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Original poster

Do I have a right to be pissed off?

29 replies

Greenel82 · 08/07/2023 09:01

Every Saturday DP goes out to play football. Usually he’s out of the house for 7 hours. Today, he is playing somewhere that is 4 hours away so he is setting off from home at 10 and won’t be back until god knows when because he’s going straight to a party. Last night, he had a nap while I was with DC, then this morning I have been up with them since 7 while he’s lay in bed on his phone (he’s still in bed now) He is setting off in an hour so I won’t get his help this morning with the DC even though he’s going to be out for the whole day and night. I’m thinking he should have let me have a little lie in this morning?

OP posts:
LemonLimeDivine · 08/07/2023 09:04

Yes but do something about it else nothing will change.

toochesterdraws · 08/07/2023 09:08

Yes you are totally right to be pissed off, he jolly well should have actually done stuff with the dc this morning.

DustyLee123 · 08/07/2023 09:09

yes you do. Do you ever wonder how much he’d want to see his kids if you separated ?

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Original poster
Greenel82 · 08/07/2023 09:32

Just told him how I feel and it’s ended up in argument. He said he works full time so he’s tired and I told him fair enough, but so am I. I’m a sahm and both kids are hard work. Especially my 2 year old who currently doesn’t speak and doesn’t understand instructions or anything I say tbh so the difficulty is a thousand times worse. I told him how I struggle and that I shouldn’t have to remind him of a lie in, he should just know and have a bit of respect for me. Then he said it was my decision to have children so surely I knew what it would be like. I told him yes but I also didn’t expect him to start playing for a team that means he’s out every Saturday all day. He flew off the handle then and told me not to “fucking start”

OP posts:
Movinghouseatlast · 08/07/2023 09:36

Did he not want to have children?

It honestly sounds like he doesn't want/ enjoy the commitment of being a parent.

itsmylife7 · 08/07/2023 09:38

He's just told you he didn't want children so you've got to do everything for them.

He's basically a sperm donor OP !

He's living the single life whilst having "all his needs met at home "

roarrfeckingroar · 08/07/2023 09:41

Damn right you do. What a lazy selfish git.

I'm taking kids to see my family for most of the day so DP will get some time to himself. Because of this, he was up with the toddler at 6am and I snoozed until 9.

stonedaisy · 08/07/2023 09:46

What a disappointing guy.. i'd be looking for a replacement

uhOhOP · 08/07/2023 10:07

Leave him. Seriously. As is always said here, it sounds as though you're a single parent now, anyway, so you might as well actually be a single parent and not have him as an additional burden.

Is it financially possible for you to leave him? Do you actually want to stay with this man?

VisionsOfSplendour · 08/07/2023 10:09

What kind of league has matches this time of year and 4 hours away? Are you sure he's playing football?

Mabmabdwarf · 08/07/2023 10:09

Walk out the house and leave the kids with him.

DustyLee123 · 08/07/2023 10:10

You should have walked out and left the kids with him

Jericha · 08/07/2023 10:12

I'm not a SAHM but surely being one when the children are little still is the equivalent of "working all week"? Down time should be reasonably split, it's not fair you're holding the fort solo for most of the weekend. I bet you're tired too. He's being selfish.

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 08/07/2023 10:13

What a selfish twat.

BumbleBee2023 · 08/07/2023 10:14

So he didn't want kids? He's basically a sperm donor.

Parky04 · 08/07/2023 10:15

VisionsOfSplendour · 08/07/2023 10:09

What kind of league has matches this time of year and 4 hours away? Are you sure he's playing football?

Yep. It doesn't add up. The only matches would be friendlies and they wouldn't be that far away!

Batalax · 08/07/2023 10:18

Selfish twat.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 08/07/2023 10:19

What kind of friendly football match is four hours away in July?

DemonicCaveMaggot · 08/07/2023 10:21

You shouldn't be pissed because you didn't get a 'little lie in' you should be pissed that you aren't getting a full day off a week too. SAHM is a full time job and your DH should be glad you both aren't having to pay a full time nanny to do what you are doing. If he gets a day off a week, you should get a day off a week.

RainbowStew · 08/07/2023 10:22

You’ll leave him at some point. It might be a while though as you will stay and keep trying to make it work first. That will be a miserable time for you and you will likely regret how long you wasted there with him.

When you do leave, and get your shit together, he will then resent paying maintenance to you and you will forever be, in his eyes, the awful ex who “shafted” him financially.

He will happily be an every other weekend day, won’t fight for more, and will enjoy his free time whilst seeing himself as father of the year.

While he is out on Saturdays he will probably get either his mother or a new girlfriend to look after his DC.

You, I hope, will look back and wonder what on earth you were doing but will just be glad that you grew up and out of that.

You will probably go on to marry an adult man who treats you with respect, and you will appreciate him all the more for that, and you will have a happy life.

Occasionally you will look at your ex, in ten years time, and have a moment where you realise what your life would have been like if you were still with him.

You will shudder briefly, and then smile politely, finish the handover small talk and then get back to your actual life.

ChattermaxFromBluey · 08/07/2023 10:25

Not a single dimension exists in which I’d put up with any of that, the whole day away for a sport, the lack of lie in/help with kids or being spoken to like piece of shit.

Either he apologies tail in between legs and you get the whole day to yourself tomorrow, or bin him off for good.

what an actual twat (him)

ChattermaxFromBluey · 08/07/2023 10:27

Start invoicing him too.

for childcare services.

whats full time childcare these days? £600pc? £800pcm? 1kpcm?

Original poster
Greenel82 · 08/07/2023 10:29

For those asking, it’s a semi professional team so unfortunately these are the kind of fixtures they play. Oh, and the 2 days a week after work when he trains. If I’m honest, I’m not happy with the relationship. I have seriously considered in the past to just walk out and leave him with the kids so he isn’t able to go. But that would cause an almighty row and I don’t feel strong enough to deal with it. I know something is going to have to change, there’s no point complaining if I don’t do anything about it.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 08/07/2023 10:54

Exactly. You put up or get out.

Therealjudgejudy · 08/07/2023 11:01

You need to do something about it