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Well it's just utter fucking crap isn't it!

72 replies

LittleHare · 07/07/2023 10:42

....and it's my birthday too!

Partner of several years has mental health issues, and takes medication for it. The meds don't seem to be working but he can't be bothered to see the gp incase something else might help.

This past week - my birthday week - which according to him was going to be special and wonderful has ended with me feeling sick and shaky.

This 'special' week I've had the silent treatment, the going to bed all day treatment, the ranting at me treatment, the going out and being social with his mates treatment. But apparently he's made it up to me by volunteering to cook dinner last night , oh and giving me a birthday card last monday, then literally dropping a box on the table and walking away this morning. Don't know what it is, didn't say it was for me.

Years ago, whenever one of these episodes happened I felt it was my fault. I would take him tea in bed, talk to him, soothe him, persuade him to come join back in to our life. Gradually the scales have fallen from my eyes and I know it is not my fault.
He doesn't rant, scream, sulk, ignore any of his mates /workmates/family. Just me.

This is the cycle of my life with him. A few good days followed by many days like those above.

I've told him today that I'm done. I now just need to do it.

Happy fucking birthday to me!

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LobsterCrab · 07/07/2023 10:45

Happy birthday OP! Give yourself the best present ever by dumping this dickhead.

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doitwithlove · 07/07/2023 10:47

Happy Birthday, going forward make this day a productive one by changing things you are not happy about.

This man treats you in a disgusting manner, only you can change it.

Good luck 🌻

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pippinsleftleg · 07/07/2023 10:48

Give home the LTB treatment.

Amazing how he can hold it together with everyone but you.

Happy birthday - time to start making plans for next year to be a good one

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pippinsleftleg · 07/07/2023 10:48

Him, not home

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orphanblack · 07/07/2023 10:51

Happy birthday ! That's the best birthday present you can give yourself! Onwards and upwards from hear on ! XX You deserve to be treated like a Queen coz that's what you are!

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Rainbowqueeen · 07/07/2023 10:51

Great decision OP. You deserve so much better.

🎉💐 happy birthday

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OhDoh · 07/07/2023 10:53

Happy Birthday OP! Well done for telling him. Now go get yourself some cake and wine or go treat yourself to celebrate!

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LeeHarper5 · 07/07/2023 10:53

This birthday is shit… but next years won’t be. You deserve so much better than this.
Happy birthday x Time to take back control.

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areyouhavinglaugh · 07/07/2023 10:53

Best present you could give yourself is clarity and resolve
Get rid of him
Be happy forevermore 😀

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Iloveanicegarden · 07/07/2023 11:00

I used to think it was me too. I'd run around being extra nice, offer food/drink (to which the answer would always be no, like he was rejecting me too)Then one day I realised it wasn't me and I took to leaving him to it. He'd go away and sulk for a bit, then I'd be the silent one..............till I got an apology. Why are some men such ass holes?

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LittleHare · 07/07/2023 11:15

Guess what - he's gone back to bed, and will probably stay there till at least tomorrow. Thank god we have our own rooms!

The worst thing is when he does eventually emerge this will never be spoken of, as in it never happened. I'm never allowed to criticise, so eg, if I said I needed to put a bit more milk in the cuppa he's just made for me, then I'm criticising.

Oh it's fuckity fuck bye bye to him.....well it will be soon!

My thanks to all you darling women for hearing me, just listening to me let it all out!

@pippinsleftleg Yes, it's incredibly amazing isn't it, the sheer EFFORT they make so that they don't treat their workmates/friends/ family like this isn't it. I really should applaud him not for it!
And yes, the LTB plan is being hatched.

@OhDoh Sadly I can't drink so am consoling myself with a brew. However, after diving deep into the fridge I've found a sticky toffee pudding, and a bag of fruity chews. Hurrahhh!

@Iloveanicegarden I hope you LTB and are living the life you want and deserve.

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Verv · 07/07/2023 11:18

Think of your birthday as the first year of the rest of your life, which will be free of that sort of shite from now on!

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ButImNotOldEnough · 07/07/2023 11:22

Oh that sounds utterly exhausting OP, that’s no life to live. Can you kick him out or is there anywhere you can go to until you get your thoughts together and decide how you want to proceed?

Happy birthday

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BlueKaftan · 07/07/2023 11:25

Go get the wonderful life you deserve!

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Chewbaccaslime · 07/07/2023 11:28

Happy birthday.

My one like this has skulked off yesterday. I'm devastated but done. Trying to stay positive.

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Iloveanicegarden · 07/07/2023 11:33

@LittleHare I suppose you could say this is Karma for marrying someone I was not in love with to get away from a potentially abusive situation with my father. We have had our moments in the sun but sadly it is too late for me to leave and live my life. I am at the point where I will soon need a carer and a live in one is so much cheaper. Shouldn't be long now......

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caringcarer · 07/07/2023 11:35

Happy Birthday 🍰 OP. Mark the day by moving on without this man holding you back. If he won't go back to GP he's not trying to help himself.

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TooManyPlatesInMotion · 07/07/2023 11:44

Happy Birthday!! Treat yourself to the best present ever - remove this man from your life, so that you can get on with living and enjoying your life.

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DogbertMcDogglesworth · 07/07/2023 11:47

Many happy returns op.🥳🎉🎂
I hope all your future birthdays are fabulous when you haven't got your partner around to spoil them.

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EvilElsa · 07/07/2023 11:52

Happy Birthday OP 🍾. You can say it was a life changing one. One where you made the decision to make a better life. Keep us updated on how you get on! Would be nice to see a post next year on your birthday having a great one!!

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LittleHare · 07/07/2023 12:11

@ButImNotOldEnough We outright own the house 50/50 so I will give him the option of buying me out, or we sell it. I moved a long way from my family and friends to be here and my god how I regret it! Still I can soon move back. I can't buy a place of my own (too old for a mortgage) but can manage to rent. Never thought I'd be here in my 60's!

@Chewbaccaslime I'm sorry this has happened to you too, but yes, stay strong. I've lost count of the times I've looked for and found a place to rent online, then he's charmed me back in. NO MORE!!! I lived alone for a long, long time before I made this move. But there won't be any more sulks, dramas, flounces, woes, or nastiness in my new home. Just peace, light and joy. Hope you can find that too.

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LittleHare · 07/07/2023 12:13

@Iloveanicegarden I felt so sad reading your msg, are you sure there is no way you can leave and then employ a care service. Oh, and it wasn't karma, it was just sheer rotten luck that in no way did you deserve.

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Daisythecat15 · 07/07/2023 12:16

Oh I'm sorry OP. I used to have a boyfriend like this. He had depression, but he took it out on me. I'd get silent treatment, he'd snap at me, criticize everything I did. Your story is actually very similar to something that happened to me - this boyfriend told me to get my passport renewed because he was going to take me somewhere for my birthday, it was going to be so special. The day of my birthday he went all dark and moody, gave me the silent treatment, handed me a card which he wouldn't let me open in front of him, and asked me to go home (we didn't live together). I remember crying in my car.

It's not a good relationship. I wish you luck leaving!!

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Backstreets · 07/07/2023 12:26

Happy birthday OP and good luck in your new skulk free life 💐

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justanothermanicmonday1 · 07/07/2023 12:33

Life is far too short to be with someone like that. He won't ever change. You know this though.

Make a promise to yourself that this will be the last ever birthday you spend with him & being miserable. You know you deserve far more than this life you're currently living.

Make a plan & leave.

Happy birthday 💐

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