If you have a very stressful job, how do you switch off?

[NegativNancy]

Just that really. Won't list all the stresses I'm facing as I'm sure many of us are struggling at the moment.
I really struggle to switch off though. Most nights I chill on the sofa watching moronic videos on YouTube or unchallenging nonsense while sinking wine and waiting for my head to shut up. I really want to get out of this habit though for obvious reasons.
I just don't have any oomph or energy once I've got home and had dinner. Partner is kind, supportive and does more than his fair share of housework.
I'm struggling hugely with sleep also. I wake up at approximately 3:30am and instantly click onto work. I have work conversations in my dreams and often email myself in the night.
My holidays start in three weeks but not sure I can keep this up for that long.
Any tips for switching off much appreciated.

Nothing much different to previous posters here:

Yoga, meditation, a dog walk in the middle of the day (or walking outside somewhere). These are my basics really, especially yoga- without yoga I start to get more and more anxious.

Reduce alcohol as it affects my sleep and makes me anxious the next day.

Try to get lost in a feel good tv programme - have loved Ted Lasso (from the beginning again) and Clarkson's Farm recently

Book and no screen before bed.

Go out with friends even if you feel like collapsing in bed.

My 1 or 2 days a week where I go to the office, all I do when I get home (6.40pm) is veg on the sofa.

The other days I either walk the dog when I finish at 5.30pm or go for a run or to the gym, or use my hands (gardening, crafting, cooking, sorting and tidying).

I have to say, I've always been one of those sociopaths people who can put a state of mind in a box, close the lid, forget it, and carry on as normal. So if I'm stressed to the max, I think 'Right, switch off now and you're free to start stressing again at 8am tomorrow, but there'll be no more energy given to this tonight'.

It always comes back to....if you hand in your notice, or go off on long term sick, or die, your employer wont go into administration. They'll be just fine.
But I know thinking this way is easier said than done for many people.

Sometimes you need to accept that you could stay in work for every minute of every day and you would still never be finished all that needs to be done. Say it out loud every day for a few weeks until it becomes embedded in your psyche. Then it becomes easier to say "that is a work issue, I cannot do anything about it now, and I am not going to think about it on my own time." Have a look and see if there are any peer support groups - other professionals in teaching that you can meet (either IRL or virtually) for support. This is something we do a lot of on healthcare and it is a lifesaver. We may scoff at the idea of the "old boys club" out on the golf course, but we are the fools that are burning ourselves out physically and emotionally at the alter of public service.

In terms of things you can do - anything that just switches your brain off - silly little games on your phone such as Mah Jong or Tetris, lego, craft. There is nothing wrong with moronic videos sometimes - I love movie reaction videos on YouTube - fun for funs sake is fine. I try and meditate most days (medito offer a great free app with a learn to meditate programme) and I try and do this in the morning to get my head right for the day.

There is a lot of self directed anger and criticism in your posts. Please don't let that negative self talk be your internal dialogue - you would never speak to a colleague or a student that way! It sounds like you are doing an amazing job - a hard job, but an amazing one. You are doing the very best you can. You deserve rest and relaxation too. You deserve to enjoy your life.

I journal about my day.
Do ten minutes yoga before bed.
Eat well and exercise.
Have plans for home life and me.
Trying to start setting an intention at the beginning of the day and noting what I am grateful for at the end of the day. Trying to start switching my phone off.
My job is stressful and I also love it but I don't want to burn out.

The thing that helps me is to write down everything I need to do in an organised to-do list before I stop working. It means I won’t forget it but it gets it out of my head and ‘parks’ the problem.

Then I plan the following day based on my calendar and allocate things to do based on how much time I will have. That way I finish the day with more of a sense of satisfaction rather than constant thinking of what I haven’t done.

As a PP mentioned if I think of something after that (often a solution or an idea) I email it straight to my work email knowing it’ll be there in the morning.

If I don’t write stuff down I worry about it more - because I think I’ll forget it but also because it seems big. Writing it down always makes it smaller.

No alcohol. It's messing with what sleep you do have.

No squinting at and peering at fiddly little things that require focus - aren't you fed up of doing that with statutory guidance, data exercises and 5 year budgets by now?

You need to let your eyes rest on the horizon, whether it's in reality or one inside your mind.

Actual gym equipment goes up far higher than home stuff does. Earphones in, eyes on your horizon. Swimming has its own horizon.

And brain dump rather than try to hold everything in there all the time. Maybe a board, maybe A2 paper and markers, just get it out with mind maps/spider charts. Then cover it up or put it away.

Three weeks to go...

A walk and a podcast. Find something
You are interested in and give it a go.
The evenings are beautiful at the moment. Or even with DH and just chat and connect.
Just being outdoors grounds me and i feel much better.

Journalling? Actually getting it all out of
My head and onto a page helps. I find it helps
Me get to the core of an issue and park it.

Phone ban/limitation of 10 mins of you tube clips etc and then i stop.

Phone a friend who makes you smile

Read-reading is the only thing for me which is pure escapism.

Jigsaws, diamond painting, cross stitch, gardening. All the activities we associate with the semi retired but i have discovered in my 40s. When i do them my mine just slows down.

Agree with others ditch the alcohol in the week. It's probably that waking you up and not the stress. And will make you feel groggy and dehydrated the next day.

I'm in the same boat and find those intricate colouring bookings soothing. I have white noise in the background as this helps to zone out my more rapid thoughts. But you have to focus so much on the little patterns it's weirdly soothing.

Not sure what their actual called I think just mindfulness colouring?

Honestly, I changed jobs. Same role, far less stress, much nicer place to work and more money.

Everything else is just a plaster over the issue.

