How are people affording things atm?

[locomum83]

Bear with me.... I work 12 hours a Week, the rest of the time I look after our 3 young kids, DH works full time.
We can afford nothing at the minute, food costing us at least £700 a month (more than I earn) we run 2 cars as we live rural, and can't car share due to work commitments, our mortgage isn't even that much.
I'm looking at other jobs but we don't have formal childcare, just our parents, all in their 70's so not ideal, and to work more could mean having to pay childcare, so the extra money would be eaten up with childcare so what's the point?
this summer we haven't even been able to have any sort of holiday or even short break organised, we simply have no money left after bills, and often we have to take money from savings to help.
All my mum friends are chatting about their holidays to Disney, turkey, Spain etc, and their new build houses, etc.
My question... how do people do it?? Seriously, and not even people with really excellent jobs, those just with regular run of the mill jobs. Everyone around me is spending money, big money! And I have no idea how they do it.
Are people in debt up to their eyes, what kind of jobs are people doing? Maybe I can do the same! Really deflated at the moment and feeling totally useless.

*there can also be car finance that should have said

I used to budget £500 a week on food and was finding every month I was overspending, and not on luxuries either perhaps extra fruit, cheese, eggs bread. So it was happening so consistently that I just increased the food budget to account for it,

It’s totally crap. Totally totally crap. Our mortgage has gone up to over £2000 a month and we have a normal income, everything I earn doesn’t even cover the new interest on the mortgage 😭

I would say try meal planning and costing all your snacks and things, we’re a family of 5 with 2 teens and a pre-teen and I’ve got a starling account with a space &virtual card that contains £450 a month for food and I can’t go over that. It’s fine but I have to make all our meals from scratch and we only eat meat like 3 times a week. Porridge for breakfast. A few of us are also gluten and dairy free so it’s additionally challenging!!!

We don’t have any spare money now for anything. I’m just trying really hard to enjoy the house I’m paying £2045 a month to live in by spending a lot of time at home. Not sure what will happen when our car packs in…

I think there must be more people out there than you think who have zero disposable income. But I agree, it feels like everyone I know is talking about buying second properties and going to effing Greece!!!!

Look at secondary schools too and school office jobs.
One of my friends used her degree subject to get a job as a support assistant in a secondary school while her dc were young.

I am surprised you aren’t eligible for UC to be honest. Have you double checked?

You have made choices that met your needs, such as having three children and living rurally. These choices come at a cost.

With regards to what other people do, you have no idea what their overall situation is. If they own, they may have a tiny/zero mortgage. They might have inheritance money. I have adult DC and give them top up funds and have paid for them to have holidays in USA and Europe. I doubt they tell many people that’s how they afford their latest jaunt to NYC as it’s nobody else’s business.

My advice is to stop the envy of others, and focus on the wonderful life you do have. So many people would love to have three children with a happy relationship, living in the countryside near extended family.

What's your degree in OP? Can you do something with that?

My advice would be

1. Look to increasing your working hours to 16 a week. I think you will be entitled to some benefits then? I'm not sure as I haven't claimed.

2. Meal plan to avoid waste, and to use similar items in multiple meals. For example potatoes, to do mash one meal, chips another etc. I plan every week which helps reduce waste.

3. How old are dc? Will you have the 15 free child care soon?

It's hard. When my dc were little I reduced my hours to 15 and things were tight. Now they're both a bit older and in full-time school I work full time again and we have more money. We haven't been abroad on holiday since before covid either, for multiple reasons. Luckily my dc love a UK break with family. Could you go camping? Take the bikes etc, kids will love it.

Do you know, we had two and hadn't planned for a third (I know il get slaughtered for that comment) but life always finds a way.
I knew we could offer two children a better life than 3 but obviously we wouldnt change our third now we have him, but it feels like we've been set back 4 years in life, still 2 years until school and pretty sure he will be ADHD like our eldest, so they're hard word.
I had hoped to remain in my 12 hour job until the youngest was at school then go for a much better paid job, but the cost of living at the minute just isn't conducive to that plan, and I feel so sorry for my husband, I feel like I'm resented, o do feel like he feels it's all my fault, so therefore o feel it's all my fault.

DH did the same, surprise 2nd baby came along and he had no choice! You lose all the NHS benefits and flexibility but in terms of take home wage it's made a huge difference.

Thankyou for the kind words

These threads come up a lot. It mostly boils down to the fact that people earn a lot more than you realise, have debt/book on credit, have received inheritance or gifts from parents.

I hope your DH claims tax back on uniform cleaning costs, my DS does as also emergency services.

Kids are older plus we built a huge surplus in childcare vouchers. Therefore no childcare costs and we get help from grandparents so can work full time. That seems to be your main problem I'm afraid if you're only doing 12 hours a week.

It's hard op, I think it's really difficult when you compare yourself to others which we all do. We don't go on holiday and yes it's shit, but we chose to have 1 parent at home and 1 working so of course our income is low. You sound like a great mum, there for your kids and that's more important than holidays abroad. What about a few day trips. Where are you in NI? There's some great days out you could do, or travel down to the south for something different?

