Autism - what would you want to tell people?

[What3words]

I might have a chance at work to do a talk on neurodiversity.

Not my main job at all! I have some ideas but just wondering. If you/your kids are neurodiverse what do you think are the main things you want others to know?!

As the parent of a asd non verbal child I always find these training given at my work to be utterly pointless. All autistic people present differently just like neurotypical people do. I have tourettes and very likely asd (awaiting assessment)
If I had to give a talk, I'd say honesty. There's no such thing as too honest. Don't ask a question if you don't truly want their answer.
Id probably play a clip of everyday life, there's a couple created by autism societies, get everyone to shut their eyes and tell you what they hear. Ask for a few answers. 'Coffee machine', 'people talking', 'music playing' etc then explain for some autistic people they'll hear all those things at once whilst smelling every smell, and it'll be overwhelming.
Meltdowns does not equal naughty, but don't forget if a child has asd, they will usually have meltdowns related to being a child. Help them to differentiate between the two. Identifying triggers.
Not every person has a hyperfixation
We don't use labels anymore (which is very wrong imo) but there's a vast difference between what was considering 'high functioning' and people like my dc who do not understand toileting and cannot communicate
There is very little support. This needs hammering home.
Agree with the previous poster about labels, autistic person, person with autism etc, ask the person. Some people care, some don't. It's up to them.
Routine and structure
Ultimately everyone is different

I was going to say most people prefer autistic than "with autism" and that functioning labels aren't always helpful ("high functioning" person may be struggling, so called "low functioning" person may be happy fucntioning in the right environment with carers etc).

But I am actually scared to somehow slip up and say the wrong thing about something! (The poster that said about invisible illness is now non-visible etc - I didn't know that!)

Really appreciating people's thoughts as to what is important.(this is what I wanted rather than my personal tip 5 tips.)

Definitely say how everyone who is autisitic is different "you've met one..."

I think I'd like to say about the range of sensory differences - hyper and hypo sensitivity, sensory seeking. Not all autisitc people just need headphones and job done. But wouldn't have time to do a whole session on sensory issues (which I would do if I had longer!)

Sorry @What3words that was actually a reply to the PP who was suggesting a 'professional', but the way quotes get stacked that wasn't clear.

Oh meant to say - yes autistic is often preferred and aspergers not given as a diagnosis now but completely go with the person's preferred terminology. Rather a militant in/out.

Is "high care needs" still currently used?

I'm v aware that myself and my family, although struggle lots with executive function/etc etc do not struggle with communication/toileting to the extent many do and wouldn't want to minimise that experience which is so different to mine.

Oh sorry @coldcouture that makes sense! I probably skim read them when I got in last night a bit fast!

This
This
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This

This isn't helpful as it's far too specific but i see I'm not the first to comment on it. I just wish people wouldn't turn all the lights on everywhere they go. They walk into a room and just turn them on, no questions. It's not a preference, i can't see when all the lights are on. Similarly, if the last seat available is facing a window in a sunny day i really may as well not be in the meeting, but i think this must be so hard for others to get.

I think for me many years I was on an autism course and told we are all on a spectrum.

My own D’s has Asd. I think the thing I find easiest to explain is we all might have some of the traits of autism however that does not equate to autism as it doesn’t have the impact on our daily lives the way it does someone with autism .

I would also talk about masking.

Again looking at what can help.

Similarly, that walking right up to me and speaking with constant direct face to face eye contact is so preoccupying that I'll struggle to hear you, and my response is to placate you so that you'll stop talking so that i can think about the problem you're presenting. I don't think while talking with you in this way.

I'm not sure about the "what can help" without being super geneal or specific to me as again were all different aren't we

Clear communication
Awareness of sensory issues (so might be lights/noise but will mention other.)
Awareness that honesty/directness does not = rude.
Not saying "were all a bit autistic!"
Not asking what my superpower is...
Not expecting full eye contact/sitting up straight/etc in school.
Breaks. In meetings etc. (Might be me! I need to fidget and lose track)

I can do a really good "what can help" for schools/kids but my confidence around this is bit different when it's adults!

You're all so brilliant on this thread. Thankyou so much ❤️.

Double empathy idea.

From wikipedia: This theory proposes that many of the difficulties autistic individuals face when socializing with non-autistic individuals are due, in part, to a lack of mutual understanding between the two groups, meaning that most autistic people struggle to understand and empathize with non-autistic people whereas most non-autistic people also struggle to understand and empathize with autistic people.

In other words autistic communication styles aren't necessarily worse than NT ones and both sides benefit from learning about the other.

Ooh thanks yes I did want to include this and that's a v clear explanation!

Eye contact.
I can either have a sensible conversation with you, or make 'normal' eye contact. Not both. I will be hyper fixated on how long to look for, whether I'm glaring at you and I will be noticing every detail of your actual eye. To the exclusion of all else.

Multi-tasking.
If you are playing music and I'm working, expect shit from me. I'm noticing every sound and paying it equal attention.

Bluntness
Sometimes I have no masking 'spoons' left. Or I'm thinking of something else. Normal social politeness is on manual, rather than automatic for me. It's a task. I do it bloody well (so much so it is a part of my job) however I have to give it full focus.

Food.
Is massively important to me. Like 'to the exclusion of all else'. Current fad is texture of mochi/glutinous rice. Previous fads have been one certain flavour of noodle, stir fried vegetables with mayonnaise, fish sticks and taro bubble tea.
Let me eat when I need to. When I become obsessed with it, I am heading for a meltdown. I'm not overweight, btw! Don't know why I need to say that but I have body dysmorphia as a co-morbidity along with dyspraxia and dyscalculia. All the dys! How ...cute? You'd not know any of this if you know me socially.

Good luck with your talk. We need more voices out there.

One explanation I received during my diagnosis that I think it would be helpful if more neurotypical people understood was on the subject of making friends. I can appear to make friends and chat reasonably easy with (one) other (any more and I can get distracted as it is too hard to shift my masking to adjust to multiple different people’s expectations). But unlike NTs (who as my diagnoser explained bond with others over small talk), to make a real connection with another person, I have to bond over an obsessive shared interest first. Once that bond is created, I am then interested in the life details of that person and others (ie small talk with them), but the small talk has to stem from the initial shared interest, not the other way around. It means I can initially come across as disinterested/ superior when, due to my disability, my ND brain is actually physically incapable of clicking with a NT brain in the way they are used to making friends.

Eh no because that would only be a reflection on their experience and not an overall reflection on all the complexities. This is the issue with lived life experiences, only give your lived life experience whither that is as an adult with a NDD, a parent with a child with a NDD sibling etc.

@Giggly - are you neurodiverse?

Are you really telling us that a) NT experts are better qualified about autism than autistic people and b) and that you believe only NT people can be experts?

I follow someone on Twitter whose son has Autism. He once said that his son is an expert on his Autism.

His lived experience is totally different to mine.

Thanks, Infradoug, that is an interesting perspective.

Reasonable adjustments in the work place are not a special privilege or treatment, they are the law to enable anyone with disabilities or different needs to be able to perform their job role at the same base level as their peers.

@What3words could you by any chance link those threads. They sound very interesting.

That each person with autism is different. I have two children with autism and adhd. The youngest has no speech, is violent and aggressive, high anxiety and will never ever be independent (they are 10 and smear their own poo still). Not everyone is a sheldon. The youngest is female. Not all females with autism mask. Autism looks different for each individual.