Generally. Planning social situations helps if we have a stressful few weeks. I know it’s probably the last thing you want to arrange when you’re exhausted but we have a friend who comes round to play board games every few weeks, very chill and it’s a great destress.

Going to a church on Sunday has also helped us with stress, I think again partly because of the social/community aspect but also because it give you a very designated time to be calm, still and self reflect. And to ask others for help, maybe not practical help but it would be normal there to pray with a friend about an issue in life that I was struggling to get past/decide upon.

Cycling works for me, but only if it is proper cycling outdoors, not a gym bike. And I love going for a sauna - I find the heat soothing, but I also find the conversation fun too.

I also like to read and do crafts - what kind of craft do you fancy?

I also have a hugely stressful job with long days - often I simply zonk of an evening and that’s not great.

This thread is ms king me sad because I’m injured and can’t run but it’s the best stress relief!

I am retired now though DH isn’t both had/ have very stressful jobs with awful commutes. We live equidistant between where we worked/work.

Exercise, drink very little and never in the week, look at the end goal which was retiring early as well paid. Very nice holidays and financial security. I grew up in poverty, going hungry as a kid so that was enough to always spur me on. I retired at 55 and DH who is younger will retire by 57.

@Novicecamper82 me too. Long term health condition so running is out, possibly for ever.

I took up crochet in an attempt to cut down on the wine. Turns out I can crochet AND drink wine!

I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time. Cutting out alcohol and exercise. Personal trainer who shows up at your door at a pre-arranged time? Not cheap but an excellent investment in you.

I find doing something crafty helps, cross stitch is good because you need to focus on what you’re doing but it’s not stressful and you can get into a flow state. Reading helps with escapism. I too could doom scroll my life away but it doesn’t actually help stress levels.

More generally having a plan - in work I rely on lists to keep track of the stuff that needs done, my life is ruled by my diary. On a Sunday night I look at the week ahead and plan things like meals and laundry etc eg an easy meal when it’s just me at home - I can also do a bit of admin etc. A more nutritious meal if the kids are home and I’ll plan to do a jigsaw or board game with them. When I’m not working, I’m not working - work phone off, laptop logged off, office door closed. When I’m working I’m focussed on that, not trying to juggle the house etc at the same time. At the end of the day I take 10 mins to plan the following day and then I’m done.

I too have a job where I could work 24/7 and not be done so self discipline (ie having a clear stop time) is important. So is having one day a week where I don’t do anything at all work related, no calls or emails or “just this bit of reading”, nothing at all. The work will all still be waiting and you’ll be more productive for switching off for a day.

Has anyone got any diamond art kits they would recommend?

Plan - really plan - for your summer. How much work will you be doing during it?

Anyone got a job that isn’t stressful!?

In my most stressful jobs I've really struggled to turn off. The things that have helped me are:
Making lists. Always carry a notebook so that when you think of something you can write it down and don't need to hold it in your head.
I never let my head get empty when I don't want to think about work. Audio books, podcasts, puzzles, radio, music, Duolingo, Wordle, all help fill it and don't leave space for the work to sneak back in.
Not feeling guilty about working whenever I like. People often tell you to leave work behind; I find the opposite. If it's 10pm and I'm in the right mindset, I open up the laptop and get on with things. I can often clear a significant number of tasks when there are no distractions, and I go to bed feeling happier. But at that point it is my choice to work; own your choices.
Don't sit there staring at a screen in the evenings because you feel you should work but when you don't want to. Go and bake a cake or go for a walk. But again, own your choices.
Find a radio programme that is interesting enough to keep you distracted but not so interesting that you need to stay up to listen to it, and put it on when you want to go to sleep. Remind yourself that you can replay it the next day so you are allowed to sleep. If you wake up in the night, play it again until you sleep.
Stop drinking alcohol.

Those things work for me. Good luck.

Probably not on this thread 🤣.

It is the best job and the most all consuming.

An amazing deputy head and a PA who protects you are key.

I had 9 easy years and then a tough year and I’m happy for a little sabbatical now. 😂😂 just waiting for the right replacement. I love my school and families so don’t want to leave in a difficult position.

Write a list of everything you do in a day and see if it is you who needs to do it. I read it in “Startup Upstart”. It was a revelation- I was literally drowning in minutiae that wasn’t my business.

the best advice I received was:

1. only you can manage your work/life balance - everyone else will happily ignore your boundaries.
2. Don’t check your emails after 8pm as there is nothing you can do about an email that comes in at that point.

hopefully you’re in a school which will close for summer to give you some breathing space to get ahead of yourself.

I hardly drink nowadays and try to keep everything else in life as low key and stress free as possible.

I agree with several previous posters you need to take a psychological step. You can only do what you can do. Also remember the mantra - good enough is good enough (it doesn’t need to be perfect or even ideal: it just needs to work).
One of the key things about managing long term stress is to create boundaries and ditch the guilt. You didn’t make the mess and every day that you go to work you are creating a better environment for the children. That is enough - you can’t do more without burning yourself out (and how would that help the children if you need 6 months of stress leave?)

I’ve worked in the City for close on 30 years and I’ve learnt to delegate, prioritise and say no. There have been other times when I’ve worked 100+ hour weeks during tight deadlines / crises but it’s unsustainable in the long term.

Create some demarcation between work and home. I have work clothes and home clothes and I change when I get in.
If I am WFH there is only one place in the house I work so I don’t see reminders of work everywhere.
My work is very wordy so I try to do something creative. I also love pottering in the garden.
If you do wake up thinking about work -write down whatever you are thinking about - agree with yourself that there is nothing you can do at 3am - then stick on a relaxation app or audiobook and give yourself permission to deal with it during working hours.
Ditch the alcohol - it doesn’t help

You've pretty much described my life. !

I read fanfiction