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Original poster

Child maintenance

16 replies

K88 · 13/07/2023 10:52

Me and my ex have been split now for a couple of months. I have just sorted out arrangements with cms.

I have asked him for money this month to pay for things towards our 9 month baby as I am really struggling.

He has said yes but he wants me to pay the money back?

What would you do if you were in this position?

OP posts:

Tiredjoanna · 13/07/2023 10:55

I'd tell him to get lost. The baby is his too so why wouldn't he want to help pay for things? Don't understand the mindset of I'll only pay when agreement starts😠

Original poster

K88 · 13/07/2023 10:59

The cms says it will take up to six weeks to actually start getting any money so I don't have any other option to ask him. At the same I can't afford to pay him the money back.
If I say I can't pay him back then I don't think he will give me the money.

OP posts:

ArcticSkewer · 13/07/2023 11:02

Give him the baby to look after til the cms starts

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Tiredjoanna · 13/07/2023 11:04

I'd tell him that if he gets a six week break then for 6 weeks in future he can pay extra to give u a spending break. Wonder how fair he'd think that is🤔

Original poster

K88 · 13/07/2023 11:06

He is 70 miles away from me. I don't drive so he would have to pick her up and he wouldn't do that

OP posts:

noglow · 13/07/2023 11:09

Laugh in his face and tough it out as much as I could until CMS kicked in

Original poster

K88 · 13/07/2023 11:10

I've had to go through cms because he wasn't bothered about giving any money for the baby.
This is all a control tactic. He gets off on the fact that I have had to ask for money

OP posts:

Original poster

K88 · 13/07/2023 11:19

I was thinking I may just have to bite my pride and go to a food bank, but I still need money for gas and electric so I just don't know what to do. I haven't eaten for two days because I can only afford to feed my baby.

Next month I should be OK, just skint because I left the relationship.

OP posts:

Dontknowwhatimdoing1983 · 13/07/2023 11:22

I’m not entirely sure how it works but I think if you get universal credits you can ask for an advance that would be taken from future payments so would be paid back once you start getting maintenance.

noglow · 13/07/2023 11:23

K88 · 13/07/2023 11:19

Next month I should be OK, just skint because I left the relationship.

Just get to the food bank.

MNHQ

LilyMumsnet · 13/07/2023 11:29

We're so sorry that you're having a difficult time at the moment. We're just getting in touch to share some resources with you.

We've compiled some useful links posted by Mumsnetters into a financial issues webguide, so that people experiencing difficulties can find all the relevant information in one place - we hope that it's useful for you.

Mumsnet's financial guide - homelessness, bills, food and more | Mumsnet

Facing financial issues with the rising cost of living? Find helpful tips, advice, and support from real Mumsnetters on everything from bill costs, food, homelessness, and the support groups available.

https://www.mumsnet.com/articles/financial-issues-guide

Original poster

K88 · 13/07/2023 11:34

Thank very much I will look into it now.

OP posts:

BibbleandSqwauk · 13/07/2023 12:22

Is there anyone else you could ask to tide you over? To be honest, it doesn't sound like someone who is going to willingly and reliably pay CM so I'd be looking for a longer term solution also...get onto the internet and check what you are entitled to in UC etc. It absolutely shouldn't be the case that you get advised not to rely on cm, of course you ought to be able to, but it's not the reality and probably won't amount to much anyway unless your ex is v high earner.

Readyplayerthr33 · 13/07/2023 12:26

It will take a few weeks for CMS to actually get the calculations done and send him the payment schedule, but they will back date to when you opened the case. So, even though he won’t be paying for a few weeks, these weeks will still be included in the calculation so he will pay for them.

That’ll be why he wants the money back from you, as he sees it as an advance you need to return once you get the actual payments. Because he is an arsehole who won’t give a little extra for this kid. What a dickhead.

Use any other route you can. Grey rock this guy. Don’t give him any power over you, don’t go to him for anything. Don’t let him control you.

carleyemma91 · 13/07/2023 12:28

Have you heard of the Household Support Fund? It's via your local council, if you google this and your local council it should give you information on eligibility and how to apply. From what I'm aware it's availability it's dependent on the council having money left over from that particular budget.

Namechangedforthis2244 · 13/07/2023 12:33

I’d take the money and agree to pay it back - your baby needs her dad to be supporting her.

Once the cms claim comes through you’ll know how much you’re getting each week, how much is backdated and whether you’re due any as a lump sum.

Then make a decision about repayments once you have all the facts…

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