Sick of flashers. Sick of people minimising flashers.

[LaMadameCholet]

Just that really. This will sound unbelievable but I can assure you it’s absolutely true.

Last week a man exposed himself to me whilst I was walking my dog in the park. The following day, a drunk man came up to the floor to ceiling window of a venue where I was having a meeting, looked right at me in an intimidating way and started wanking. The week before a man with learning difficulties who lives in supported accommodation in a house in my road exposed himself to myself and also to a neighbour twice. The previous man who lived there did the same thing repeatedly, the carers don’t safeguard their residents at all.
Today, I took a group of 12 year olds to a museum (I’m a teacher) and as we left a man called put to the children and then dropped his trousers. (Luckily he was the other side of a busy road, not all the children noticed and all are ok).

Two of the adults that I had to inform about this at school, and one of my friends said “Oh, what is it about you Audacia, ha ha ha”. It’s not funny. I don’t want to walk my dog on my own any more. The man with LD sometimes escapes from his accommodation, or he’s always pressed up against the window every time I go out. I know he can’t help it but I don’t feel safe and I’m sick of this.

I have a suggestion, (which may or may not be legal). Print out a big poster, A4, laminate it and pin it on a tree at the entrance to the park.

"Ladies beware!
Flashers operate in this area, have your mobile phones/cameras at the ready.
You have been warned"

I'm not trying to be funny, you do need to warn other women.

I'm going to try and find a link to a really good radio 4 thing on this

Here you go www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001b43m?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

Forensic psychologists interview a man who flashed. Fascinating and horrifying

But might that antagonise him into maybe going further, and attacking you? Just guessing that he might get desperate if he’s worried about being identified, and would lead to him actually trying to harm you. That would be my worry. We’ve just had a warning on our local next-door site from the local police advising there’s been a flashing incident at a park I use when walking the dog. It’s really pissed me off because I feel like I can’t go there now.

I have been flashed at once. I was in a park on a bench reading a book on a dummers afternoon. I realised so eone had stopped in fromt of me and glanced up. He was staring g at me and wanking. I stood up to walk away, and he webt to grab me, so I knee'd him in the groin. Hard. Fortunately he didnt then do anything, but wanky-man-bollocks contacting my kneecap is not an amusing memory.

I agree it should be taken more seriously. I think many rapists probably start out with flashing. There's nothing funny about getting a kick from scaring women - I'm sorry this has happened to you so many times OP.

There is a good episode of "Its a Fair Cop" about this (radio 4 but available online). It stresses the importance of reporting it each and every time.

The man with LD, I'd suggest letting his support workers know - presumably there's some support workers at his accommodation.

They may not be aware, and it sounds like they might need to re look at their risk management plans.

Yes because it escalates. As per that episode I shared upthead :(

Maybe your husband doesn’t, but he doesn’t represent all men.
If my wife and I got off a bus and there was someone sat there with his knob out, I wouldn’t be having a jokey conversation - I’d be telling him to sort himself out or I’m ringing the police.

Don't blame men as a whole for your choice in partner 😊

@Deathbyfluffy 😂 "your choice in a partner"
I think that's a bit steep based on one situation I've mentioned. Straight to NAMALT.

This is eminently sensible.

It appears there is certainly a need to review this individual's Care Plan.

https://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/008-Difficult-sexual-behaviour-.pdf

That is a lot in a short period of time. In my 42 years on this earth I have been flashed approximately zero times.

I was flashed/wanked at a few times as a late teen/early 20ies. Not for a few years now, but I live somewhere where everyone knows everyone or their mum so not likely to risk it.

My sister lives in a biggish city and still gets it on occasion.

I was flashed as a teenager. It was the middle of the night while I was walking home. He was masturbating towards a bush and turned to show me while asking for directions.

I told my Dad the next morning who muttered something about calling the police but he never did.

I still think about it today and hate how vulnerable I was in that moment. I didn’t even know that calling the police would have been the right thing to do.

It definitely shouldn’t be minimised.

I'm in my late 50s and haven't ever been flashed at. I've travelled and worked in all sorts of areas and countries. I've never received a dick pik either.

I don't know how common flashing is. I hope it's taken very seriously though.

