to children, more time to ourselves, financially solvent, whatsapp group where we lol and share and support each other, kids pulling away, joined a new company of youngsters who look at me as if I am an alien, still going to gigs and dancing my heart out. Much better than my 20s, 30s or early 40s. Just enjoy and have fun. Love Blur!

I'm in my sixties and have never had to adjust to getting older. In my head I'm still young and I do whatever I want to do without considering my age. If the Rolling Stones and others can still perform at their age why on earth can't you dance to Blur? As for wearing jeans and a tee-shirt, well I didn't realise I shouldn't be doing that! I will be wearing jeans and a tee-shirt as long as I live.

Many congrats OP . We were only discussing this yesterday, when DH turned 50, he was really depressed, felt so old, didn’t want to celebrate. I turned 50 a little later, and I thought how wonderful that I have made it to 50, when I have lost so many people that I truly love along the way. I cherished that day, I don’t feel any different in my mindset. Perhaps it was different for me as I was unfortunately diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at 40. But I am determined to think positively and enjoy my life as much as I can. My advice would be to embrace it, you aren’t limited by age. Happy Birthday OP.

56. Sitting here in jeans and a T-shirt. Went to 4 gigs at BST - and to Nashville for 4 full on days of CMAFest! You are as young as you want to be! Keep having fun and if you don't already start thinking about making sure your body will still work for next 20 years - walk and exercise if you can. There was a great thread on here a few days ago about the benefits of exercise as you age and the fact it keeps you mobile and younger.

@StellaJohanna 💐That's tough.

OP - I agree - dance while you still can! That's the antidote to feeling sad about ageing. I'm in my fifties, several health problems so I'm trying not to concentrate on what's going to go wrong next but on what I can do now.

I love your name, Quisisana! Stayed there in my early 30s and adored it. Am 56 now and would love to go back.

… and I married in Stanmer Park in 1992. Goodness, this thread is bringing strong memories of my youth!

I’m feeling very similar. I’ve always looked pretty young for my age and now I feel like age is catching up with me. People don’t look surprised when they find out my age (48) which they used to.

I keep trying to remember the good bits about getting older, mainly that I worry a lot less and give fewer fucks.

Reading numerous articles by people who have reached 100 and beyond it seems the best recipe for life (yes we all know don't smoke, move, drink water) but all that being equal is a positive outlook. These were people many lived through war. They have buried children, quite old children maybe but still their children and numerous friends.

Positive outlook OP.

Then you won't feel so 50 anymore.

That's why it's called 'The Change '- everything changes. It settles down again after a while and you stop carrying what you look like and just enjoy yourself.

My mantra is that I'm going to live the best that I can, for as long as I can.

I still feel like a 20 year old sometimes too, and I sometimes act like it. And why the hell not?

OP. I am 48. I have a professional career. I still crimp and backcomb my hair when I go out on occasion. My boyfriend is nearly 60 and still has a mohican. I play in a punk band. As does he. We go to festivals, gigs, we sometimes drink too much and stagger home too late before doing all the adult stuff we have to do and going back to work on a Monday morning.

In many ways, I'm still the person I was at 25 so why should I pretend I'm not?

I adjust to being older with a box of co-codamol beside my bed for the aches and pains I now have to contend with. But I'm certainly not going to give up the fun aspects of me just because the years are advancing!

I honestly don't care about getting older.

Wear what you want; do what you want; be who you are. The only person judging you is you.

Love that, the chicken bit 😁

Ha ha I also feel like a self conscious teenager still, and also, 53

I guess I've coped so far, so I'll cope with the rest, plus, it's gradual. Plus, I used to look at the faces of 50 somethings and see only wrinkles. I view older faces differently now. Ot that youth isn't lovely.

@EveSix I think this is the best post I have ever read on here ❤️

I think your Dads death has made you pause for thought. I did that when my Mum died. It’s unnerving. You also are at a turning point with your children. But 50 isn’t old. I’m a bit ahead of you. I’m 53, DH is 50. Our 2 kids left home 8 and 7 years ago respectively . It takes time to get used to that but now I love how relaxed things are with just the two of us. We now holiday 2-3 times a year and go to far flung places like the Caribbean. I dance my butt off ! I got tattoos last year. We are planning a tour of Australia. Let your kids go and start the next adventure if your life.