Baby crying in my cul de sac... what to do

[mrsneate]

He cries all the time. Obviously now the windows are open we can hear it more. My teen son just came in and said he's heard the baby crying since he got him this morning and he's still crying now.

Parents are police officers as far as I know. I've never spoken to them (I'm fairly new to the street!)

I know when my neighbour popped over when my youngest cried for 23 hours a day I was mortified and it made me feel worse,

He's about 18 months old I think.

Is it worth contacting the local health visitor? Or would you pop round (in the daylight obviously)

OP, you say your own baby cried 23 hours per day at one point. As the parent experiencing this, what would you have considered helpful behaviour from a neighbour? Are you certain the baby is 18 months? At that age, excessive crying would definitely be a cause for concern - it isn't usual... particularly if it's been going on for more than a few days. You could make a call to social services without naming the family and ask for their advice on what to do given your concerns?

I've got three children of my own and I am a paediatric nurse. Im well aware babies cry. But not all day every day for weeks on end. I am not exaggerating,

It is literally all day every day and well into the early hours.

It is literally all day every day and well into the early hours.

Literally all day? So the child NEVER stops during the day?

Well if it's literally all day every day and most of the night then clearly something is not right. Do you ever see the child? Does he go to nursery?

I’d say based on your latest update then you know it’s not normal if this is what’s happening.

If it’s a cul de sac, can you somehow bump into them outside? Do you see them going outside at all? It sounds very excessive if it’s really all day, definitely not normal. Mine used to scream and cry for ages over lots of different things at that age, but even then they were happy most of the time.

I see the family going out and about. They have an older boy. The boy looks ok other than obviously being upset.

We've prob spoken about ten words together in the time I've lived here as we both work nights and are often going to work and coming home at the same time so say hello in passing.

It's a very small village so same doctors surgery and health visitor.

I've text my friend who lives in the cul de sac also this morning and we both have the same concerns. She knows her better as she's lived here much longer (we only moved in 6 months ago!) she will pop over later and offer hers and my help if they are struggling. She also has a child the same age so will mention it to HV (she's also a SW!)

My son is 20 months old and has just been diagnosed with Crohn's disease, he screams and cries all day and night because he is unwell. I can do everything in the world to try and help him but sometimes it cannot be helped. I have explained to my neighbours for my own sanity but please be considerate that they could also be dealing with something like this. He can't tell me what is wrong so his only way of communicating with by crying and screaming, it is horrific and it breaks my heart to see him this way.

If your friend is a social worker she should definitely know what to do, mind you as a paeds nurse you should too. Just report it.

Based on your update I would certainly report this.

Agree

My daughter is autistic, she cried a lot! No speech until 4 so I do pity my neighbours but at one she just cries and cries, slept far less than a typical child and drs showed no concern at all when I sought help. Some kids cry

Cried past tense, she's an adult now, just moody these days

My dd was different from her sister from birth, we just didn't know why

I would knock on the door and ask if the baby is okay and if there's anything you can do.

If they say that everyone is fine and the baby is still crying I would challenge them there and then. So see how they are responding to you when challenged. If they're tired, apologetic etc it's realistic to assume they're trying everything.

But state that it's not normal to ignore an adult shouting and crying loud enough for neighbours to hear and if they continue to ignore their baby you will be phoning social services with your concerns.

It seems to be parents that work in emergency services or childcare that have babies who are ignored the most. Perhaps because they're used to more serious situations in their career/used to the noise.

Bearing in mind how many child murders we’ve had in recent years, which might have been prevented had concerned neighbours only raised the alarm, I think it’s appropriate to raise the alarm. Trust your judgement OP - only you can say whether the amount of crying is excessive or abnormal.

Sounds like the family might need support whatever the cause.

Why would you ask mumsnet if your neighbour friend is a social worker? Sounds like the perfect person to talk to. Honestly, we can say report to SS but don't have experience & can't hear it like she can

It sounds like some sort of welfare check from a HV or SS might be in order. I've never been convinced that it's helpful for a neighbour to come round with cake as gets suggested on here a lot.

WTF, a social worker and a paediatric nurse don't know what to do?

Do not offer help, do not pop in, pop up, have tea and cake and a nice little chat.... what exactly are you trying to achieve? because if someone is neglecting or abusing their child they are not likely to be at all open about it. You will achieve nothing, except five buckets of shit on your own heads if you later ring the LA and report safeguarding concerns.

Just ring the number for LA childrens safeguarding team and report.

Besides which, what if your friend befriends these people but it later transpires that they are indeed abusing the child, she missed the signs and failed to report.....what sort of SW does that make her?

You and friend are a social worker and a paediatric nurse

You know what to do

If they crying is all day /night

Report to ss

It's called safe guarding and what you should both know via your jobs

The fact that the parents are police officers is irrelevant. It does not make them any less likely to abuse their child than anyone else. If you have concerns then pls report to social services and ask for a welfare check. Keep a note of the sate, time and name of the person you spoke to.

I think between you and your social worker friend you can work out the right, and most helpful things to do. It's important that you come across as supportive and offer actual help, rather than faux concern and veiled criticism. You have to live close to this family after all. Do bear in mind if everything is ok, and they decline any practical help you offer, the child may still cry all day so you may not get peace and quiet for some time yet.

Seriously???
You're a paediatric nurse and your friend is miraculously a social worker
So you thought you'd ask randoms on a chat forum
🤔

My thoughts exactly

Yes I also find it extremely odd that you're both in roles that safeguard children yet have no clue what to do in this situation other than to ask online.