Kids first time abroad and all they've done is moan.

[HolHell]

I knew they wouldn't like it (ASD/Autism is rife in our genes!) and they are real home bodies so we've never ventured abroad.

After years of feeling pressure and guilt from the outside world and thinking 'what if we're wrong and they actually love it?' we did it.

And we were right.

Won't eat the meals, won't get in the pool, eldest is burnt to buggery. They've mostly stayed in their rooms.

They did like the beach/sea once they got in. But only 1 out of 4 has even been in the pool!

Never ever again.

I appreciate the sentiment but my DD isn't 'eating the same things:' out of choice. She is Autistic with an eating disorder, ARFID. It's not a choice she makes.

Sorry it's not worked out.

Actually I think you've done the right thing. 19yo now knows suncream is essential. And he knows what a foreign beach holiday is like so when he leaves home and someone suggests going, he will have some idea,

If you want to try it again you might be better off going to a self catering villa or apartment.

Our DD although not ASD is a fussy eater and it's so much less stressful than being all inclusive. I then take things like peanut butter, her favourite dry snacks in the case x

Op you have my sympathy. My autistic dc are fussy eaters but would eat generic pizzas and crisps so I can’t imagine how hard it would be with a child with arfid.

We’ve had holidays abroad before but we’re not this year because dc don’t want to. It does make me sad that the world is there to be explored and I can barely persuade my two to leave their rooms.

next year could you just a take your young one away? If the others are happy at home then maybe that’s the best way to keep everyone happy - as long as you give them some treats that can be enjoyed at home.

Are they teens that lie in the garden in the sun with a book / listening to music when it’s hot - that is the type of thing I meant . Our children always stayed out of the sun unless we were out and about ( and then they just moaned about it )

Well done you for making it happen!!
screen time in room is ok
do you have a balcony?
help them enjoy the small things - like sitting outside on a warm dark night.
glad the youngest is enjoying it!
do they all like ice cream? Could go out for that.
take them down for a swim one at a time? (The younger ones that is)

They don't lock you in, you know.
Usually for families AI resorts are easy.

At least you've done it, op. And one of your children is enjoying it. You've tried, you don't need to feel bad about not doing it again. I'd have given it a shot too.

My NT teens spend most holidays refusing to get in the pool or the sea and want to sulk in their rooms all day.
It maybe the age making it all worse.
Go get yourself a cocktail and a book and ignore them for a few hours.

Don’t write the experience off. Once you are home you might hear a different reflection on the trip from them/or some of them. I think that you have tried, clearly saved and spent a lot of money so give yourself a big pat on the back. Plus your youngest is having a great time so hope you have lots of happy photos. Also you might work out how to go away again but some tweaks to make a better fit for some of your children. Enjoy the next two days.

I am a deeply mellow parent whose kids have been all over the place but the one real tantrum I had last year was when the fuckers refused to enjoy themselves like I remembered enjoying myself when we were on hols. It is hard to accept they are too different to do those things that you want them to enjoy like you did.

It’s frustrating - especially when it has been expensive. Meet your needs and enjoy the youngest’s fun.

Tbh I remember going on holiday with my parents when I was 17 and half of the holiday we stayed in one place and we were doing things like visiting places and the second half we went somewhere else and it was 100% beach/pool. I didn't leave my room for the second half and couldn't tell you anything about the food or the hotel except it was hot, no shade and very boring. I haven't been on a beach holiday since as I just don't like them.

I wouldn't discount holidays completely but maybe try something different if your older ones go with you again. A city break or a beach holiday but a cooler climate and more cheap/free things to do like walks or museums.

They're probably fine if you like bustle and sharing a pool. But if you and your family don't like that, I'd have thought self catering would be more suitable.

Hmm… these children are in the spectrum.
You might want to learn what that means.

@HolHell I think you have and are doing fantastic.
Travelling was never going to be easy in these circumstances but you are doing it! And no they might enjoy it all. They might be more fussy than at Home etc.. but the fact it doesn’t sound everything has collapsed into a 4 days long meltdown says a lot about you and them!

I remember ds saying the same thing about food tasting different abroad (for us, it was ketchup).

