Autism - what would you want to tell people?

[What3words]

I might have a chance at work to do a talk on neurodiversity.

Not my main job at all! I have some ideas but just wondering. If you/your kids are neurodiverse what do you think are the main things you want others to know?!

You're absolutely right.

I wish people knew more about how sensory difficulties can affect autistic people.

I work with someone who I am pretty sure is autistic.

He is (I would say almost certainly unintentionally) really rude a lot of the time.

But he is fantastic at other aspects of his job. Just not the communication ones.

So I'd say focus on the strengths not the weaknesses.

My autistic DD (and probably autistic DH) are as different as can be from each other and also from the colleague, but it also works for them.

Absolutely this! And how infuriating it is to be told when you are autistic or a parent to a autistic dc that "we're all a bit autistic ".

That it's not enough for companies to pay lip service to ND awareness, that they've got to actively accept it and demonstrate acceptance from providing quiet spaces, adapting communication channels to meet the needs of individuals and get the best out of them. And the biggest one for me, promote ND people to senior positions not just those who play the game best and can blow smoke up arses. Many ND people can't understand the game or won't let themselves compromise their beliefs to play it
The same goes for introverts needing more representation at senior levels.

I'd talk about how by making a few allowances asd people would find the work place much more tolerable.

No superpower chat

Honestly? I would want you to tell your employer this is not your circus. Training in the workplace needs specialist in the field, not an employee who may be ND. It's not enough. It's your employers who need to be taught here, not the employees. I think that needs to be delivered professionally.

I feel zero fellowship /kinship /association with people who are further down the spectrum. I might be autistic but I'm certainly not that sort of autistic and don't want to be considered in the same way.

Sorry to derail slightly but I have had moderate hearing loss since birth and feel very much the same (discriminatory experiences aside, around which I am very much an ally) about Deaf people (capital letter intended) whose first language is BSL/ASL or other sign language. I don’t know sign language and am not part of Deaf culture; I’m a person born with with a sensory loss doing my best to handle mainstream life. The experience of those who lose their hearing as adults is different again.

I think there is a parallel here, with the very important point that we have very different needs across the community. You are a ‘high functioning’ autistic which means that you are functioning within the mainstream, albeit with differences that may cause others to judge you against ‘normal’ standards. Being in the mainstream gives you privileges relative to the rest of your community, if you can mask well enough not to frighten the NTs. At the same time, you don’t necessarily have the protections and allowances given to those with more visible needs. The subtlety and hidden nature of your needs may mean others not taking them seriously or not seeing them at all.

My suggestion would be don’t do it if you really don’t know enough to have to ask strangers on MN what to say. Doesn’t sound like you are the best person to “give a talk on autism “
Perhaps outsource this to someone with professional knowledge so save the many misconceptions and inaccurate information.

OK. I do know a lot about autism, and just to reassure you the setting is appropriate.

My issue is trying to think of what are the top 10-15things that other autistics (not just me) would like people to know, or what people feel are the key things.

I could talk for ages on autism it's more thinking what are the things you'd want to get across if you've only got a short amount of time. I probably could have worded the OP better or just asked that but I wanted to give some background!

I've really appreciated the thoughts.

One poster mentioned Neurowildes post - and I had said one of my earlier posts that she's my absolute hero for information/graphics so was thinking of going there.

I can deliver something just aware it would be "my" buzz topics. And I'm not willing to do a "how it affects me" talk.

My favourite 2 autism threads on here are AutismProfs "ask me anything" and the one about "living with a neurotypical". They are both fantastic and filled with such relevant insight.

It was more what do you thinks important rather than me reeling off info when the time is short.

That publicity and education about autistic spectrum disorder overshadows other neurodivergent disorders - eg: Tourette Syndrome

Firstly what autism is - a triad of impairments. Show a diagram demonstrating this point (google).

secondly how individual and unique it is with each person.

thirdly what some autistic people might struggle with and their coping mechanisms

lastly what others can do

Or an autistic person...

