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Original poster

Should we move back in with my parents?

30 replies

Rubylu · 12/07/2023 07:21

It’s no shock to everyone that times are really tough atm and they’re only going to get harder.. I’m 6 months pregnant and due in October and me and my partner currently rent a 2 bed flat at £800 a month, with bills we pay about £1400 a month… obviously I will be going on maternity which means majority if not all of the bills will then fall on my partner. He is self employed so if we go on holiday or he has any time off he obviously doesn’t get paid. We have tried to buy a house as I do have a good deposit saved but with the interest rates at the moment it’s just not possible. I feel like if we stay renting we are just never going to get out of the cycle.

I do feel very stuck as it would be lovely to have a house when the baby is here, also in the summer the flat is like a greenhouse I don’t even think a baby would be able to cope in here… my parents have offered for us to move back in with them, the only thing is that it is just one room as their house isn’t very big. We have the flat until Christmas so baby would be about 2 months old if we were to move back in, which I think would be nice as we still get those first special weeks just us three.

We get on extremely well with my parents, I pop round there everyday after work anyway, If my partner is free he also will come round just to sit with them and while I am off on maternity I will be with my mom for most of the time anyway.

My partner is all for it as it means he will be able to save about £1500 a month to put towards a better house deposit hopefully when the mortgage rates have gone down and it also means I will be able to keep all of my maternity pay rather than worrying about bills. It wouldn’t be a permanent thing maybe only 6 months to a year but I’m just so worried about the loss of freedom. Is anyone in the same boat or just has some simple advice?

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 12/07/2023 07:25

In theory it may sound good but are you going to have this 'its my baby and I will do want I want' thing, It may sound good that your parents have offered but will you all get sick of it, especially your parents when the baby is around ?

miniegg3 · 12/07/2023 07:32

Honestly, I think if you're having a baby together you should be standing on your own 2 feet. But that's just my opinion

Lentilweaver · 12/07/2023 07:33

Don't. Time to make your own life. Millions of babies grow up in flats!

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WandaWonder · 12/07/2023 07:34

miniegg3 · 12/07/2023 07:32

Honestly, I think if you're having a baby together you should be standing on your own 2 feet. But that's just my opinion

Yes, sure you are pregnant now but if times are that tough wouldn't it have been an idea to get financial first?

eish · 12/07/2023 07:35

You have more to lose because you get on so well with your parents. This could damage your relationship forever.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/07/2023 07:35

Yes do it.

Upanddownthemerrygoround · 12/07/2023 07:36

If you all get on and you have ground rules that work, and it’s for a fixed time, then yes.

if you think there will be rows, sulking, squabbles over the baby or anything, then no.

Kyliealwayshadthebestdisco · 12/07/2023 07:37

I would one hundred percent do this in your shoes. Seems like a no brainer especially if for a relatively limited and defined period of time especially if you get on well. Worst case scenario you can always move out if it’s not working well and you’ve not lost anything by doing that. It’s so easy to get caught in the cycle of having to spend all your money on rent shutting you out of buying. This is a way to get around that.

DustyLee123 · 12/07/2023 07:38

I don’t think it’s a good idea, you will fall out, and they will get fed up of the crying at night and baby stuff.

Gazelda · 12/07/2023 07:39

I'm not saying don't do it, but I'd think very, very carefully before you do.

Will you set a target date to leave?
How many bathrooms? How many reception rooms?
Do your parents work or will all 3 of you be home with baby every day?
Do you have friends/family you can go to for a weekend every month just to give everyone a break?

Whinge · 12/07/2023 07:39

eish · 12/07/2023 07:35

You have more to lose because you get on so well with your parents. This could damage your relationship forever.

I agree. It's a kind offer but I would stay where you are. Living together is very different to visiting every day, especially if you then add a small baby and sleepless nights. You will end up falling out over silly things like who does the dishes or not replacing the milk, and it could end up being a really uncomfortable living situation.

caringcarer · 12/07/2023 07:39

I'd do it because I trust my Mum and Dad would respect our boundaries and not try and take over my baby. You could save so much during 6-12 months. You should still give your parents money towards utilities and food though.

JustAnotherUsey · 12/07/2023 07:43

I say do it. Sounds like everyone would be happy for this to happen so go for it. 6 months sounds doable. I think any longer would make things more strained.

It probably won't be all plain sailing tho, as long as you are aware.

