What kind of care is available in the UK?

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My parents moved abroad many years ago. They are now in their 80s and my dad recently had a fall resulting in a brain hemorrhage. He was in hospital for 2 weeks but is at home now again. However, he needs round the clock care. He's become extremely irritable and aggressive. Refuses care or assistance. He's not meant to walk alone as another head injury might be fatal and his balance is terrible yet he insists on walking unaided.

The health care in the country they live in is very good, extremely accessible and reasonably affordable (even if private). When you need a doctor (of any speciality) you can just book an appointment and will be seen often on the same day. Also they can go to the hospital anytime and be admitted with very little waiting time involved. Diagnostic tests and their results are available immediately and on the same day.

Carers are also easily available and affordable and they've got a 24h carer. If necessary a gone nurse could be afforded as well. Further, they have got a cleaner who comes every day and could easily hire a cook.

Still, because of my dad's aggressiveness and to help with organising and decision making my sister has flown there as paid help isn't enough.

Once my sister leaves I don't know how my mum will cope unless my dad fully recovers. Ideally, I'd like them to return to the UK (as soon as he can fly) so I can help out but I don't think dh will be thrilled if they live with us. Either way we will need 24 assistance.

Sorry this is getting so late. Basically my questions are:

My DMiL was in a nursing home for 8 years. She had dementia and doubly incontinent. NHS decided she was not severe enough to be treated by NHS so we paid for her care. In the last 3 years she had not recognised anyone, couldn't speak and couldn't feed herself but was still not deemed "nursing home" material! So we continued to pay.
She died this year, ironically, just before the date the NHS assessors said she'd need "nursing" care so we wouldn't have to pay anymore!

Hospitals aren't for that. He'll only go to hospital if he becomes unwell, i.e. is ill enough with an infection or injured enough to require hospital care until he is back to baseline and can be discharged. In all likelihood, because of his medical history, discharge will be repeatedly delayed. To be discharged, he'll need tobhave carers arranged or to be discharged to a nursing home. Care packages start at 1x 15 min visit a day and can go up to 4x 1hr visits. But care companies will likely refuse to take him on if he is aggressive or violent. So will nursing homes. The end result will be he will be stuck on a ward for months until he can moved to a facility specialising in violent/aggressive cognitively-impaired patients or he gets moved to a locked psychiatric ward at a hospital. I'd look at solutions in India. The UK idea seems a bit pie-in-the-sky. I can understand the desire to be near your parents through all this though.

My aunt is in a dementia ward - £2000/week.

Indian here! With elderly parents. Do NOT move your parents to the UK. You can afford 24/7 care in India (my dad has 3 people round the clock as does my aunt whose daughter is in the UK) and you will be able to get care quickly. Can you afford more help at home for your mum?

Also he might not be eligible for NHS care and I assume he’s a British citizen because otherwise he can only be in the UK for six months at a time. You will pay a lot of money for substandard care. I would hire as much help in India as possible so that all your mum has to do is to supervise them (rather than the actual caring bit).

If your parents are of Indian origin, living in India, I would absolutely not move them back here . You think you would be helping your mum but you are displacing them from their community. If you are thinking of wound the clock care here, then you can certainly afford more help in India. I suggest you get a personal assistant or home manager or housekeeper who can oversee their affairs and manage their care. This would be a better use of your money

24/7 carers are around £6/7 k a month where I live .
We. Had one for my mum last year and burnt though most of her savings !

Stay where they are !

I don't understand how in old age people are expected to pay more than what they would have paid out in repaying a mortgage for their care ............ Definitely worth factoring in when planning for retirement

If you are unfortunate enough to need care the more money you have the longer it will get taken, unless you have millions or die quickly. People without a pot to piss in get their paid for. It seems unfair on people who have worked hard all their lives, but I wouldn't be able to suggest an alternative solution if family couldn't care for them.

@blahblahblah1654 oh absolutely. However I still don't understand how elderly care can cost more than what you have paid in your mortgage. I mean most try to put that off whilst they are still working because that is when they may have the most money.

Because money gives you choice

As @Postoperativenightmare says, money puts you in a far better position than someone relying on state funded care. You can buy in help at home before or to a much greater extent than social services will cover. You can choose your care home rather than being sent to the cheapest one that has space - and there is a vast difference in quality between homes. Once in the home you can pay for extra services such as physio.

It really is worth having money.

But all that costs. A lot. So given the option of staying in a country where all those things are available at much lower prices - and therefore being able to afford more and for longer - I would stay there rather than attempting a very difficult move to the UK.

As an example of state vs self funding, take physio.

My dad (80s, Parkinsons, able to walk with a frame and propel his own wheelchair for a reasonable distance) had sepsis and a long hospital stay. He was discharged back to his care home without even the strength to lift a spoon or sit up in a chair. The NHS provided a 6-week physio rehab package after discharge. This consisted of 1 visit at the start to hand him a standard printed list of exercises he couldn't do, and another visit 6 weeks later (no improvement) to say there was nothing more they could do and sign him off the service.

Fortunately he was able to self fund a marvellous physio who came for an hour twice a week for as long as he needed, took him through specially adapted exercises (and also left instructions so he could do his own practice in between) and gave him back a significant degree of mobility and independence. Not quite back to walking but able to propel his wheelchair around the home, and to stand to move from bed to chair and chair to wheelchair rather than needing to wait for 2 members of staff and a sling hoist. And able to not only feed himself but get his own food from the cupboard. Huge improvement in his quality of life.

24/7 live in carers were charging approx £10,000 per month. I have now got DM in a care home and pay £6000 pm.

Of course care costs more than a mortgage if privately funded as a mortgage is just a that, a mortgage. Care means paying actual people who do this for a job, to provide their income. Then consider that if a person requires 24 hour care, this can't be done by 1 full-time carer, it takes at least 2. If the person needing the 24 hour care is also aggressive or needs a lot of assistance with their mobility you need to calculate for 2 carers at any time, so 4 people to cover full-time care as a minimum.

Then you consider that 2(4) carers can't actually cover 24/7 between them you need even more carers than for an aggressive person needing 24 hour assistance at home.

And that's why care costs more than a mortgage. I'm not saying it's right or fair, I'm just explaining the cost.

I have a relative with a similar situation. After trying carers 4 times a day, paid for themselves, it was too much for other relative to care - aggression and lack of safety. The relative is in a nursing home for people with dementia. House and car had to be sold. When run out fi money, the Government funds this but takes all the relatives state and private pension. Just a small amount a month allowed to be kept. Not enough for things they need.

My grandad pays I think £1100 a week for live in carers. They work in 2 week shifts, they take a 2 hour break every day and you pay for their food whilst they are with you. They do everything for him that he needs and keep the house clean etc.

Actually live in Carer’s do do round the clock, except for a two hour break each day. IF they are not disturbed by night waking. If their client sleeps through for 8 hours or only gets up once or twice it is within the contract offered by most agencies. Costs increase massively if a waking night service is needed.

Live in Carer’s do tend to get down time while the client naps, watches TV etc.