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Original poster

OLD sexting before you meet

35 replies

misspinkpyjamas · 15/07/2023 07:50

I'm expecting quite a few judgemental comments on this, but I was just wondering if anyone else has sexted with someone before meeting them. I'm 40, single mother and work full time in a great but demanding job. I've been single for two years but haven't had sex for about three years.

Dipped my toe into online dating a couple of months ago. A few chats etc but haven't met up with anyone because my time is precious and nobody seems worth the effort (as harsh as that sounds). Also, because of my situation I'm looking for more of a casual thing than going into a full blown relationship... . Over the past week I've connected with someone who I seem to get on with on a different level. The chat is more interesting and engaging and I find him really attractive. We've exchanged voice notes and other photos (nothing naughty just day to day selfies). Then last night the texting turned to sexting, it was really rather enjoyable if I'm being honest. We're hoping to meet up in the next couple of weeks, but also know this might not happen as the nature of OLD you never truly know who you're speaking to before you meet them.

Anyway, the point of this post is I can't be the only one whose sexted someone they have never met? Just wondering if I am alone in this? I found a thread on Mumsnet where someone had done similar to me years ago and I was so shocked about the judgey and derogatory comments that were posted! I know it's not everyone's bag, but women can enjoy these things too!

OP posts:
HotdogCat · 15/07/2023 07:53

I don’t think I would, I’d prefer to take things a bit slower, but no judgement to anyone who does. If you felt comfortable doing it and enjoyed it wheres the harm

Original poster
misspinkpyjamas · 15/07/2023 08:20

@HotdogCat totally! This is the response I was expecting a well balanced view of it. Just was shocked at how many women were being so judgemental (then realised it is Mumsnet) 😂

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Alwaystired2023 · 15/07/2023 08:21

Hmmm maybe MN not the best place to not receive judgement but mid thirties here and think that's all completely normal and sounds good fun - sext away!

ManAboutTown · 15/07/2023 08:25

To each their own.

For a bloke on OLD there are a lot of obvious scammers on there - one woman purporting to be from nearby turned out to be from Kazakhstan!!!

It makes me cautious in the early stages - TBH if someone started sexting me very early on I would suspect an ulterior motive - there's quite a few who appear to be escorts. After meeting and being able to make a better assessment would probably be fine

Anyway good luck OP

Original poster
misspinkpyjamas · 15/07/2023 08:25

Haha yes @Alwaystired2023 thanks for the reassurance that all normal! After reading the previous thread, I was feeling like some weirdo. Surely we've move on from that?! Women do like sex too and we can get horny and carried away too 😂

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Original poster
misspinkpyjamas · 15/07/2023 08:27

@ManAboutTown from a women's point of view this already goes through my head and that's the only thing I find bizarre that actually who you're talking to could be anyone! I did a lot of OLD when younger and everyone turned out to be who they said they were (their personalities not so) but I can't imagine being catfished! I hope the man I was sexting with wasn't a woman from Kazakhstan 😂

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Beargrumps22 · 15/07/2023 08:30

Fine if you are both on the same wavelength but would say that if you meet up and really don't like him you may find yourself in an awkward situation as the person would be thinking that it's going to be some sexy fun involved. Not saying you would have to continue what you started but could be a bit awkward when meeting.

Original poster
misspinkpyjamas · 15/07/2023 08:34

@Beargrumps22 yes afterwards that was my only thought!! 😂 but I also think if you meet up and are honest, yes awkward but sometimes OLD is really awkward even without the sexting beforehand! Been on some very awkward dates in the past! 😅

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EthicalNonMahogany · 15/07/2023 08:36

I do lots of meeting people online. My only problem with sexting before meeting is that photos, voice notes even, don't quite give you the sense of the whole "gestalt" of the person. I've thought people were proper sexy and confided in them and explored all sorts of sexy ideas, then met and found they were just not for me. And then it feels more sad and depressing for both of us when it doesn't go there. If I was pretty sure someone was really hot - multiple video calls, not a foot wrong during texting - I might but otherwise I try and restrain myself. This isn't out of prudishness or women shouldn't do it etc, but in the interests of making the encounter work for me.

