I have an induction for a new job on Monday and I have to dress and behave like a normal person and I’m a bit stressed.

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

I’m weird and off-putting. I know this.

I need to not be weird and off-putting. I need to make a good impression.

The job comes with a uniform, but until I get the uniform I’ll be wearing mismatched bohemian clothing. I’m fairly certain that my only smarting cardigan is unlucky and it’ll be too hot to wear it anyway.

I’ve got the practical stuff. Lunch box, notebook, etc.

I got the job while showing my true personality but now I’m having doubts.

I’ve been bullied A LOT over the years for being ‘weird’ and not fitting so I’m feeling especially anxious.

It’s a good job. Higher pay, ten minutes from home, sensible hours. I really need to make it all work.

Please help me make a good impression.

Agree with the advice to tone yourself down a little while you settle in, and make yourself more neutral while you get the lay of the land. I like a lot of geeky things but don’t really mention them at work unless I’m with a colleagues who have similar interests.

As a PP suggested, if people ask about hobbies say that you paint, and if there ask what kind of painting you can talk about the technique or describe them as still life paintings from nature.

Magic: The Gathering is pretty niche compared to other geeky things that have become more mainstream over the past decade or so (Star Wars, Marvel films, even D&D thanks to Stranger Things) so I’d just say that you like card games/ board gaming.

Do you have children? I often joke that my main hobby is enjoying the limited peace and quiet that I get when my daughter is not around; a colleague with older children says all she does is be a taxi service - it’s true, but it’s a good way to deflect more questions.

Good luck!

What type of uniform will you be wearing and how soon will you get it? As others said, I would try and somewhat match that, if you know your usual style will look particularly odd next to others in the uniform. You can google standard office wear if you would like to fit in, but any plain top and trousers or skirt will probably be fine.

You’ve said you got the job while being yourself, so I wouldn’t worry too much, and as others have also said, you can keep hobbies chat casual. If someone is just trying to be polite or make chit chat, there’s no need to steam ahead with “oh I’m weird and paint fungus”. But also don’t lie to try and fit in, just be polite and something like “I like painting, and do that most weekends, how about you?”. If they find that interesting they will ask more questions, and if not, they’ll just answer the question in return. When I’ve met people starting work on their first day I’ve not started grilling them about their personal life though, I’ve kept it about the work, showing them where everything is, telling them the practical things they need to know, like what time lunch is, where the canteen is, how to get a security pass etc. The social side can come later once you settle in and have more time to kill.

Why are you keeping hold of an ‘unlucky’ cardigan though?

Good luck for the new job!

What kind of work/environment is it?

Get a few bits that can tide you over until you get your uniform. A dress in a similar colour, trousers (they can be loose/wide legged /whatever to be more you) and 2/3 tops .

Eye contact, fake it by looking at the top of their nose, eyebrows or forehead. Alternate with looking at their lips, side of the ear , looking at others in the group, checking your notes .

Tics and movements, have a fidget in your pocket or a hair tie around your wrist. I have a fidget ring that spins on my finger precisely for this reason. Same with my earrings. Again , alternate so it doesn't become too obvious.

Small talk. Don't go into detail. Hobbies gaming/board games and painting. If they insist just say at the moment I'm giving x a go. Or have a list of made up bog standard answers (walking,reading, swimming) that you can practice over the weekend. Ask questions, most people do enjoy talking about themselves so let them carry the conversation. If you notice someone becoming really animated about a certain subject/hobby just keep asking questions. If it all becomes too much , excuse yourself to go to the toilet, or go outside for lunch -need to make a phone call to give you a bit of breathing space.

Take your time and find your feet and then as you become more confident you can let them know you better.

Fellow awkward as fuck person.

Let's go with quirky rather than weird ! 'Normal' is boring. Also don't forget diversity and inclusion in the work place is a big thing and they must have liked you when they gave you the job. You'll be a breath of fresh air , I'm sure. Good luck!

I'm assuming you are neurodiverse OP you've mention several things that fit an ASD profile, if you don't have a diagnosis it might be worth looking into as it'll do wonders for your self esteem instead if think you are weird.

Neurodiversity is a hot topic in many workplaces now and there is a lot more effort put in understanding and supporting staff than there was even 2 or 3 years ago.

