Please tell me your most embarrassing fart story...

[fartfacenotfatface]

... and make me feel better about what happened to me earlier. I'm mortified.

I ate pizza and pop for lunch. Too much of both (it was a buffet and I'm greedy) and neither particularly agrees with me. I'm old enough to know better but hey ho.

Anyway, as the afternoon progressed, I found myself feeling rather windy. I needed to do a spot of shopping before heading home. At one point, I decided I was rather uncomfortable so headed to a distant corner of the shop I was in, to 'release the pressure'. Behind the display of men's jeans I let rip. Big time. Unfortunately, the mannequin I was stood next to turned out not to be a mannequin but a sales assistant wearing the same clothing as the T-shirts on display alongside . He totally looked like a mannequin until he moved to give me his best Paddington Bear stare.
Anyway, mortified is an understatement. I can never show my (fart) face in Fat Face ever again!

I just found this old thread but am crying with laughter OP…

@Calliopespa how the hell did you find this…

I think your loud rumbling fart actually brought that mannequin to life. 🤣

I've spat my tea and woken next doors dog.

LOL!! Thanks for that good laugh OP!!!

I have ripped a few in the shops and fled the crime scene, so nobody suspects it was me !
The mannequin thing really made me laugh!!

I was working with a group of around 12 11 year olds, after lunch. The canteen served a lot of fried food so students would sometimes be a little bit windy afterwards. This time, it was me. I went over to the open window and let out a silent but violent killer. Instead of the stink wafting out, it stayed very much inside and was eye-wateringly foul. Some of the students accused one boy of having caused the horrific stench. I did not own up.

Same!

really?

You rezzed an old fart story?

christ

I have two for you. My mum was crossing a footbridge that spans a railway it's a fairly quiet area a lane next to a farm - feeling windy as she climbed the steps to the top of the bridge and thinking no one was around she decided to let out a few loud farts. Some boys were hidden under the bridge playing and shouted after my mum very loudly and repeatedly "Oy farty arse"

The 2nd one is me as a young teacher and I was doing the Bran diet - lots of All Bran in a crowded classroom full of 13 year olds i let out a silent but deadly fart, my class erupted "Miss, Tom's farted and it stinks, open the windows ugh. Tell him to go the toilet, etc etc meanwhile I'm trying to hide my blushes and surreptitiously wafting the smell away from me.

Oh my god pmsl🤣🤣🤣🤣

This thread belongs in the BumsNet topic... if we had one!

My my brother is a teacher and had his trickest class one day. He put the most difficult characters together on the table closest to him and the board They were noisy and went really settling to work.

He tells me that he has a terrible cramp in in his stomach that lasted about five seconds and was clearly a vicious farts making its way down whatever tube they make their way down.

it just so happened that he was passing the difficult groups table with six of them were sat when he decided to risk what he described as a little fart. The smell was horrendous and the kids all blamed each other for it accusing each other of always doing it and being disgusting. He says he had to turn away from the table and offered to open the window because it wasn’t very nice was it?

I'd been seeing someone in the army - he was deployed for 6 months. I was head over heels at the time and when he came home, he stayed over.

I woke myself up (and him) doing a fart. It wasn't loud and disgusting, but it was a fart. I pretended I was still asleep - was literally in his arms at the time. I heard him laugh and kiss my head - made me feel even worse.

I still cringe to fuck now - I've even told my husband (different person) and his teeth itched for me.

I'm pulling a face just writing this 😂😂

I had overseas guests staying and for dinner I made red onion marmalade to go with steaks. They were very potent onions, and I was glad to escape to the kitchen with the empty plates where I could ‘relax.’ Didn’t know a guest was right behind me with the rest of the dishes, and the pong was a lingerer. He walked right into it, and after a few seconds said ‘I’ll leave you with that for a moment’ 🙊

I was walking up George St in Sydney once & let one rip. It was early morning & I kinda needed a poo. As I was walking, I’m sure it made it worse & there was some follow through… but quite bad. I had to find the nearest public toilets to clean myself up. As I was washing my nickers in the sink a stranger walked in, took one look & walked out 😂

In addition to this yucky tale, when I mentioned it to a close friend to help deal with my feelings of embarrassment, they said “Oh don’t worry about, people shart all the time!” I said what do you mean & apparently a SHART is when you sh*t yourself at the same time as you fart. I no longer felt alone 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
So who else has “sharted” before?

I often share a twin room with my friend on holiday. We are of a certain age (!) and I'm always very aware of my snoring and night time farting.

The first night we shared a room, I realised I didn't have to worry. My friend let out a fart that lasted ages, caused the curtains to blow about and her duvet to rise a foot or two off the bed. It woke me up, I got the giggles and couldn't stop laughing which woke her up and I just couldn't tell her why!

I have Crohn's disease, and have so many embarrassing fart stories, but one that stays in my mind was in New Look, when I let out a silent (but deadly) one. I heard a shop assistant say loudly 'what is that horrific smell?' And proceed to spray perfume around the floor 😂😂

I like to swim at the local pool quite a bit now the weather has warmed up and we regularly swim the same timeslot. This week a new guy in the next lane (not me honestly!) had a "digestive lapse" and we all had to get out of the pool so they could scoop and clean up! 🤮 He'll never be able to show his face there again!

I was pregnant with my first dc and I was waiting on the platform for the train, and let out a silent but deadly pregnancy fart. Two teenagers near by , one accuse the other of farting , saying it fucking stinks. They replied it was the drains. I got away with it.

I once bent down at work to get something out of the filing cabinet, and my body decided to let out the loudest fart I have ever produced. Luckily, there was only me, and the manager in there at the time. We had a good giggle about it, and swiftly moved on. IBS does have its funny moments at times!

I have a stoma so have no control of the farting noises coming from my ostomy bag. I don’t even get embarrassed anymore.

Welldone @Calliopespa for finding this and giving me such a great laugh! i love the thought that the poor guy is thinking "why did this lady come stand next to me to do this?"

… and the fact that his disgust was sufficiently intense that it totally overrode any tendency to see the humour. 🤣