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Original poster

What's your most embarrassing moment?

34 replies

Asdaembarrassment · 13/07/2023 12:37

Because I bet it can't beat mine. Good god I want to shrivel up and die. Was in Asda with DH last night. For reference we have a very casual and schoolboy way of talking to each other. A lot of our humour is trying to shock the other one into laughter by saying OTT things. I offer this in slight defence while accepting that I am very immature and have brought this entirely on myself, a 48 year old mother who should know better.

Anyway we were in bakery products. DH was choosing bagels and I wandered away to look at birthday cakes for DD. For context I have been having some digestive issues. I have been, if you'll forgive me, gassy as hell. Not that I fart in public but I was feeling bloated and like I needed to. So anyway, with this in mind and because I wanted to make DH laugh by saying something childish and gross (and again, I know this not a dignified trait so no need to tell me what a wronger I am) -- so when I rejoined him further down the aisle I walked up behind him, stood on tiptoes and loudly whispered in his ear 'I think you're going to need you to do the Heimlich on my arse'.

And it wasn't DH. It was another man in a navy top and jeans. Who looked round at me with a very surprised look on his face. DH had gone round the corner into biscuits. And I, an outwardly respectable middle aged woman, had just - without preamble or context - invited a complete fucking stranger to violently compress my bottom. And I didn't explain any of this because how could I begin to explain any of this, I just felt faint with shame and scuttled off. Oh my god. I am never going in that shop again.

OP posts:
tiredandexhausted4 · 13/07/2023 12:41

I’m having a down day and this made me laugh so thank you very much.

one of my embarrassing moments was seeing who I thought was a good friend at the front of the bus and I thought it would be funny if I yanked her ponytail (not hard but yes I know childish blah blah) when I said hello.

it was not my friend. I was absolutely mortified.

Kimchikitchen · 13/07/2023 12:44

I usually 🙄 at these kind of threads

but this? This made me laugh!

Original poster
Asdaembarrassment · 13/07/2023 12:57

Sorry that I mangled my original post. What I said to the poor man was of course 'I think I'm going to need you to do the Heimlich on my arse'.

OP posts:
Pawpatrolsucks · 13/07/2023 13:19

I’m so sorry I just laughed at that. Please never change. You sound hilarious.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 13/07/2023 13:23



ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 13/07/2023 13:24

Oh my god that's so funny! I'm in the office and nearly had to leave my desk as I was laughing so much!

nasanas · 13/07/2023 13:26

Kimchikitchen · 13/07/2023 12:44

I usually 🙄 at these kind of threads

but this? This made me laugh!

I was honestly prepared to eye roll but laughed (out loud in public, alone) so well done OP Star

My worst has to be the time we were swimming and I had a weird cut costume which gaped in the middle and stood up after jumping in the pool exposed my left tit to everyone at the local leisure centre. I'm still mortified over 30 years later.

tillytoodles1 · 13/07/2023 13:41

My sister is really shy about not being fully dressed in front of people and we tease her about wearing a long t-shirt over a swimsuit etc. I'm always saying she must be a bloke really.
We were shopping one day and she went into a cubicle, so I crept over and told her I could see her willy. She emerged from a cubicle further up and I was so shocked that I'd been talking to a stranger, I ran outside.

IBroughtTheBunny · 13/07/2023 13:42

I worked at an ice cream parlour when I was 18 and a customer came in and asked for a milkshake. No problem. I get all the ingredients out and as I lift the milk to pour into the blender, she says “oh stop, I want green milk”
I turn, milk in hand, I look at her, look at the milk, look back at her and say “it only comes in white?”
And she says “I mean semi skimmed?”

ShinyBandana · 13/07/2023 13:52

I was on the top table at an intensely formal dinner dance thing and there were about 500 people at tables in front of me, facing us, listening to the speeches. I happened to glance down and my thought processes were so slow ….. why is that woman hissing at me?…. what’s that pink thing there?

yep the pink thing was my nipple and it was proudly pointing out of the centre of my naked right breast at 500 strangers.

the strap on my dress had slipped down off my shoulder and the whole right front had folded over. I hadn’t noticed as I had a wrap around my shoulders/arms.

the hissing woman later told me she was worried I’d dip my tit in the soup

Blondey2023 · 13/07/2023 13:56

@Asdaembarrassment this really tickled me, thank you for the giggle!

MoltenLasagne · 13/07/2023 13:57

Took a summer job in Switzerland as a young adult to improve my language skills. I didn't know anyone there and lived alone and a lovely lady at work took pity on me and invited me to tea with her family.

Got to her house, introduced to her husband and kids and go to do the traditional cheek kissing. Except in Switzerland it's not two kisses, it's three, which I kept forgetting.

I managed to mistime the third kiss in such a way that I kissed her husband directly on the mouth. I was too embarrassed to play it down well and spent the entire dinner trying to make conversation and replaying the moment in my head and blushing bright red.

It was so awkward and I was just trying to get through my meal and leave. Of course then we had to do the kisses again and he said "three kisses... on the cheek only" and counted each kiss. I think it was a cultural communication clash and he was trying to make light of it but god I just wanted the ground to swallow me up!

the80sweregreat · 13/07/2023 13:58

tillytoodles1 · 13/07/2023 13:41

My sister is really shy about not being fully dressed in front of people and we tease her about wearing a long t-shirt over a swimsuit etc. I'm always saying she must be a bloke really.
We were shopping one day and she went into a cubicle, so I crept over and told her I could see her willy. She emerged from a cubicle further up and I was so shocked that I'd been talking to a stranger, I ran outside.