My Mum hasn't ever been flashed at either.

Breakdown of society. Poor sexual boundaries, inadequate care, inadequate policing, inadequate criminal justice, inadequate community cohesion.

I would agree with all that and would add 'acceptance and availability of pornography'

YANBU. On local social media, whenever there has been a report of someone flashing, there's a group of people who start joking, asking their mates whether it was them. It's not funny. It's intimidating and scary. For those of us who are victims of sexual assault, it's incredibly triggering.

I was flashed a couple of times about a decade ago in Camden, called 999 immediately and they came and scooped me up in a police car and drove me round for a bit to see if they could find him after he ran off. The police there took it very seriously as they know it's one of the first steps on the ladder to becoming a fully fledged rapist or murdered.

People who don't understand how serious it is have not watched enough criminal minds obviously

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/195-flashers-went-rape-pervs-25452058

I've only been flashed at once since moving back up north but I had an average of three a year when I lived in London. Day time, night time, public transport, parks, a theatre, and a swimming pool. Creeps.

I was once flashed at-not in a park or bushes but in a charity shop

There was the main shop with the clothes and a tiny corridor just off it where all the toys where

My dc had gone to play with the toys (we where regulars and the rule was 'if you take it to play with,you put it back' and all the ladies who worked there where happy with this)

I was browsing the 'main' part,just feet away from them-a few other ladies where doing the same as me-no blokes in the shop

A bloke just walked in-big bloke in both weight and height-whipped his trousers down to his knees,walked round while swinging it about (he had an erection) and then pulled them back up and walked out-it lasted seconds

My dc where in tears,I was shaken,all the other ladies (both staff and customers) where acting the same as me-shaken and angry

They called the police who didn't even bother coming out-i was never contacted to give a statement

Anyway,I mentioned this a few months later to a friend of mine who informed me that this bloke was known for it-he had 'mental health isssues'

He'd served time for flashing,assault and having sex with his dogs (I really wish I was making it up) among other things

She said he needed 'help and support'

I said he needed locking up-hes dangerous but the police didn't really give a stuff even though he's known to them

Sorry this is happening to you. I can relate - when I was younger I had a taxi driver start wanking while I was in the car, a man on a train start wanking while staring at me (we were the only two in the carriage), an old man sit opposite me on a park bench and purposely let his balls hang out of his very short shorts, and a flasher on the street all in a few months. It made me feel so unsafe and as I was so young at the time (teenager) I didn’t report any of it. Looking back I definitely wish I did report it. Funnily enough most women I’ve talked to about this can relate but men seem to think I’m exaggerating…

Rolypops · Yesterday 22:19

I honestly don't know why it's treated so leniently as often the behaviour escalates to full on assaults.

Neither do I, not least when many of them are serial offenders. My sister and some of her friends were targeted by on, near our school, when she was 13. A couple of teachers caught him. Even as an 11 year old boy, I realised how upsetting it was for her, even though she tried to brush it off.

In 2011, in our last house, the neighbour opposite did it to my wife, when I was working away; she'd parked the car and he was at the window, with his dressing gown open. She brushed off the first incident, but realised it was deliberate.

When I got back and she told me, I asked her to go to the Police, but she didn't want to. She kept the blinds closed and was very wary about going to the car, went out the back, if she was going on foot and tried to persuade me to sell the house. She was stressed and nervous and stayed with her sister, when I was away.

I was speaking to the landlady of our local and she said, "Eurgh, that dirty bastard! I walk home the long way now. Ask Ken in the paper shop." Ken gave me the details for two other women on our street, who had also been subject to it and one had a relative visiting, who had seen him expose himself.

I got my wife to speak to them and we went to the Police, who said that they were very interested. He had a long, long record for it, including wanking outside schools. In the end, there were four of them (my wife included) who gave evidence against him and he was found guilty. He got probation, counselling, a fine, community service and a sex offender register order - all to keep him out of jail.

On the bus home, he dropped his trousers at some young school girls, who were at a bus stop. The court increased his community service.

I looked him up online and found that he'd been convicted every 2 - 3 years from the mid 90s and had one short prison sentence.

On the whole, the Police and court services were good, (according to my wife and the other women) they were let down very badly by the sentencing procedure.