Kids first time abroad and all they've done is moan.

[HolHell]

I knew they wouldn't like it (ASD/Autism is rife in our genes!) and they are real home bodies so we've never ventured abroad.

After years of feeling pressure and guilt from the outside world and thinking 'what if we're wrong and they actually love it?' we did it.

And we were right.

Won't eat the meals, won't get in the pool, eldest is burnt to buggery. They've mostly stayed in their rooms.

They did like the beach/sea once they got in. But only 1 out of 4 has even been in the pool!

Never ever again.

Hey OP, parent of an ASD teen here.

Before we knew DS was asd, every single holiday was a struggle. We always had a villa or a campsite. The memorable holiday is where DS sat in the shade of the terrace of our villa, building lego all day every day for a fortnight.

Any trip to town was hard, hard work.

And the last time we went abroad with him to a hotel which was pretty quiet and adult based, he spent his days at the bottom of the swimming pool. He'd come up for air and then sink and sit cross legged on the floor of the pool. Said he liked the peace and quiet. Now we know why!!!

And suncream? Omg, it's been a 13yr struggle!

My advice is go with the flow. Try and take something from the holiday for you, they are old enough to know their minds now. Be thankful you were able to offer them the opportunity, you're a good parent for trying to do that.

You may find that they ask to go again, once they've gone home and processed the experience.

Take comfort in the small wins too. Did everyone eat? Tick. Did everyone have a moment of calm? Tick.

Have a lovely rest of holiday.

My eldest (now 12) has autism and I remember the first time I took him aboard. To begin with he really really struggled with the heat. He napped a lot (he was only 15 months) and he was sick a few times, including once at breakfast 🙈 he refused to eat any of the food from the hotel at all, toast/cereal, anything. So next time we tried self catering. Since then that’s what we’ve kept to. I’ve even been known to take cereal and favourite snacks with us so I can guarantee he’ll have something safe. Since the pandemic, we’ve only done UK holidays, there’s now 3 DC and I’ve been putting off renewing passports etc.

The UK holidays are successful for us at the moment. I do find lots of walks are a most with mine though!

How are your DC with UK holidays?

Solidarity. I’m massively struggling with 14 year old ASD on a much anticipated beach holiday and it’s awful. Feel really sorry for them when I can be calm as they can’t help it but it’s disappointing for my other DC who wants company.
agree that city breaks have, though not without challenges, been easier as more to do. Honestly not sure I can do this again.

Next time you go away (if you do!) I would suggest taking long life safe foods in your suitcase. We went to Iceland last year and I took tins of heinz beans, super noodles, cereals, UHT dairy free milks, even the one type of squash my kids would drink, in the suitcase in the hold. Out of our 5 suitcases between us, 2 of them were filled with easy-to-transport safe foods (ASD, food sensory issues and allergies combine to make it not-easy to feed my kids when we are away!) Tbh, I do this in the UK as well. And I was fully prepared to spend our entire holiday in the chalet with the kids if needed- the important thing to me was that they were there, and that they had opportunities to choose to take up- if they chose not to, that was fine as long as they were happy and relaxed.
Your 19 year old has learnt a valuable lesson about the sun, your youngest is having a great time by the sounds of it, and your daughter is eating something even though it may not be what you hoped she would eat. Your ND kids are happy in the hotel room which is a different environment to home, and relaxing (hopefully!). There are positives if you look for them, it's just it may not fit the idea you had of the way the holiday would go.

My ASD (Arfid) 16 doesn't leave the house at home at the moment the only time I can get him out is to the airport. He might not have a very "fulfilling" life at the moment but at least he isn't suicidal & self harming.
But if I can get him out when away then that is a start, occasionally I can. The very low demand situation helps him, no threat of college on other NT things.
Luckily when he was younger we found some things abroad that worked.
If we don't go away I don't get a break ever as I am self employed & work out of my home.
Take the small wins you deserve them

My autistic kids loved travelling but we always self catered so they knew what they were eating and we never went in peak season-too hot and crowded! Try Easter next time.

Get biafin cream from a pharmacy for your DS sunburn. It's good stuff for burns. He'll still need to slap on Fact 50 of course.

I think it's more likely their age, not that they are ND. All of mine are ND, all absolutely loved any holiday with a pool/beach and the autonomy of choosing their own food at that type of holiday, and then have become disinterested and wanted to hide in rooms on screens as teenagers and not wanted to share rooms. I have started to do city breaks with them one on one instead.

