What's your most embarrassing moment?

[Asdaembarrassment]

Because I bet it can't beat mine. Good god I want to shrivel up and die. Was in Asda with DH last night. For reference we have a very casual and schoolboy way of talking to each other. A lot of our humour is trying to shock the other one into laughter by saying OTT things. I offer this in slight defence while accepting that I am very immature and have brought this entirely on myself, a 48 year old mother who should know better.

Anyway we were in bakery products. DH was choosing bagels and I wandered away to look at birthday cakes for DD. For context I have been having some digestive issues. I have been, if you'll forgive me, gassy as hell. Not that I fart in public but I was feeling bloated and like I needed to. So anyway, with this in mind and because I wanted to make DH laugh by saying something childish and gross (and again, I know this not a dignified trait so no need to tell me what a wronger I am) -- so when I rejoined him further down the aisle I walked up behind him, stood on tiptoes and loudly whispered in his ear 'I think you're going to need you to do the Heimlich on my arse'.

And it wasn't DH. It was another man in a navy top and jeans. Who looked round at me with a very surprised look on his face. DH had gone round the corner into biscuits. And I, an outwardly respectable middle aged woman, had just - without preamble or context - invited a complete fucking stranger to violently compress my bottom. And I didn't explain any of this because how could I begin to explain any of this, I just felt faint with shame and scuttled off. Oh my god. I am never going in that shop again.

We ordered a Chinese take away while at my parents house, knock on the door and I open it with money on hand (Chinese man standing there) and I go to give him that money but then notice he doesn't have any food. We look at each other for a second and then he says "oh I'm from house no x and I've been burgled so I'm just letting the neighbours know to be aware" I shout out "muuuuummm" like a teenager and slowly back away to hide of shame, the food arrived 5 minutes later 😂🙈

My most embarrassing moment was when I lived at our old house and we'd just had a lovely couple move in next door to us and I was having a neighbourly chat over the back fence and I had my brand new 6 week old kitten in my arms.
It was my first ever time of talking to them and I began suddenly feeling desperate for the toilet but couldn't just break off and leave the conversation, so I thought if I sat on the low wall in our garden, I could be a bit more comfortable but as I sat, the most gutteral, long, loud, vibrating fart escaped and it certainly wasn't one of those where you could pretend you had a squeaky shoe or it was a loose board making a funny noise - it was so obviously a disgustingly loud man-fart!

I froze, they froze and I remember the excruciating seconds of silence that seemed a lot longer, as I kept glancing at this tiny sleeping kitten in my arms and wondering if I could blame it on him but I quickly realised that even an elephant couldn't have farted that loud, never mind a palm-sized sleeping kitten.

I just looked up at the new neighbours, whispered in a mortified voice "I am so sorry. I wasn't expecting that" and thankfully they laughed but I still shot inside as quick as I could.

As it turned out, they were great neighbours and we were sad to move away from them, when we moved.

That is hilarious OP! 🤣

Years ago my daughter and I parked up at the supermarket whilst my wife popped in quickly to get a couple of items. We sat and watched her come out, get into an identical car in the rear seat with her bags and off it drove. It took over ten minutes to return. Apparently the driver assumed it was his wife and my wife was busy checking her phone.

You are going to have to leave the country OP. 😂😂😂

Omg that's brilliant! Especially the bit where you considered blaming the kitten!

A few years ago,my dp asked if I'd mind ordering some rucksacks for his dd's as I have an ebay account and he doesn't

Order done-i forgot all about it

A few days later,dp said he was popping out to see a friend and would be back in about an hour-would I let him back in as he was going on his pushbike rather than driving

I started to feel rather fruity and 55 minutes later the doorbell went

I opened the door,draped myself on the doorframe (but didn't look up) and said in my best sexy voice 'fancy a shag lover boy?'

I was horrified to hear 'no thanks love,here's your parcels'

Yep,was the evri bloke,who ran down our path and was gone before I had chance to blink

10 minutes later,dp showed up and thought it was hilarious

Me not so much-and our evri bloke still looks at me Oddly if he sees me

All the posters on here can take comfort that you weren't this poor girl.

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/tinder-poo-story-goes-viral-girl-gets-stuck-bathroom-date-104158182.html

At a fireworks display with my DH and some friends. The fireworks were going off loudly, accompanied by the William Tell Overture.
Never the best at whispering anyway, I jokingly said to DH, under the cover of all the noise, "I could ride you to this music." As I was saying it, there was a lull in both the fireworks and music, everyone around heard and I just heard this stranger, a woman, absolutely pissing herself laughing at me.
Embarrassing, but it still makes me laugh.