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Original poster

Does your DP/DH work away? Curious!

47 replies

mrsneate · 16/07/2023 21:40

Saw on another thread earlier than a poster replying said every man who works away from home has another women. No one she knows in real life works away...

My DP does 2 months away at sea. Then two months home. Even people in real life often make comments about "sailors playing away and having a girl in every port"

Dp is on a research ship with the same 25 men each trip away and they are literally at sea for 28 days, go in to restock for less than 12 hours then put for another 28 days. We video call often.

But I also know a fair few people who go away for work.

It's just normal for us... how many people do you know

OP posts:
CorBlimeyGovnr · 16/07/2023 21:43

I don’t think so. Not my husband but I know quite a few men in the army and I honestly don’t know where they’d manage to have affairs. It’s hardly prime dating territory in an army base in the middle of iraq

same with oil rigs and stuff, again, not many women there are there?

Oddsockday · 16/07/2023 21:48

Mine does. He is a chemical engineer and works all over the world. Sometimes just a week, the longest was 4 months. We've been together 22years and I trust him. If he did something, well ill never know.
In all honesty I think we have a far healthier marriage than couples who are unable to do anything apart.

Eyesopenwideawake · 16/07/2023 21:52

Mine did, pre Covid. We got together in 2009 so for 10 years he worked on contract throughout Europe and came home most weekends, flying in from the UK or Paris or Amsterdam or Dublin or driving six hours from Madrid. Love having him home full time now - only the odd week away.

Original poster
mrsneate · 16/07/2023 21:53

@Oddsockday I agree. We're not married yet (will be next year!) but I think we have a good relationship and I trust him 100%!

OP posts:
BakewellGin1 · 16/07/2023 21:56

DH currently in Europe. The contract is 5 years and think we are about 2 in now.
Away 3 weeks at a time, home 4/5 days then same again.

Previously he has done longer but our relationship suffered for it.

Worked away as long as we have known each other and suits me as I am independent, like time to do my own thing and DC don't know any differently.

My own DF was in the forces 22 years. Was normal to us too.

As awful as it sounds it doesn't matter whether a man is home or away. If they want to cheat they will whether it's down the road, different town or different country 🤷🏻‍♂️

PuttingDownRoots · 16/07/2023 21:59

O honestly think my DH would be incapable of having an affair. He wouldn't hurt DDs... plus his mother would kill him.

People have very strange ideas about couples who spend a long time apart.

oneuponedown · 16/07/2023 22:02

That's an odd thing to say I think.

Dh works away now and again as do I. I certainly don't play away when I'm away and I don't don't believe dh does either.

Like pp says someone will cheat if they want to regardless of the circumstances- if they are away or not they will make it work!

thaegumathteth · 16/07/2023 22:03

Dh does but not in the same places and not for that long - longest was for about 2 weeks in India I think but usually it's few days - week in Europe or 10-14 days in Asia / South America. Less now that pre covid tbh,

Sure as I can be that he's not got a secret family or anything.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/07/2023 22:05

DH works from home full time.

Only person I know who works away is in the army. Can’t think of anyone else.

Oddsockday · 16/07/2023 22:05

My neighbours find it weird and we have a resident Mrs Mangle in our close. If I have a workman round she always manages to tell DH which we both find hilarious.

HermeticDawn · 16/07/2023 22:10

I worked away, in another country, six months a year for ten years, and I succeeded in not tumbling onto someone’s penis in passing. Or is it because I am a woman and automatically considered faithful, and DH was probably putting it around despite staying at home?

SallyWD · 16/07/2023 22:22

My DH goes away a lot for work, usually for a few days at a time but often several times a month. Of course there's always the possibility that he's unfaithful when he's away. I personally don't think so. He's a terrible liar and it would show on his face if he had a guilty conscience. I'll ever know for sure though. I do know that we're very happy together.

FawnFrenchieMum · 16/07/2023 22:29

My DH used to, he did it for about 10 years when the children were small, he worked for a company that had contracts with fuel stations so was literally up and down the country working all over. He would leave Monday am and come back Thursday or Friday depending on how soon they got the work done. Occasionally he would be home mid week if he was up North for a few days then down south for the rest of the week.

Totally trusted him. He was in a different place every week. Worked 12 hour days so very little time for anything else and if I was really interested I could see all his receipts for his food that he submitted weekly to his company for expenses (he used a personal credit card to pay all of this that I had access to as well if I wanted).