There seems to be a misconception that holidaying in the UK is always a cheaper option that going abroad.

However, a family of 5 - using a free child place - can go to a nice little all inclusive in somewhere like Turkey in Greece for as little as £400 per person, or less depending on taking DC out of school at cheaper times. And not spend a penny on top of that while there as transfers and activities and all food and drinks included. I know this is still expensive in relative terms but some seem to assume that those holidays are more high end than they actually are.

To take a family of 5 away in the UK, taking into account the cost of accommodation somewhere like Cornwall, supermarket food, local attractions, ice creams for the kids.. there is no way I would pay for that during school holidays.

This is true, especially if you go abroad outside the England 6 week holidays. OP being in NI, her friends going abroad have probably taken advantage of the longer summer holiday there and got cheaper prices by going in the 1st week of July. NI isn't a big enough market to influence holiday prices in Europe so it can work well for people there. October half term can also be a good time for deals.

I love UK holidays and I know how to do them on the cheap, but some of them really are very expensive. Have never tried Cornwall because it's so rammed and dear, even though it looks beautiful.

Download the Olio app for free food in your area, also batch cook and freeze, add lentils to chilli, curry, cottage pie etc to reduce amount of meat. Try to find out when local supermarkets reduce their fresh meat, fish etc and freeze. Try new recipes that work out cheaper, bake snacks for your grazer. Don't put your oven on to cook one dish, make it work for you and save money.

Accounting? Bookkeeping? Can you upskill? Do a course? You need to start increasing your hours as the kids grow up. 12 hours is not much. How old are the kids? Are they a school?

You should try at least to work 20 hours, more when they are all in school.

Same size family. We spend £350 a month on food (London). Every 6 weeks we buy essentials in bulk from Costco. We buy a lot of supermarket-branded and offer items. Cook from scratch (I use a Ninja Foodi to speed up cooking time). Freeze a lot of ingredients so minimum wastage. Diet is not meat-heavy, lots of lentils & bulking with veg. Leftovers are always used up in another meal e.g. leftover roast chicken used up in a pasta dish the next day. Packed lunches for work. We only buy with a menu mind so only buy what we need. However, we were brought up with this kind of budgeting mindset ourselves (both sets of parents were immigrants) so it's second nature tbh.

We do go on holidays abroad (again looking everywhere for deals, booking stuff separately to save costs). We do pay for school meals though as the kids prefer a hot meal.

If your oldest and youngest have ADHD you might be eligible for DLA. Look here for guidance: https://cerebra.org.uk/download/disability-living-allowance-dla-guide/

Look here to be completely sure you're not entitled to any benefits: https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

We have 3 dcs op and are in Ireland too but the ROI, Ireland is very expensive so maybe it’s the same for you ? That shopping sounds absolutely normal and we shop in Aldi too, it’s prob closer to 900 per month for us but all our sons are huge eaters, v v fit but burn through food.
We both work, I am part-time but its a well paid career so counteracts the pt element , we have absolutely zero childcare (family don’t help on either side ) , our dcs are finished early from school and the afterschool is only one hour a day to bridge the infant hour (that goes on for two years 🙄) with the time other siblings are finished.
So apart from 5 hours a week for one child we have no childcare. It’s a big juggle with three kids and no support and thankfully I’m off all the holidays but usually will have admin stuff to do over the breaks. We are doing ok as my dh has a really well paid job , my part-time is well paid and we set up a small side business 3 years ago that is doing well.
We have done everything ourselves , practically , financially etc.
A lot of people I know have help (actually pretty much everyone ), most of my friends have had some financial help from family and nearly all get practical help with kids so sometimes it’s v easy to see why they are doing well.
We are doing well but honestly we are often exhausted. I believe time is another we’re commodity and luxury so although we have more money it’s at a price.

Do you get DLA (or NI equivalent) for your child with ADHD op? Worth looking in to. Have you definitely looked into universal credit? It may surprise you and might be entitled to something xx

Do you mind me asking what job you have? I'm very interested in hearing what people do, it might help me consider working options..

Re side hustle , Airbnb? Rent a room to a student if you are anywhere near a university town? Prob not appealing but can really boost your income !
Also you are not useless ! Being a mum of three is full on !

Agreed. You shouldn't need to spend 20-25 a day on food for a family with three young children. Or does that include all your household stuff like toiletries/cleaning products?

It's hard not compare your lives with others. I often wonder how some families always have new cars, holidays abroad, meals out etc. But as others have said as well as having higher incomes (and sometimes fewer children) I know for sure some have massive payouts from their parents who would rather pass on future inheritance now. And many people put their lives on credit cards and worry about it later.

We haven't been abroad in years, we've not had a holiday at all in over a year. But my DC are happy and don't feel they miss out on anything - and very much know the value of money.

I don't know anyone even with 2 salaries who is doing this.
DH and I have an income of around 110K take home and we don't spend 20K on a holiday every year.
Tbh it irritates me that people play the victim to circumstances they have created and then make out they are hard done by because these other people are all on posh holidays.

3 children on one,less than everage salary is the answer here, even 20 years ago with 2 DC and both of us working it was a struggle.