How long can we share a room with our DD? Can’t afford to move

[tiredandexhausted4]

I’m really stressed. We live in a one bed flat with our 13 month old. We cannot afford a bigger place, rents have become extortionate, cost of living with everything gone up, bills have gone up and looking outside and commuting in the difference with rent and extra travel means it doesnt make much difference and also our quality of life would go down.

where we live is small but we have everything we want on our doorstep such as parks, near to sea, town centre which is great for taking little one out.

DH doesnt drive which is a factor for not being able to move further and can’t afford lessons and an extra car anyway. I have a car but paid for it outright years ago and is fuel efficient and have low insurance etc so isn’t a drain on money atm.

I’m left with £200 disposable after bills/paying off debt and food due to nursery costs cutting into my disposable, DH not left with much either so saving anything leaves us with nothing.

I work near enough full time in public sector which pays crap for what I do; but I’m really tired and don’t think I could cope with a job change at the moment and they’re very flexible so works with childcare.

DD is in our room for now, which is fine but I really want to give her her own room. How long is it acceptable for her to stay in our room in her cot? I feel so guilty, down and embarrassed I can’t provide more.

Sharing a room isn't an issue, at least for several years, especially with previous suggestions. However, debt is a big issue and you need to throw all your effort at getting rid of that asap. Then you'll be in a far better position to move or make life far easier when it's actually necessary.

Both of my children have their own lovingly decorated rooms, full of their special toys and books etc, and they still (at 6 and 8) choose to sleep in my room every night. Kids actually like to be near their parents! I honestly wouldn’t worry about her wanting her own space until she’s at least 5.

I co sleep with my 3 year old. She’s not ready to move into her own room. She refuses to even play in it during the day. She’s just not at that stage yet and still gets severe separation anxiety, probably because I work full time and she doesn’t see me much during the day. I know your reasons are different, but there’s nothing wrong with you co-sleeping for a few years yet.

My first DC went into his own room at 6 months, he was a very unsettled sleeper and I was in and out of his room constantly. My second DC is in with us still at 12 months as the second bedroom isn't big enough for both children and she's a very settled baby. I think if they had the choice they would choose mum and dads room any day! If it was my choice she would have her own room but she seems to love being with us xx

Also at some point in the future when circumstances are different you might have more financial freedom/ more energy to look for something else or join the housing list, but for now just Chuck that guilt away and let yourself rest. You're still in the thick of the baby stage and it doesn't leave much energy for anything else x

Ten years old is the answer. And only because there would be an opposite sex relative in the room.

Loads of babies stay in with their parents for years. It's a halfway between the big family bed and banishing them elsewhere. And those who do go down in their own room often end up with mum and dad in the middle of the night anyway.

It won't be a problem for years. We had DC1 in our room until she was 4.5 yrs, when we finally moved we had DC1 in her cot bed, DC2 in a cot and our king size bed all in a small bedroom in our 1 bed flat. It was quite a lovely time - I liked to hear the dcs breathe through the night, we'd have bedtime stories snuggled up on our bed and played games on our bed. We finally moved this year to a big 4 bed house, and I think it was about time, but I do miss those early years. We still have DC2 in a cot in our room and she's 14m - don't plan to move her until she sleeps more reliably through.

Don't feel bad. We rearranged our 1 bed flat to give DD a nursery. We turned the living room into our bedroom.

And she co slept til she was 3. So total waste as we were too sleep deprived for years to think to move back in!

Just make a corner for her with some toys & books on a shelf above her cot & get a toddler bed which will last a few years. Can you buy a partition or use Kallax from ikea as a room divider?

DS2 shared with me (lone parent) until his big brother moved to Uni. He was 8 and even then he had to come back in when DS1 was home for the holidays.
It was fine. It's a large room, he had a child bed and some shelves of his own.

He's 14 now and a horribly normal teenager. He doesn't ever mention it. It was what it was and he is loved and cared for.

I have a 5 year old and a 18 month old, they both have thier own rooms and guess what, the 18 month has his cot in our room and the 5 year old has a kids bed in our room too. They both prefer to sleep with us in our room, so I really wouldn't worry about it. Ideally, you'd like her to have her own room, but she really doesn't need it, given that she is 13 months old. The most important thing is that you are providing for her and she is safe and happy.

I would say the majority of parents I have known still had 13 months in their rooms, even if they had (many) spare rooms to move.

I reckon around 4-5 years is when she’d want her own room. A baby / toddler wants to be in with you. She wouldn’t want a room of her own.

We're similar to this. Our just turned 2yo dc2 is still in our room. We're going to get her into her own room over the next 6 months to a year but it's been our choice to do it this way and it's been really comforting for both us and her. No rush.

My tiny baby is now a whopping star fish 7 year old who has a choice of 2 other bedrooms but prefers to sleep in with me. I’m absolutely fine with that. He will go when he wants. I’ll miss him when he does.

Lots of kids don’t go into their own room yet. We had our toddler in with us until well over 2 simply because we wanted to.

Probably would have done longer if we didn’t have another baby.

Years ago, my ex and I slept on a sofa bed in the living room, and our daughter had our bedroom.

That might be an option - no ideal but doable.

My friends six year old has a similar set up and she found a cabin bed with a little curtain rail gave the same space and privacy.
My son has his own room but sleeps with me every night.

Don't worry about it too much at this stage.

Get yourself on the housing association list. You'll be classed as overcrowded when your DD is a bit older. It might take a while for you to get somewhere, I don't know what it's like in your area but it's worth registering at least.

She isn’t overcrowded, though, and will never be classed as such. There are two rooms- living room and bedroom. Living rooms count as bedrooms.