If you have a very stressful job, how do you switch off?

[NegativNancy]

Just that really. Won't list all the stresses I'm facing as I'm sure many of us are struggling at the moment.
I really struggle to switch off though. Most nights I chill on the sofa watching moronic videos on YouTube or unchallenging nonsense while sinking wine and waiting for my head to shut up. I really want to get out of this habit though for obvious reasons.
I just don't have any oomph or energy once I've got home and had dinner. Partner is kind, supportive and does more than his fair share of housework.
I'm struggling hugely with sleep also. I wake up at approximately 3:30am and instantly click onto work. I have work conversations in my dreams and often email myself in the night.
My holidays start in three weeks but not sure I can keep this up for that long.
Any tips for switching off much appreciated.

Are you a headteacher?

i find it an impossible task to get my brain to be quiet especially during stressful or crisis times.

If I get a good book it can work much better than tv.

I also write essays for post grad study and find the harder the assignment the more space in my head it takes.

I’m leaving headship for this reason - I never thought I would leave but I want my brain space back for me and my family.

Yoga. Light a candle, close the blinds and just follow someone on YouTube for 30 minutes. I love classes, but getting out of the house when you are busy and stressed is just another straw you don’t need sometimes.

Running also helps channel adrenaline stress, but yoga definitely feels like it’s actually calming for me.

Join a nice gym with a pool in a local hotel. They’re not big or full of gym bunnies but they will often also have a jacuzzi, sauna or steam room. It’ll cost the same as 4 or 5 bottles of wine a month, and it’ll be relaxing and pleasant. I can easily spend a few hours in mine 3 or 4 times a week. Sometimes I just bring my Kindle and lie round the pool for an hour or two.

You have my sympathy - it can be so hard to switch off. Crochet is my de stressor, usually while watching tv or listening to audiobooks. I started about 10 years ago, leaning through a blog and YouTube. Now I turn out blankets like they are 10 a penny!

Getting outside for a walk helps, even if just a short one.

I basically watch something on Netflix each night, drink herbal tea and play songpop on my phone. It's my way of winding down

Yes, @Sodullincomparison First time. School that has been left to rot. Going through academisation, moving on those who need to go, massive deficit budget, toxic parents, catastrophic SEND issues. Pleased for you for getting out ❤️
The gym ideas are good but I think I'm too heavy for gym equipment, eg treadmills shame I'm so angry at myself.

It's tough isn't it. I'm in a stressful job. Things I do are don't check emails in the evening or weekends. I'm massively strict with my time at work, don't let anyone run over on meetings or book long meetings with me.

If I think of something in the evening, I email myself from my personal phone. I don't do much during the week in the evenings unless it's early and come home early . I've got into a few crafty hobbies and buying and selling on vinted, love a peruse. Boundaries and distraction essentially!

My gym is also a spa in a posh hotel OP, very relaxing just going there if you couldn’t face anything else.

Teacher with responsibilities here too.
Make sure you've done as much of your ‘to do’ list as possible before leaving orbligging off. Maybe get something in the oven and then go outside for a walk, be mindful of your surroundings or listen to music. I stop and force myself to look at birds, flowers, nosy at houses and garden etc. Eat and then watch something specific, currently watching ‘Black Mirror’. I empathise everyones more than ready for summer.

It’s teaching for you. I would leave before your body decides for you. Honestly, it’s not worth it. Quit before an Illness makes you!!

I’m an avid reader and I find reading really helps me to switch off. It’s the ultimate mental escapism from work stress.

It also helps with focus & mindfulness, unlike doom scrolling, so it can actually help your focus at work (as I find this can deteriorate when I start to get overwhelmed).

The only downside is it can take a while to get into at first. If I’m having a really tough time, I like to re-read a well-loved book because it’s comforting and easier to get invested. Maybe you could pick up a book you loved at school and try reading for half an hour before bed - or even at lunchtime to get a mental break?