This was me when little; liked my own room, house, routine etc on the second week I settled and enjoyed the weather and pool etc. Week 1 I use to get heat rash and nausea and hated the airport (well before 9/11) flying tolerable.

Even once settled I liked to stay put and go in the pool/read my Enid Blytons and that was it. I enjoyed the pool very much not a proper swimmer; but water was nice.

I haven't changed much at all if I am honest and am 100 percent homebody.

Does she eat Weetabix? You can get that in many holiday destinations from supermarkets and it IS definitely the same.My DD (17) lives on it on hols.

😂 Thankyou.

Yes today I've sat by the pool alone reading. They're happy in their rooms!

We are a family of autism/ adhd
we holiday to the same place a few times a year ,and only stay 3/4 days .as that’s all we can manage ,we used to pay for a week ,but realised there was no point as we just come home early
we don’t cook in the holiday home ,because other people have used the oven ,so it’s McDonald’s for dinner ,or Tesco sandwich meal deal.
we even buy bottled water as the tap water tastes different,and take our own kettle .
youngest needs 24 hours in the holiday home after arrival before coping with venturing out .
there is no way we would cope going abroad for a holiday .
but I always felt bad we never at least tried .
at you have tried op ,at least you are giving it a go ,your not sat thinking ,what if .
and you never know ,it might improve as the week goes on x

I feel ya OP, I have one on the spectrum and we still do holidays because my other two love it so much but it's bloody hard work.

Lol at the poster saying they were normally cocooned at home 🤣🤣🤣.

If they're safe/independent enough to be left in their room whilst you sunbathe and read book go for it .

Ds is 16yo and has autism. He hates going away. Anywhere. Even somewhere he loves.
He also hates it hot (and doesn't like sun cream), has major sensory issues with sand, and frets after his budgies if he can't greet them morning and say goodnight at bedtime.

We don't go abroad, but have booked a caravan in August. He's already asked if he can stay behind, several times. We will no doubt have the phrase "and you forced me to come..." many times over the week.

However it is good for him to do it. He will be better for having a week away, even if he doesn't want to admit it. The less he goes out, the less he wants to go out, and then he really struggles even going up the road to the shops.

He did say he might consider going to Canada, as long as we go when it's snowy.
However if I booked it, then I am confident he still wouldn't want to go.

People can live fulfilling lives without world travel you know @Brrrrrrrrrrrr. No-one "needs" to holiday abroad.

Parents with ND dc spend their lives evaluating the risks and benefits of new experiences. Trying to predict how to stretch the various comfort zones without pushing too far and having it all backfire. Trying to offer the best opportunities without causing distress or damage. And at the same time dealing with thoughtless comments or outright criticism of their parenting.

I get that your post was intended to be supportive but it nevertheless expressed judgement.

Well done OP for trying it out! I take my hat off to you with 4 dc with varying and potentially conflicting needs.

God that sounds so difficult op, I would be so fed up! But… your youngest is loving it & it isn’t fair for him to never to go on holiday because his older siblings don’t like it! So I think you’ve done a great thing! But yes, they’re older… definitely buggar off alone and try to enjoy it yourself!

Our kids (DS, 9 and DD, 6) are both likely on the spectrum (DD not diagnosed yet). We find that holidays are more successful if we take them to look around things - it can be completely random things, and doesn't have to be expensive. For instance, old churches, graveyards, gardens and universities are usually free to have a nosey about. Often the town centre of wherever we're staying is good for a wander - we go around the shops just looking at things, and then get an ice cream.

It doesn't sound that exciting, but they seem to enjoy it!

They will have different experiences to you that they look back on fondly as being special moments in their childhoods.

This is something I have to work harder at accepting for my own DC. I struggle with the reality that, because of where we live and our present circumstances, I won't be able to provide my DC with many of the childhood experiences that I look back on as cherished moments. Their special moments will be different to mine, but hopefully there will be many of them.

If it makes you feel any better my brother who is NT behaved liked this every time we went abroad, moaned constantly, hardly ever left the hotel room and hated the food. I would just leave them to it and focus on having a nice time with your youngest.