I have an induction for a new job on Monday and I have to dress and behave like a normal person and I’m a bit stressed.

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

I’m weird and off-putting. I know this.

I need to not be weird and off-putting. I need to make a good impression.

The job comes with a uniform, but until I get the uniform I’ll be wearing mismatched bohemian clothing. I’m fairly certain that my only smarting cardigan is unlucky and it’ll be too hot to wear it anyway.

I’ve got the practical stuff. Lunch box, notebook, etc.

I got the job while showing my true personality but now I’m having doubts.

I’ve been bullied A LOT over the years for being ‘weird’ and not fitting so I’m feeling especially anxious.

It’s a good job. Higher pay, ten minutes from home, sensible hours. I really need to make it all work.

Please help me make a good impression.

As you've already got the job, I wouldn't worry too much about making a good impression. Just be yourself. Good luck.

I'd buy a simple navy dress and focus on asking questions of other people, don't make them too personal.

Who are you interacting with, who are your customers or clients?

As long as your not stinking and wearing dirty clothes no one should be concerned with how your dressed. It's a job to pay your bills not a catwalk

I'm not sure what you're asking for? Is it help to choose suitable clothing?

If so, they're really helpful in the Style and Beauty topic.

Good luck in your new job OP

Listen well, be friendly ask questions. Focus on them not you. You’ll be OK.

Also, no Paddington hard stares 😁

Depends what the job is but I think it's a lot more acceptable now to be weird and different, even a bit of a bonus! Good luck!

Treat it like first day at school. Wear a variation of school uniform such as black trousers, white top, black shoes. Any variation such as navy trousers, pale plain top, and shoes are all fine.
Make sure every item is clean and tidy. Tidy means no holes or runs not bobbled or frayed.
Well done on the note book and lunch box. Also think about water bottle and a small selection of hygiene items. That means something like deodorant, San pro, comb and tissues. Whichever are applicators to you.
Put the items in the adult equation of a school bag. Plain and functional with a top that you can close. The size you can carry those things in and will fit under a chair.
Listen and take notes. Chat if you are chatty but looking alert and ready is just as important.
Congratulations. They are fortunate to have you on board.

No advice OP as I've been in my current workplace for 3 years and am now willing to let all my weirdness out

Solidarity though as I distinctly remember feeling like I had to gradually let my quirks and weirdness out so as not to scare or alienate anyone!

What’s the uniform? Could you wear something similar? It really depends what the job is and what you’ll be doing as to what’s suitable.

I just want tips on behaving like a normal person.

You know, when someone asks what I do I want to say something normal. Not, “I play MTG and paint pictures of fungus…”

I struggle with eye contact, I never know what my face is doing, sometimes my limbs twitch, I storm without realising.

I’m really tying myself up in knots about this.

My friends and partner tell me to be myself. They mean well, but they need to cop on.

Uniform is navy trousers. I don’t own navy trousers. I don’t even own trousers.

I just don’t want to put people off.

So you say you play games and paint. As a fellow weirdy I also need to wear a mask at work to appear normal. Recently, I've felt OK to let the weird out a bit. Took me 8 years to get there mind!

Just buy a pair of navy trousers that might be a bit more you- wide leg, harem....what ever is comfortable and feels like you. Smart top, quirky ok but clean and tidy.

Good luck, you sound thoughtful and interesting. Shame I've no new starts in my work that could be you!

If it would help you feel more confident, why not go out tomorrow & buy a couple of ‘normal’ work outfits? A plain, sensible dress, a pair of dark trousers and a couple of nice tops? You wouldn’t have to spend a fortune if you bought from M&S, Next or even a supermarket.

Instead of trying to force eye contact try looking at their eyebrows or top of their nose, that way they feel like you are looking at their eyes and you still get most of the visual information that you would if you were looking at their eyes. You can also take turns looking at their eyebrows and then their mouth.

For the voluntary movements maybe you can have a fidget toy in your pocket to use up some of that energy. Or just mess with your ring if you wear one.

Re fidgeting - do you have longish hair? A hair band round your wrist is perfectly “normal” and ace for fiddling with.

Best of luck!

I would love to meet someone who paints pictures of fungus and I would think they were interesting, not weird. And I would have lots of questions to ask.

much better than ‘I go to the gym and meet up with friends’. I can’t do anything with that information and the conversation would pretty much die.