Once our childcare bills reduced he moved to another company that only does local work so he’s never away now. This has given me the opportunity to start working on my career and now he works 8 hour days, no overtime and no weekends.

I think we have a great marriage, we’ve worked as a team over the years with each of us putting more in when needed.

Caramellois · 16/07/2023 22:32

My husband was scientist going off on lots of sea voyages on a research vessel. In those days communications were very poor. The work receptionist was very surprised that a ship was calling me but she luckily put the call through. There were female scientists on board but I don't imagine they flirted over dead fish in the wet lab. He later travelled for work overseas on a regular basis. I was more worried about storms at sea and plane crashes than infidelity.

FawnFrenchieMum · 16/07/2023 22:32

Ironically it’s now me that’s away for a couple of nights once or twice a month. Sometimes fairly local, sometimes London and others in Europe for meetings and conferences. Never has it crossed my mind to see / meet anyone else whilst away! (I won’t lie, I do enjoy having a room and bed all to myself for a couple of nights!)

Stickybackplasticbear · 16/07/2023 22:33

Just the odd night or half a week in London, not often. But it's bonkers anyone said that all men who work away cheat. Especially the male dominated stuff like oil rugs and shipping 😂

Original poster
mrsneate · 16/07/2023 22:42

Caramellois · 16/07/2023 22:32

My husband was scientist going off on lots of sea voyages on a research vessel. In those days communications were very poor. The work receptionist was very surprised that a ship was calling me but she luckily put the call through. There were female scientists on board but I don't imagine they flirted over dead fish in the wet lab. He later travelled for work overseas on a regular basis. I was more worried about storms at sea and plane crashes than infidelity.

Flirting over wet fish did make me 😁

OP posts:
freetheunicorn1 · 16/07/2023 22:46

I know a lot of people in oil and gas so plenty work away. Ime as many wives cheat when their men are away as the men do. And lots don't!

VikingLady · 16/07/2023 22:49

Mine does, but it's often different places so a mistress wouldn't be convenient! Plus when he gets home his washing is.... minimal. Think three pairs of pants in a week.

I think affair partners would have higher standards.

notanotherclairebear · 16/07/2023 22:49

DH is in the army so away a lot. Fair play to him if he finds time to have an affair while he's away 😅 in all seriousness though, no I don't think being away means they're more likely to cheat, as a PP said if someone is looking for an affair they don't need to work away to find one. I used to work away all the time during the week and managed to keep it in my pants, I'm sure DH does too

4pink1blue · 16/07/2023 22:50

My husband leaves Sunday night and comes home Friday afternoon every week. I can guarantee he's not got another woman because he lodges with my mother!

DidyouNO · 16/07/2023 22:55

CorBlimeyGovnr · 16/07/2023 21:43

I don’t think so. Not my husband but I know quite a few men in the army and I honestly don’t know where they’d manage to have affairs. It’s hardly prime dating territory in an army base in the middle of iraq

same with oil rigs and stuff, again, not many women there are there?

Oh you'd be surprised. My ex husband was in the army for 16 years. He cheated on me at every turn. With the local women, with other female soldiers, with civilian staff. Where there's a will, there's a way 😞

Essie274 · 16/07/2023 22:55

Not for months on end or anything, but DH travels for work semi regularly (once a month for 1-3 nights). My dad had a similar pattern when I was growing up, and my step dad worked mon-thur in another city 3 in every 4 weeks. My mum was a teacher so the only time she "worked away" was when she went on a school residential to Borth once... and she never went again Grin.

A lot of our friends work in IT/tech/computer stuff and have WFH jobs, but have to "travel for work" to the company's actual offices or server farms every so often (usually 4-6 times a year), for most of them that means travelling overnight even if its just for one day in the office. So I guess "working away" might be more common now more people WFH?

DinnaeFashYersel · 16/07/2023 22:58

Both me and DH travel a lot for work.

Although god us it's 2/3 days at a time rather than weeks or months.

We require precision planning to make it work.

I don't have a fella in every port and I'm confident DH isn't okay big away either.

OddsOff · 16/07/2023 23:06

We had close to a decade of DH working away but there was no real pattern, at the very start DS was a baby and I worked almost FT and had compressed hours over 5 days.

In the first year he was away the equivalent of 4.5 months. That was the most. Quite a lot of that time was in Asia, he was also in Brazil and various European countries. Some of it was short notice. There was a memorable time when he was not contactable in the Malaysian jungle and also going down the Amazon in a canoe. He is not Bear Grylls by the way or military is us an academic though sadly not Indiana Jones @Caramellois get it totally