There is a challenge though as if you want to meet the person but can't for 3 weeks you can get stuck in a sort or artificial not-escalating which can drain the sexiness out of it too.

So I'd not start to invest energy without a first coffee date on the horizon, basically.

Original poster
misspinkpyjamas · 15/07/2023 08:41

@EthicalNonMahogany totally appreciate what you're saying and totally agree with you on all points. To be honest if this was me OLD six years ago I would probably be more worried. But because I'm not wanting anything serious etc, maybe I'm just after the quick, easy thrill without any expectation or effort on my part! I'm not sure we will even meet up (if we end up getting married I'll let you know haha)

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EthicalNonMahogany · 15/07/2023 08:55

Got it! I'm all about the quick easy thrill too. :D

All I meant was, if I sext with someone who I then realise I really don't fancy, I feel MASSIVELY ick - not that I want to marry them, more that I feel sad a guy I would turn down in a bar has had the fun of imagining sex with me. And tbh that's the most likely outcome of early sexting for me!

ZaZathecat · 15/07/2023 09:02

I'm an oldie and have never sexted, so don't have much clue really. But my worry would be that sex would be expect the moment I met up with the person, as the foreplay has already happened.

Original poster
misspinkpyjamas · 15/07/2023 09:05

@EthicalNonMahogany oh god me too! I totally thought this after the amazing sext text! What happens if in real life he repulses me! 😂 maybe worth the risk for a quick thrill! We sound on the same page xx

OP posts:
usernother · 15/07/2023 09:11

Any man initiating that would have been a massive red flag for me.

Dotcheck · 15/07/2023 09:12

If all you want is sex, then sext away.
However, you have no idea if he smells, or is generally disgusting. Might be awkward when you meet

Jennalong · 15/07/2023 09:17

I'm not going to judge you , if you enjoyed it , then fair play . If the sexting lead to you both having fun ( if you get my meaning ) and you do meet up , then he might expect more of the same for real life. Again if you're up for it - why not ?
You don't need a bunch of strangers telling you how to live your life.

PrincessIntrovert · 15/07/2023 09:25

Grim

kraftyKitten · 15/07/2023 09:26

He's going to expect more than just a date . He will expect things to move quickly from a date to the bedroom if you meet up . If you are ok with that then go ahead .

flutterby1 · 15/07/2023 09:29

Imagine when you meet and he isn't like his photos. Or just looks slightly different to his BEST photos that he's portrayed.

Ick

Cringe

Original poster
misspinkpyjamas · 15/07/2023 09:32

@flutterby1 yes totally appreciate this could happen! I guess I don't care so much as it was just texting. I remember once years ago in online dating. This guy was really full on and was very romantic in his texting (no sex chat) was equally as cringe and ick giving when I met and there was no connection but he was still giving the romance chat 💯

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Hop27 · 15/07/2023 09:35

Lots of sexting with now DH before we met. It was amazing, when we met in person it was even better. If your comfortable with it go for it.
(Married 8 years later and sex life still amazing and we still sext when apart)

flutterby1 · 15/07/2023 09:35

Yeah, but if the date goes well have you already set the tone for this relationship to be highly sex oriented , are you after something with a bit more depth , that could be a problem. Guess it depends what you're after x

Original poster
misspinkpyjamas · 15/07/2023 09:42

@Hop27 this is amazing! Love it! Haha... I'm not looking for marriage but it does give hope that you could possibly meet someone with a cheeky side who isn't a major red flag! Hope the naughty side of things are still going strong xxx

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Original poster
misspinkpyjamas · 15/07/2023 09:43

@flutterby1 I would be quite happy for a friends with benefits type situation. I'm not in a position for anything more as I have such limited time and energy for something more long term!

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Original poster
misspinkpyjamas · 15/07/2023 09:44

@Hop27 oh brilliant! Didn't read the last line! Good sex is surely one of the best parts of being in a long term relationship

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