How long can we share a room with our DD? Can’t afford to move

[tiredandexhausted4]

I’m really stressed. We live in a one bed flat with our 13 month old. We cannot afford a bigger place, rents have become extortionate, cost of living with everything gone up, bills have gone up and looking outside and commuting in the difference with rent and extra travel means it doesnt make much difference and also our quality of life would go down.

where we live is small but we have everything we want on our doorstep such as parks, near to sea, town centre which is great for taking little one out.

DH doesnt drive which is a factor for not being able to move further and can’t afford lessons and an extra car anyway. I have a car but paid for it outright years ago and is fuel efficient and have low insurance etc so isn’t a drain on money atm.

I’m left with £200 disposable after bills/paying off debt and food due to nursery costs cutting into my disposable, DH not left with much either so saving anything leaves us with nothing.

I work near enough full time in public sector which pays crap for what I do; but I’m really tired and don’t think I could cope with a job change at the moment and they’re very flexible so works with childcare.

DD is in our room for now, which is fine but I really want to give her her own room. How long is it acceptable for her to stay in our room in her cot? I feel so guilty, down and embarrassed I can’t provide more.

I know 3 people who have shared a room with their child until they were around 5. I wouldn't worry about it at all. If it bothers you then maybe you could sleep downstairs? Or get a room divider?

This op. Our 16mo wakes up in her room next door about midnight every night, realises she is in her cot, and screams until we bring her into bed with us. Sharing your room is exactly what your baby wants. It might not feel ideal to you all the time, but you are not letting your baby down in any way- quite the opposite. Try and save a little if you can, and lean in- enjoy the location and convenience, and know you are giving your baby exactly what they want.

My eldest was 8 before she wanted her own room. My current 8 year old is showing no signs of wanting his own room. As long as you can fit a bed for her eventually you're good for a few years.

YET is the relevant word here @tiredandexhausted4

She'll have her own room one day but not just yet and you don't need to worry about that. You won't always have these high nursery costs and it's not a good time anyway to increase your costs at the moment. She's fine, you're doing ok.

I've a 20 month old who's still in his cot in our room. We have a room for him but he won't go in there until he moves to a bed. I'm definitely in no rush to move him. My grandmother raised 8 kids in a 3 bed house. Smallies always stayed in with parents far longer back then . No harm in it at all

As long as you want. DD will be fine, it’s more that if she gets poorly or sleeps badly then she will have the both of you up. I would make sure your sofa converts into a bed and keep a spare duvet just in case.

I think I shared with my parents until I was 6. They had a 3 bed house and 7 kids. I got the box room when my eldest brother got married, I had a single bed in their room, luckily it was a big room. I don't really remember much about it.

Her sharing your room is fine. Shes probably happier in there anyway!

As a side note though... do a benefits check, so if you're entitled to any help with housing or childcare costs.

Exact same here! DS’s bedroom is mainly used by the dog who enjoys the rug and goes in for some peace and quiet!

Although we did have enough rooms, my first son slept on a camp bed next to our bed until he was 6.

DS shared with us until he was just shy of 5.

It was fine.

There were nice things about it for all of us. I don't regret it.

It wasn't ideal but it wasn't dreadful either.

I think lots of people (us included) regularly co-slept with children until 3-4. I have friends who can't afford to build their hoped for extension yet and are currently sharing a room with their 8 year old. It's really only an issue if your child starts asking for their own room or neither of you can sleep properly altogether.

My parents slept in the living room and my sister and I shared a small bedroom until I was 12. This was in the 80s and was pretty common

My old next door neighbour had her 8 year old in the bedroom with them. You do what you can with what you have/can afford. As PPs have said, you're providing a warm, safe place for her to live, that's enough for now

Mine is nearly 7yrs old and only just wanting to sleep in his own room. I was 9 when I moved out of my parents. Honestly its absolutely fine.

Someone bought our lovely57sqm 1 bed 50% shared ownership in Crouch End years ago - and this couple had a 4 year old- they intended to have a top quality double sofa bed in good sized lounge for them and give the child the nice and quite large double bedroom

My DS had his own room but until he was about 4 he would always want to be in with me.

My friend is from overseas and she had really fond memories of her siblings and cousins just sleeping on mats in the lounge.

You are doing brilliantly!

She s fine
As long as it takes
Make her a little bed section in living room or you sleep on sofa bed
When she is older eg 6 or 7 you can build a high bed /loft bed

You marred put all money in one pot childcare goes out of combined pot

We provided dd with her own room when she was 14 months. We were in the process of moving from the time she was born until that point. She preferred our room and we were happy for her to stay for quite some time. It was a very slow process transitioning her to her own room. She didn’t move in full time until I think around 8. I’m not sure exactly as it was gradual. She was there quite a bit around age 5. She had a small bed of her own in our room starting around age 3.

Mine had.
A room but mostly slept with me until .in aside car cot

Until 3 is

Dd2 chose to sleep with us until she was 7. It's really not an issue. Once school looms perhaps review the situation but as a little one don't worry

Each of my children has slept in my room until they were 3 years or older. Their choice and mine. We have enough bedrooms for everyone to have their own room, and they were each offered to share with a sibling or have their own room, but each didn't take that choice until 3+ years. They're really independent kids now.

Don't stress about it. Your child will be happy to be sleeping near you.

Completely fine for her to share with you for years. I have friends with a six-year-old who live in a studio flat -just one main room.

Please don't feel guilty! Money is tight for so many people and public sector work is badly paid and it is very hard to neatly segway into a high paid private sector job either!

Anyway, you aren't failing her. You are working more or less ft and I assume your dh is too. Housing is just extortionate ATM.

I'd plan to move into the living room and give your dd your room (or the other way round) in a year or so.