OLD sexting before you meet

[misspinkpyjamas]

I'm expecting quite a few judgemental comments on this, but I was just wondering if anyone else has sexted with someone before meeting them. I'm 40, single mother and work full time in a great but demanding job. I've been single for two years but haven't had sex for about three years.

Dipped my toe into online dating a couple of months ago. A few chats etc but haven't met up with anyone because my time is precious and nobody seems worth the effort (as harsh as that sounds). Also, because of my situation I'm looking for more of a casual thing than going into a full blown relationship... . Over the past week I've connected with someone who I seem to get on with on a different level. The chat is more interesting and engaging and I find him really attractive. We've exchanged voice notes and other photos (nothing naughty just day to day selfies). Then last night the texting turned to sexting, it was really rather enjoyable if I'm being honest. We're hoping to meet up in the next couple of weeks, but also know this might not happen as the nature of OLD you never truly know who you're speaking to before you meet them.

Anyway, the point of this post is I can't be the only one whose sexted someone they have never met? Just wondering if I am alone in this? I found a thread on Mumsnet where someone had done similar to me years ago and I was so shocked about the judgey and derogatory comments that were posted! I know it's not everyone's bag, but women can enjoy these things too!

I'm so bloody tired of men who try this on old. I no longer bother with it as a result. Personally it's not for me. I've met enough of the guys who try it on my time (I've been single for much of the last 10 years) for it to be a big red flag 🚩

Not when they become a complete pest about it, which these men invariably do!

I’d say the only downside is - as PPs have said- that you don’t fancy him in real life.

Guys who’ve been very promising in text have been a major disappointment when I’ve met them.

but you actually aren’t losing anything here. The biggest problem is when you become invested in these ‘relationships’ before meeting. But if you’re only looking for something casual, then there’s no problem!

Definitely no judgement from me. I've enjoyed sexting people in the past and I think it's normal for 2 people who fancy each other to express that. As long as you're both consenting adults it's up to you. I would just be mindful of the risk of the dating not being taken seriously and being all just being a casual sex thing if that's the basis of your communication.

@liveforsummer totally agree! You both need to be at the same level! If someone is a pest about sex and you're not wanting it, it's horrendous x

If that happens because it occurs naturally then that's great. It's only when one is pushing it or one brings it out without having had the cues that it would be okay. That's vile and violating.

To be honest I sexted this guy back in around 2006 when there was this game over the old brick phones called Life Cafe and you could chat to people internationally.

We ended up having "sex" over the app, it was wild, very enjoyable. We'd been chatting daily for a few months.

Then I joined Tinder very recently and it just put me off men completely! I'm waiting for that to go away, but the sleaziness, and the early mentions of sex it just made me feel ill!

Go with the flow basically and there's nothing to judge. Sex is a normal natural thing and it's between those involved. We should all express ourselves however we wish with consenting people - there's zero issues with this.

I think for me I see it as a bit of a separate thing and would rather sext with someone I haven’t met/not going to meet and keep my anonymity. There are things I’d fantasise and sext about that I don’t know if I’d like to do as much in real life and so I’d be worried they’d expect things in person we’d sexted about. But I’m fully aware this might be to do with some repression I have about sex 🤣

Yeah I wouldn’t and I’ve been pretty loose in my
past. He sounds alright on messages but that’s not hard to do, he can take a few minutes to make sure he is saying the right thing. He could be a total nob in person. Thing is you’ll find it hard to judge because you’ve already invested in him.

Yes I have but it's NEVER turned into a fulfilling sexual interaction! Either it fizzles before we meet or doesn't live up to the hype. I wouldn't do it any more.

@crosstheborderline love your outlook! This was totally a two sided thing and kind of just came about from a week of texting with the odd cheeky comment in. I guess there is always the risk and sad that most people's experiences of actually meeting people involve being disappointed! Maybe I never meet him to keep the fantasy alive as the sex texting was very good haha!