Arthur that was pretty much what I'd thought of (thankyou it really helps) but then tried adding executive function/communication discussion/empathy/sensory issues and the beyond the 5 senses and then realised if it would be too long and wondered if I should do a top 10 things autistic people would like you to know!

@coldcouture I've mentioned a few times I'm autistic... and it's an are of real interest hence able to write pages and pages on it but trying to condense it to key info is hard!

If I was someone in the audience I would prefer to hear your experience of the challenges you faced in the workplace, how you have had to compensate and how your condition helps you in ways others may not have thought of. That way, you cannot offend anyone because it is your experience. And it makes people think about the way they work with and interact with ND colleagues.

The company I worked for had a neurodiversity presentation by 2 employees and an outsider speaker talking about their different experiences. It was very well attended and positively received.

A few posters mentioned the terminology and militancy. I get it it is irritating to people who are NDs to be labelled as 'special' or 'inspirational' but try not to have 3 whole slides on it like the last ND talk I attended. Who knew there is a difference between saying that a disability is 'invisible' (bad) v. a disability that is 'non-visible' (ok) and that if a NT inadvertently said the wrong thing they should 'own it and apologise'. I have to say that talk put me off even interacting because it was like a vocabulary minefield designed to trip up NTs and lecture us on how society is set up wrong. That presentation left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

I am owning the fact I am probably a snowflake.

That when someone's overwhelmed to the point of meltdown, they can't "just snap out of it" or "stop making a fuss." And no, it's not "just a tantrum."

@blueshoes I fear that the militancy comment may have been due to me as I am a bit grumpy over language.

What I'm grumpy about it being told how to define myself and what words I can use. I'm generally unbothered about what words other people want to use as it's their prerogative to choose terms.

I certainly wouldn't want people apologising to me over words.

I liked your bit about 'who knew x' because that's so familiar to me. To be told that something is now not acceptable as things were redefined while I wasn't paying attention.

What really bugs me at the moment is it all being lumped into a general ND group and this NT/ND split being created as if we're now two separate societies who need professional mediators and self appointed explainers to bridge the gap.

For 20 years I've managed to get away with 'Oh that's Chad. He likes working in a quiet dark room and doesn't make eye contact. Yep. He's one of our nerds and if you just let him be then he gets on with it. Sometimes he is a bit blunt but call him out on it and he will probably poorly apologise'

Now I have HR asking about making 'accommodations' and 'raising awareness' and even worse 'celebrating our differences'

I have used language as a starting point as it opens up discussion and gives people something concrete to take away.
So don't use 'person with autism ' because.... Don't use functioning labels because (low functioning denies agency, high functioning denies support). Don't use 'autism parent ' because.... Etc. It shows how it's not just being politically correct, it really matters.
Also 'intense world theory ' is a good opener for sensory stuff, and helps them to remember.

I think that's an important one. My middle DC especially could come off as lacking empathy, he's anything but.

I was thinking about reasonable adjustments aren't special treatment and not to assume that something your colleague gets to do/not do is special treatment. I saw a thread on here where someone was saying it was unfair one colleague didnt have to do presentations, because lots of people hate them and some people pointed out that could be a reasonable adjustment for something like anxiety and the OP had never considered that. They did later go on to say that the collegue contributed lots in other ways and I think they got to acknowledge that more because they'd considered things from a different view point. I think if people could give each other a little grace and not assume someone's getting special treatment because you never really know what's going on in someone's life.

And I would say respecting how the individual wants to be referred to would be a key factor, not dictating how language should be used.

Lots of people are happy to be 'with' or 'have' autism. Others prefer 'autistic' - it is up to them.

@nasanas Apologies, I should have said that this would be part of the discussion! Or phrased it as 'most autistic people prefer xxx and this is why'.

As a parent to a ND teen, I found this video extremely helpful in understanding processing time etc. it is very short but impactful.

Good luck with
Your talk!! This comment is really interesting to me as my son is currently going through an autism and adhd assessment. When I have mentioned this to family and friends this has been said by them. I find it minimises some of the difficulties my son faces but am never really sure how to respond.