If it means you can save up more and buy a house then go for it.

annahay · 12/07/2023 07:43

miniegg3 · 12/07/2023 07:32

Honestly, I think if you're having a baby together you should be standing on your own 2 feet. But that's just my opinion

Multi generational living is common in many countries all around the world.

Starseeking · 12/07/2023 07:44

If you can save £1,500 per month, that's £18,000 in one year. You should also try and save at least half your maternity pay if you're not having to contribute to bills.

I would definitely move back in if I were you.

However I would caveat that by saying you need a very clear exit plan and be strict on your deadline for moving out.

Regarding your relationship, your parents are your parents, and in my case when I moved in with them for 15 months after a bad break-up, I had to suck up the fact that I was living in their house with my 2 DC, and ignore minor (or major!) irritations.

You will probably have to be more generous with sharing baby than you would ideally like, but on the bright side, you have built in babysitters and you and DP can go on many many date nights; make the most of this before you move into your own place.

Gymmum82 · 12/07/2023 07:45

What will you do in 6-12 months when the interest rates haven’t come down and you still can’t afford to move out? Where will it end?

Lentilweaver · 12/07/2023 07:45

annahay · 12/07/2023 07:43

Multi generational living is common in many countries all around the world.

Show quote history

Yes, am from one such country. Often not the happy idyll it is meant to be. Flat living is also common!

Original poster
Rubylu · 12/07/2023 07:47

My parents have always very much left me to make my own decisions, they’re not overpowering or too full on. If I told them I wanted to do something my way they would completely respect that. We also would do our own food shopping so the amount my parents have said they would want in rent is tiny compared to what we are paying now.

I am worried I will miss the space so much but me and my partner have also agreed if it gets too much we can always move back out.. we are fairly financially set however maternity pay is not enough to live on in the slightest and I wouldn’t want to dip into my house deposit to live because then we would definitely never get out of the renting cycle. House prices in our area are extortionate and renting is the same way.

OP posts:
annahay · 12/07/2023 07:48

@Lentilweaver

It may not be perfect but if parents have offered short term help for long term gain, then why not take it? I'd jump at the chance if it was going to help me buy my own home.

Winter2020 · 12/07/2023 07:50

I lived with my parents when my eldest was little as my partner was working long hours and couldn't offer me much support.

It was good as I (and my son) always had company and I could always get a shower or catch a nap after a tough night with my mum watching him. All the interaction and company helped my son develop good language and reading skills early and he is still very fond of time with his relatives.

Because of the lack of privacy living as a couple we did have regular cheap holidays as a couple. My partner was a teacher and we went camping or caravan break in his hols. That is harder for you as your partner is self employed but I would suggest you plan regular weekends away in a travelodge/Premier Inn etc or some form of camping e.g. caravan once Baby is old enough to keep you sane. This can still be a fraction of having rent and your own bills.

OddsOn · 12/07/2023 08:07

As long as you all set rules and boundaries and talk about them before you move in. Plus make it short term I think it’s a great idea. DS is still at home and has saved up a decent amount in three years since he started working, he has now started a degree apprenticeship which pays 25k per annum. His GF has just graduated and has a FT job that she started this week and is back with her parents. DH and I intend going travelling for a year when he retires in 1 or 2 years and they are very lucky indeed because we are going to get them to house and pet sit for us when we are away which they have agreed to.

Lentilweaver · 12/07/2023 08:11

From reading MN, I gather this situation is going to be more and more usual. Personally, i would hate it. But that's just me, because I wouldn't be able to charge rent, and I have no pets, plus a small London house, so...

Winter2020 · 12/07/2023 08:24

*sorry in case my post was confusing holidays and breaks with your partner and baby as a family.

Adviceneeded234 · 12/07/2023 08:34

do it. All these posters banging on about how difficult it will be / parents will Interfere etc and they may or may. You may or may not clash.

so what? People bang on about not being able to buy a house but no one wants to sacrifice anything to get there either.

I did it with my partner and his parents, they too were very respectful but we occasionally clashed on other things. We got through it and were able to buy our house and are soon to be buying our long term family home. None of which could've happened had we not bought at that time. I would however be more mindful of your partner.

the way I see it is it is one year of your life. You will never get this opportunity again, especially with the more children you have.

Put the hard graft in for one year, set yourself and family up for the rest of your life.

unicornhair · 12/07/2023 08:41

Honestly I’d do it. I’d do what others suggested and use a little of the money to get away here and there to give everyone a break.
If saving means you can get somewhere more permanent I’d go for it. Also means you can do any work on somewhere before you move in.

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