As others have suggested I would replicate the uniform with something you are comfortable with to start. You'll be able to pick up black/navy chinos and a white shirt from many supermarket or High Street stores or a dark skirt if your prefer. Then when you get to know your workplace you can see what is appropriate.

I think it's probably a lot more acceptable to be 'weird' these days and it matters a lot less as an adult than it does at school.

I was the bullied weirdo at school yet at work I appear to be one of the popular ones where I work and many people seem to me to be 'normal' ie, like me.

Any time I go out 'in public' ie places like pubs and shopping centres that's dominated by the conventionally/fashionably dressed I spend a lot of time thinking 'what the fuck are they all wearing', why are they holding their phones like that etc so TBH, if you're not like that, you probably don't want to spend time trying to be like that. It's not you and you'll fool nobody.

If you've got the job by being you, you'll probably fit right in, or at least not be as 'weird' as you fear.

But if it feels better, buy something rather basic and not expensive, eg plain trousers or a summer dress (assuming it's the type of job where you shouldn't wear dresses due to having to climb ladders or similar) from a supermarket and wear that. There's often stuff available that can be dressed in a variety of ways depending on what shoes and accessories you combine with so it can look as conventional or bohemian as you like.

Good luck, I'm sure you'll be fine.

I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences with bullying OP. That’s awful.
As others have said, in this new job, try to go in with an open mind, and go straight to HR if you have any problems with bullying or unprofessional behaviour at work.
Hopefully you won’t have anything like that. In normal workplaces people are just keen to do the job and keep it light and get on with each other. And if you’ve found yourself not in a normal workplace before, then it’s definitely not you, it’s them.

Youve had good ideas posted here about clothing to wear before you put your uniform on. All the supermarkets and M&S and Next etc sell some ‘office basics’- as they are often called in the shops. You could also go to a charity shop and ask them if they have some things to wear for office basics. Near me, a lot of office wear has been donated since working from home has become more common.

You don’t have to spend a fortune on these especially as they’re just to wear to make a good impression before you get your uniform on. But don’t forget- you have already got the job. They really liked your interview and they want you to work with them, over everyone else that applied. Congratulations I hope you enjoy working there.

Last point. Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking that because you feel (or you are) different, then that means that everyone else is the same. That is never true. Everyone else is as individual as you are. They’re not going to all be into the same things or have the same lives either. I think it’s a great thing about us humans, that we are all of us complex and interesting.

It sounds like you could be autistic? Maybe you should look into that.

Perhaps think of yourself as interesting instead of weird.

I find it helpful at new jobs to not let my personality out straight away - spend some time wearing a mask of professionalism and suss people out.

Wear what you wore to the interterview on day 1. Then you can assess whether you need to pop to a supermarket after work to get something.

Practise these two - have you worked here long? And where did you work before here? - one or the other should be suitable and a good conversation starter.

You like MtG and crafts. Don't worry about saying this. But maybe save going into an indepth analysis of why MtG is better than (insert another title here) until you know someone better.

Good luck.

I don't think either of those things sound weird or offputting OP (nor do you sound either of those things) but equally if you feel uncomfortable disclosing things about yourself and that would make you feel vulnerable and uncomfortable - then don't.

Meeting new people and starting a new job is daunting, it's always going to feel awkward at first and then get easier. I would imagine most people take their colleagues as they find them and don't think too deeply about their body language or their hobbies and so on - people are busy and in the nicest possible way just not as interested in these things as we think when we are dissecting them ourselves. All that really matters is that they are polite and seem to be making an effort.

They gave you the job as you are so will be expecting you as you are. I think it's best not to overthink and not relate everything back to your perception of yourself in this situation, difficult though that is. I'd just chalk it up to something that will be a bit awkward at first but will most definitely get better, try your best, focus on just saying hello and introducing yourself and then on the job, the rest will come with time.

My extended family have a message thread which is purely for posting pictures of fungus we have spotted or that's generally interesting. There nine of us in it.

I agree with looking at someone's eyebrows or nose to help with the looking at people issue. And with getting a plain coloured either top or bottoms in your usual style and putting it with whatever you normally wear.

How did it go OP?