This was me last year. My eldest ate only watermelon the whole week and sat hidden under a towel any time we left the room. We had a swim up room though so he could play his iPad in the room while I sunbathed and swam with my younger son. My youngest only ate nuggets and chips and pancakes! My eldest said he might go back there again this year. He would rather go there than anywhere else as he knows what to expect.

This made me lol because 90% of what my eldest 2 have ate is water melon 😂

I can laugh now and I look back and it doesnt seem that bad, but I was in tears several times each day as it was so hard for him. I hope that you manage to have some good times while you are there, go with the flow and lower any expectations.

We are all ND in our family and took the primary age kids for their first trip abroad recently. They moaned the entire time and just wanted to be in the hotel watching tablets or in the pool. The pool was deep, freezing and I forgot their goggles, so they moaned the whole time in there too. One is vegetarian and both have issues with sauces, food mixing/touching and anything that they aren't used to. A couple of weeks after we got back they both were loudly professing to have loved it and can't wait to go back! Of course we can't afford to for quite some time, but would again if we made sure we were prepared.

We were away with incredibly fussy DD at Easter, staying in a hotel with a very comprehensive breakfast buffet. She managed to find something to eat each morning, and 5 mini doughnuts at least meant she was getting some calories, so I counted it as a win. We also allowed her to take things to try, and if she had a bite and didn't like it, that was OK. The downside was that they changed the selection each day, but she was always able to find something she could eat. I decided not to care about its nutritional content. I don't think she ate a vegetable for our whole time there, and I wouldn't be certain about fruit either...

Sorry it didn't go well, think it maybe age of the children and quantity of them.

I have 1 with asd and 1 NT and we've always been on holidays abroad since birth really and asd one loves them. He prefers AI so he can eat the same food in the same place at the same time each day. We do go to hotels with activities like waterparks / kayaking on site as well as pools and go out every other day and I tend to theme holidays round his special interest which is wildlife. Eating he eats much the same as at home, only issue we had is the unlimited ice cream but he only did that to excess once. He eats a lot of fruit so was OK.

Whenever we don't go AI I have to go through every detail about a hotel. Now I have had breast cancer with a risk of it returning at stage 4 its the thing I am most glad we did. Though he had a breakdown last year when I got cancer and his school said can't meet needs at same time and had no school so no idea when he will be well enough for another holiday. Its also quite common for teenagers to moan on holiday then come back and say it was the best thing ever and can they go again. The NT one declared she didn't like holidays late teens, refused one claiming she did not like holidays despite appearing to love them every year then next one I booked without her then it was get me added on plus she's had 3 holidays with her friends. 😂

I was just going to say, I find my kids quite often moan all the time on holiday, then we get home and they say the holiday was the best thing ever and talk of nothing else for weeks. Quite bizarre. I wonder if yours will be the same.

It will be interesting to see.

DD who has moaned non stop, caused countless arguments, said she didn't wnat to come her in the first place etc has just said 'I would like to come again if it wasn't for so long next time'

😐

Some really good advice here OP. I think leaving side the autism it would be a struggle to take four teenagers anywhere. I distinctly remember a Spanish holiday where all I wanted to do was listen to the same CD on repeat in my room & go to the restaurant where they were playing it! It was Enrique Inglesias! I also managed to get sunburnt to the point where I couldn’t walk (20+ years later have just had pre cancerous cells removed from my leg).

Ive resolved with my own kids to be very careful about what I spend money on.

For your kids, it may not be the picture perfect holiday but you’ve given them the experience of being abroad.

Well that’s just because you’re a more cultured and tasteful person than the OP, isn’t it? A cut above, in fact.

🙄

TBH I find sitting by the pool not quite my thing.I burn easily and am "well built" and feel a little exposed in my Cossie! Can you see if there are any trips out at all? We went to Cyprus and caught the local bus to the Market. And a taxi to a couple of neighbouring towns when in Portugal. That may break the routine a little for them (and you!) Its a bit of a culture shock I expect thats all.

I think you have done the right thing op. You gave it a go to see if they liked it, and they haven't enjoyed it as much as you'd hoped.

I think some people here have little understanding of how difficult it can be to cater for children with ASD or other needs.

I'd think of it as you've taken them to another place, they've enjoyed some parts of it, have coped with the travel there, are trying out a different climate and culture at their own level of comfort. The fact that your child has tried the Spanish nuggets, bread etc is perhaps a big step.

If you're away with partner I'd suggest tag teaming to make sure you both get some down time.

I hope you get a chance to get a bit of rest op.