😂

MoltenLasagne · 13/07/2023 13:59

ShinyBandana · 13/07/2023 13:52

I was on the top table at an intensely formal dinner dance thing and there were about 500 people at tables in front of me, facing us, listening to the speeches. I happened to glance down and my thought processes were so slow ….. why is that woman hissing at me?…. what’s that pink thing there?

yep the pink thing was my nipple and it was proudly pointing out of the centre of my naked right breast at 500 strangers.

the strap on my dress had slipped down off my shoulder and the whole right front had folded over. I hadn’t noticed as I had a wrap around my shoulders/arms.

the hissing woman later told me she was worried I’d dip my tit in the soup

This is worse than the dream where you're at work and realise you're in you pyjamas!

Original poster
Asdaembarrassment · 13/07/2023 14:08

Lol at 'what's that pink thing?'. Although I suppose if you had dipped your tit in your soup it would at least have alerted you to your nudity.

OP posts:
DoraSpenlow · 13/07/2023 14:08

We were on a cruise. As many cruisers know, the cabin steward on many ships leave a chocolate on your pillow when they turn the bed down at night. Now usually I eat the chocolate while getting ready for bed. On one occasion I obviously didn't for some reason. Woke up the next morning and the bed on my side was covered in brown stuff. Found said chocolate stuck to the bottom of my foot but it Was everywhere. Was so embarrassed, you can imagine what it looked like. Went and found our steward and explained what had happened. He just laughed and said it happens all the time. So, so embarrassing.

Wiccan · 13/07/2023 14:20

OP that is so hilarious. Me and my hubby have a similar relationship borderline adolescent. I don't think I can top that but

When I was 24 I was heading home from work walking across the really busy shopping centre and the elastic went in my knickers which pretty much consisted of one triangle and elastic. I was wearing a long fairly flared skirt and those knickers were heading downwards and nothing I could do was gonna stop them . So I simply walked out of them and kept going I didn't stop hyperventilating until I got home .

User9753224 · 13/07/2023 14:24

We were saying goodbye to friends at the door I assumed the guy in front of me was my husband, I put my hands in his front Jean pockets and lent against him.. wasn’t my husband it was my friends husband who’d been lurking at the front door 😱😂

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 13/07/2023 14:32

Whilst coming back from the toilets at my favourite restaurant I managed to slip and land between two tables flat on my arse. I really didnt want to emerge from between the tables because everyone had turned around and was looking at me. Mortified, and i had only had one drink. It was so embarrassing, I haven’t been back in years!

Tidsleytiddy · 13/07/2023 14:37

tillytoodles1 · 13/07/2023 13:41

My sister is really shy about not being fully dressed in front of people and we tease her about wearing a long t-shirt over a swimsuit etc. I'm always saying she must be a bloke really.
We were shopping one day and she went into a cubicle, so I crept over and told her I could see her willy. She emerged from a cubicle further up and I was so shocked that I'd been talking to a stranger, I ran outside.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

WonkyFeelings · 13/07/2023 14:41

IBroughtTheBunny · 13/07/2023 13:42

I worked at an ice cream parlour when I was 18 and a customer came in and asked for a milkshake. No problem. I get all the ingredients out and as I lift the milk to pour into the blender, she says “oh stop, I want green milk”
I turn, milk in hand, I look at her, look at the milk, look back at her and say “it only comes in white?”
And she says “I mean semi skimmed?”

I’m dying at this and want to hug poor 18 year old you 😂

Kimchikitchen · 13/07/2023 14:48

Funny but also kind of sad when I recall that time of my life….

I was early twenties and in grip of anorexia but trying to keep it on the lowdown from friends (failing)

it was my birthday and they made me a beautiful birthday cake and presented to me at the end of dinner, which had been a real struggle for me.

So I said that I’d love to not cut it but instead take it back for when my family arrives the next day. Rude with insight but that’s anorexia.

anyway off I went with my cake and no intention of eating it. I got in my and shoved/squashed/Mangled it in to my glovebox.

Drove homeand forgot about it. A week later, I picked up aforementioned friends for a cinema trip. Friend in front passenger opened glove box to put book she’d brought me to read. And there… the mangled rotting homemade birthday cake they’d made (which I said had been utterly divine)

the horror when I think about it

Such good friends though. No judgement. Just real concern.

Twotwinpeaks · 13/07/2023 15:03

I was on holiday with DH, kids and my Mum and Stepdad. We were in a static caravan.

DH went into the tiny caravan toilet whilst I was washing up at the sink. Mum and SD we’re outside on the grass looking after the kids.

I decided to surprise DH as he stepped out of the toilet with a sexy dance as I gyrated up and down grabbing my breasts seductively. I may have put one finger in my mouth for added impact. I thought DH would find this hilarious.

He didn’t. Because HE was outside on the grass looking after the kids with my Mum. It was my Step Dad who’d gone into the toilet.

I still cringe.

Original poster
Asdaembarrassment · 13/07/2023 15:30

@Twotwinpeaks oh nooooooooo! How did your stepdad react?

OP posts:
GiveOverRover · 13/07/2023 15:43

I was at the playpark with the kids on a summer day, we had loads of bags for picnicking etc. I was walking down a very steep grassy slope after one of them, bags/rug/water bottles/football in both arms. At the bottom of the grassy steep slope was a massive sandpit, full of children, parents watching on.

I missed my footing and slipped and inverted myself, did a loud Whoop as I wobbled drawing extra unwanted attention and slid, head first down the last few feet of the slope upside down, headfirst into the sandpit, face in the sand, arms pinned by the heavy bags, legs in the air.

I was wearing a dress with a full skirt, and I never wear a dress. I needed help from my friend who was nearly wetting herself who came over when she heard the noise and wondered what everyone was staring at. I stood up and looked round, hair and face full of sand, and there were about a hundred people staring at me that had just spent a good few seconds staring at my knickers.

Dire.