There is nobody else in the world just like you, you are completely unique. Embrace it.

Good luck in your new job.

Is this thread just so you can tell us all how "non normal" you are? Otherwise I'm not seeing the issue.

You sound fabulous! Tell them you like to paint, so what?! Wear your lovely boho clothes and be your true self. If people are bullying you at work go straight to HR/manager. But this is a fresh start OP, don’t go in there ‘with your back up’, you sound almost as though you’re expecting to alienate people, before you’ve even given them a chance to be nice to you. It’s fully understandable to be defensive if you’ve met some nasty b*s in your time.

I don’t mean this rudely, but I have seen it happen, that sometimes people are alienating because they are so determined to prove that everyone is the enemy.

On the other hand, I don’t mean to downplay your experience of bullying, which is awful, but don’t let it cloud your next adventure. Best of luck in your new job, be yourself.

If you have the spare cash go and buy something fairly plain which you are comfortable in.
I dislike trousers, so am normally seen in a dress. I've never had a comment more than "nice dress", but sometimes I feel I stand out-that's me rather than them though. I remember commenting to someone I'd known for years that I find trousers uncomfortable and she'd never noticed I didn't wear them. In fact she swore I'd been wearing some the previous week.😊

Hobby: You paint. If they ask about it say what sort of painting you do (acrylics/watercolours etc) if you want to keep it sounding less unusual. But you could say something like nature, then say your favourite is fungi-perhaps mention what you like, is it the colours etc?

I'm not particularly good at small talk, so I let people lead me. They ask what I did before; I ask how long they've been at this job. They ask if I have children, I ask about theirs etc. I feel a bit boring at times, but no one's ever seemed to mind.

My ds2 struggles with eye contact a lot. Over the years he has developed the habit of looking just above people's eyebrows. That way, they think he is making eye contact and he stays within what is comfortable for him.

Just say you play card games and paint. My adult sons are huge D&D nerds, when asked by randoms about their hobbies, they just say that they play board games. My DD has ADHD, she controls her involuntary twitching by always having a fidget toy on her, the same way as my son's control the worst of their stimming. She also sometimes wears fidget rings.

As for clothes, wear something in which you feel comfortable. As long as it's clean, tidy, not full of holes and doesn't show off your midriff or whatever, it'll be fine.

OP I’ve been called “weird” and “awkward” (in a physical sense) more times than I can count. I struggle with eye contact too and have even had some charmers point that out.

As long as you are nice to your colleagues and do your job well, that is all that really matters. Those people that judge you for being “weird” are not worth knowing.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon You don't say if you are ND, but you sound so similar to me that I have presumed you are! 😁

In my experience, when people say 'be yourself' they don't actually mean that. I take things very literally (not surprising, considering the autism!) and I was confused for decades as to why the standard advice to 'be myself' wasn't working.

For clothes, I agree that you should find something comfortable but which is fairly close to your new uniform. For the eye contact, I highly recommend taking notes (bring your own pen and notebook). For small talk, try to remind yourself to say less than you would normally and to ask questions. My instinct is to talk about my special interests, and I think it is weird to ask people questions as I presume that they will tell me what they want me to know! Apparently NTs don't work this way, which I am still trying to get my head round...

For general anxiety, don't be tempted to have extra coffee. I like a hot chocolate and a breathing exercise from eg Headspace.

I don't want to stress you out about masking, but these are things that have helped me. You sound amazing, and I would be so excited to have someone like you in my workplace. Good luck!

You sound lovely and not at all weird!

In terms of what to wear. If you’re nervous about that just wear what you wore to the interview. You know that’s totally fine because they gave you the job when you interviewed wearing it.

You’ve had some good suggestions here about eye contact and small talk.

My suggestion is that if you feel overwhelmed or upset or worried about what people think. Or if someone says something to you which feels off. Then just say “I’m feeling a bit nervous today- I always find the first day at a new job stressful until I know people “ And don’t explain or apologise or get drawn further in.

pretty much anyone will empathise with that, will almost certainly tell you about their first days, and will follow it up by being kind and helpful.

good luck!

Why not apply for a job that better fits your personality? 🤔

If you can afford a couple of “work” type items of clothes then I’d probably invest in them. It’s easier to change clothes than to try and change your personality. ( unless you’re getting the uniform on day 2).