Just start with a walk. I find going for a walk after a really shit day (most days!) resets my brain and makes me feel so much better.
No alcohol during the week
Work phone off if possible
At the weekend do SOMETHING. Anything to get yourself out of the couch slump
Your weight is likely linked to massively high cortisol levels from stress, wine and bad eating habits from stress. Try and at least a few times a week make something really nice with lots of veggies. Distracts you and makes your body realise you care
and books are definitely better for your brain than screens even if just a chapter or two before bed makes all the difference

Being outdoors really helps me! Whether its walking, a run or just sitting in the garden

Feck. You've already got wine on your list. Sorry, I'm out!

My body caved in on me at Xmas op.

anyway here is a high-quality magnesium:
https://barefootnutrition.co.uk/products/magnesium-glycinate

re the 3.30 wake-up could you write down the thoughts in a journal by the bed? So your body knows it can sleep?

Yoga, mediation, magnesium and walking has improved my stress levels and sleep. I use apple fitness as can do at home and can choose the length and time. I do it most days. There also have a dance option - which makes me smile after a stressful day. Find what works with you, start small and see how it goes.

I also watch silly videos on youtube to have a laugh.

I swapped the wine for CBD drinks - I like the TRIP ones from sainsburys/Asda

Just seems to take the edge off somehow and for me now has the same marker of 'clocking off' that opening a bottle of wine did.

I set waypoints of small joyful things through the week - the jumbo times crossword on a Saturday, Yoga once a week, a swim once a week, A favourite programme one night a week, a weekly podcast listened to with fresh coffee and croissants. None of it is groundbreaking but the sense of routine for me really helps rather than sort of chaotically lurching from one day to the next with a mild hangover.

it's amazing how much more you get done and how much you take in when you haven't numbed everything out with alcohol.

in the early days I was bored without my wine so I went to bed early. The 3am alcohol anxiety wake ups were soon replaced by more natural 5am wake ups and I consciously decided that rather than lying in bed scrolling through TikTok like I usually would before falling back to sleep until the alarm went off at 7 I would get up and go for a walk.

I now do 2 miles most mornings - takes me just under 40 mins and I'm back in usually by about 6.30 where I sit and have toast and coffee in peace before everyone else gets up.

quite often I fit in a 2 mile evening walk as now well, I've got so much time now I'm not opening a bottle of wine when I get home.

If you can afford it, try joining a gym and get a personal trainer to get you started. You state a few times that you think your body would struggle with the shock of exercise- so this is exactly why you should start. A stronger you is a healthier you and you'll have more strength to cope with work. I have a similar job and have just started weight training with a PT. I've found that my mental resilience makes me very good with weights and after about 6 weeks I can feel I'm getting into a virtuous circle with it. Can you look into it as an investment into your health and future?

My husband had a very stressful job. He swam a mile every morning at 6am, cooked at weekends and played bridge.
But he was mos grumpy if he didn't get his swim in

Exercise is one of my main tools in dealing with work related stress

Some great ideas here that I’ve enjoyed reading. I second the thought that even if you feel really unfit, exercise can help. I’m a really unsporty person and started from a very low base with the running.

I sympathise if your job is teaching. also a thought - several people have suggested podcasts. I’ve found a series called ‘you are not a frog’ - it’s designed for healthcare professionals which is my background, but says it would be useful for anyone in a very busy responsible job. I found that much of the usual self help advice was useless because it’s aimed at telling you it won’t be that serious if you let stuff slip - whereas it feels that in your job and mine, that’s not true. This podcast recognises that the stakes are different and I find the narrator’s approach really insightful.

That was me OP. I found removing alcohol and sticking to a healthy bed time routine, with gym in the morning before work, has done me wonders.

I do jigsaws!

I find I only sleep well when I'm physically tired - mental tiredness isn't enough!! I hate exercise but I force myself to get on the peloton before work, or do an exercise video after the kids are in bed. And also try and hit 10k steps a day, though as a teacher you probably hit that effortlessly.

I read something about "flow state" activities helping your mind switch off and that really seems to ring true as well.

And when all else fails and I wake up at 3am thinking about work, I read missing persons reports. Something about them just engages my inner problem solving monkey brain and the work thoughts stop - and after a while I can fall asleep again.

Before I had to retire early (39) due to a medical condition I would get home from work, straight into the shower and put on fresh pyjamas. To me it felt like I was washing the day away. I also regularly went to bed early, especially during the winter months with a good book and a cup of tea. Nice, nutritious food and supplements help too.